[blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

Wed Oct 7 13:26:49 UTC 2015

I have been a stay at home mom for a long time, and getting out is one of
the most important things in my opinion. Otherwise, you really will go
crazy! And, this does not mean you do not love your child. In fact, going
out, I think, proves how much you love her because you are doing something
to help you feel better as a mom, which is extremely important. Also, you
love her enough to want to give her new experiences, introduce her to new
people, etc. My husband and I live far from family, so both of us feel
strongly that we need to increase our "village" for our kids. We think the
more people who care about them, and the more people they are able to
interact with, the better. It really does take a village, and making
connections is important for both you as a mom and also for your daughter.
Now, grant it, it is not always the easiest thing in the world. Jo
Elizabeth's story is a good example. It is hard at times to break into a
group of any kind, especially if that group has been meeting for a long time
and the women are close friends. Also, at times I did feel it was a bit
harder to be involved in a similar way as other moms because I wanted to
make sure I was keeping tabs on my kids, which often meant being a bit
closer to them than other moms were. Many times I remember being the only
parent on the floor with the kids, and the moms were off in a corner talking
and just glancing at their kids. I was a bit more comfortable with this
arrangement with my younger kids, but I remember not being comfortable at
all when my first was little, especially since he was an extremely active
boy and would run and get into anything he had a chance to. I think Jo
Elizabeth gives great advice about finding out where a group meets, perhaps
getting familiar with the environment a bit ahead of time, etc. Rebecca
gives good advice about just going. I know sometimes I over think things,
and I create more fear for myself that way so I need to give myself a push
and just tell myself to go and do it. Also, if you do not have a good
experience at one group, don't let it stop you from trying another. Each
group is not a good fit for every mom out there. This is why there are such
a wide variety of groups.

Now, for what I did with my kids so we didn't go crazy... The library was
the first thing I did. There was a story hour for infants and toddlers each
week, and it was a very nice way to get out and do something different. The
story time was very interactive. It was fun. I did not meet a ton of moms
there--well, I guess I met them, but did not really connect much with
them--but that was all right. My son and I were out there, doing something
fun together, and that was really all that mattered. I could walk to the
library as well, which was very nice, and gave me some good exercise. Plus
it was free. Another plus.
We also went to the playground a lot. Again, there was one near our house,
so we could walk there. We did swimming lessons at the Y--again, walkable...
I am very lucky to be able to walk to so many great things. We also did a
tumbling class at the Y which was all right, but not the greatest in terms
of me feeling I was really getting my money's worth. It involved a lot of
free play, which is fine, but I felt perhaps the teacher should have done a
bit more to prepare and actually have some activities since I was paying a
certain amount for each class. Now my girls are in gymnastics classes, which
have been great. My youngest is in a parent child class, and my five year
old is actually in a class without a parent. She loves it. The classes are
at an actual gymnastics gym, so I feel we get a very good class for our
money. Sometimes there are neighborhood play groups. We thought about
joining one, but the meeting time was not convenient so we never did. In the
winter, we would sometimes go to a local mall with an indoor play area, and
there are some restaurants with indoor play areas we went to as well. Again,
I did not always find connections with other parents in these places, but
eventually I realized that just getting out and spending time doing things
was a good thing for all of us. Also, in order to get adult time, I would
encourage you to figure out something you can do either with your husband or
without him at least once a month. Sometimes you need a break to just take
time for yourself and/or you and your husband, and this is more than OK. It
is essential. 
I hope some of this is helpful. Sorry for the long post.
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Tara Briggs
via blparent
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2015 12:44 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Tara Briggs
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

Thanks so much for your email! The story you told is the reason why I have
been putting off joining a mommy and me group for the past year. However, I
am starting to go a little bit crazy! I absolutely love my baby! She is the
best! However, the days get pretty long and pretty boring and pretty lonely
with only a 14 month old to talk to. For those of you who have and stay at
home moms, what have you done about feeling isolated?
Thanks for any advice!
Tara
And will you please let us know when your new novel comes out on
audible.com? I would really love to listen to it!

