[blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
Tammy
tcl189 at rogers.com
Wed Oct 7 20:12:22 UTC 2015
Hi,
It's very hard to try things when and if the people who run or who attend
the groups don't know you and don't want to get to know you. It's also very
hard to work yourself into a group when it's already established. Having
said that though, I have taken my kids to some fantastic playgroups, where
I've made good friends with the parents and we still talk and see each other
even though all our kids are in school now. Those groups are totally worth
all the effort and research and extra little things I had to do to get to
them and fit in.
hth
Tammy
-----Original Message-----
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
Sent: Wednesday, October 7, 2015 2:35 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
I agree that I could have tried harder. Socializing is and always has been
difficult for me. A more structured group like Kia talked about might have
been easier to deal with. Tara, I really would encourage you to give the
Mommy and Me thing a try. I was just wanting to throw out some things for
you to think about, based on the experience I had. As for finding groups,
the only advice I have is the Internet. The way I found the group I tried
was with Google.
Jo Elizabeth
"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tara Briggs via blparent
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2015 12:05 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Tara Briggs
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
Thanks everybody for your replies! Does anyone have advice on how to find
different groups? My sister-in-law gave me to suggestions. One of them is a
possibility and the other one doesn't work for me. Thanks for any advice on
how to find groups!
Tara
Sent from my iPhone
> On Oct 7, 2015, at 11:51 AM, Star Gazer via blparent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> wrote:
>
> Not all moms groups are created equal. Find one you
> like or if they aren't your thing find stuff you do like, library, parks
> whatever.
> You do need to be outgoing, find things to talk about with the other moms.
> Listen to what they have to say and contribute when you can.
> You also need to tell people what you need and why "The sounds in this
> room
> make it very difficult to monitor the kids (make this plural so it doesn't
> seem like it's all about you), so if you notice anyone doing something
> they
> shouldn't, please let me know". You may need to say explicitly that you
> are
> totally blind