Sent from my iPhone

> On Oct 6, 2015, at 4:33 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
<blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> I tried a Mommy and Me group, and for me, it was an absolutely miserable
experience.  I'm not saying it will be awful for you, but there are
definitely some things I could have done differently that might have changed
the outcome in my situation, or at least improved the odds that things might
have worked out better for me.  I never went back to give the group a second
try, so I don't know if I could have educated the moms or structured the
environment in a more accessible way or anything during future visits.
> 
> First of all, find out where the group you are interested in holds its
meetings.  I went to a group that met in a large room at a rec center.
Strike one.  The moms sat around some tables that were set up in a horseshoe
formation at one end of the room, and the kids played with toys on a rug at
the other end.  The room echoed because of the high ceiling and the vast
space, and I couldn't hear much of anything that went on with my child once
she wandered away from me and went for the toys she hadn't seen before and
the new playmates.  Plus, she kept wanting to dart outside every time the
doors were opened.  The setup was not ideal for a blind mom, and I may have
given the other moms the idea that I couldn't keep tabs on my child very
well.
> 
> Then,, decide how you will get to the meetings.  I called the number on
the Web site and chatted with the mom who ran the Mommy and Me group.  She
seemed nice, and when she offered to pick me up on her way to the meeting, I
accepted gladly.  It was winter, and taking the bus with a squirmy toddler
while there was ice on the ground wasn't my idea of a good time.  The mom
and I found plenty to chat about during the car ride to the meeting.  Having
kids the same age seems to open up the communication channels.  But as soon
as we got to the rec center and I was settled comfortably in a chair, the
mom disappeared among her friends, and that was the last I saw of her.
Strike two.  Use your own transportation so you can leave if you want to.
All of the other moms in the group knew each other well.  Very well, in
fact.  I was introduced briefly, and after that, I might as well have been
invisible.  I was given fruit and coffee, but the moms were doing some kind
of craft, and I wasn't asked to join in.  That was just as well because I'm
not too good at those artsy sorts of things, but I felt more and more
uncomfortable at the meeting as time passed.  Especially since I had a lot
of trouble keeping an ear out for my daughter.  I figured she was doing okay
since she wasn't fussing and she didn't seem to be starting trouble with the
other kids, and mostly I was listening to make sure she didn't go out the
doors when people came and went.  Now and then she brought toys to show me,
and I heard some of the other moms commenting about that, but I felt like I
was being watched as if I were a science specimen, and definitely not part
of the group.  I wondered if I should somehow impose myself into the
conversation when I heard some remark about how my daughter showed me toys,
but I wasn't sure what to say.
> 
> Finally, the hour and a half was up--it felt more like a year and a half
to me--and the mom who had given me a ride came back around to take me home.
She told me I was welcome to come along to any Mommy and Me events in the
future, and I thanked her and said I would let her know if I was interested,
but we both knew at that point it wasn't going to happen.
> 
> So, what I would recommend is, if you want to go, ask questions.  Find a
group that meets in a small room.  Find a group that has outings to places
you want to go.  The group I went to had a lot of young, upscale moms--I'm
an older parent, for starters, and maybe not as outgoing as I should be.
Maybe I didn't try hard enough to break into the social group, or maybe I
just didn't have enough in common with that particular demographic.  I could
have searched for a different group, but the wind had been thoroughly taken
from my sails by that point, and I never did look.  Once my daughter started
school, I found it easier to be present in her classroom.
> 
> Jo Elizabeth
> 
> "The Bright Side of Darkness"
> is my newly published novel,
> available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
> -----Original Message----- From: Tara Briggs via blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 06, 2015 3:44 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Cc: Tara Briggs
> Subject: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
> 
> Hi, have any of you who are stay at home moms joined a mommy and me group?
My sister-in-law found a couple of groups in Utah where I live. I'm thinking
about joining one of them. If any of you have been a part of mommy and me,
or a playgroup for preschoolers, how did it go? Do you have any advice?
> Thanks!
> Tara
> 
> Sent from my iPhone
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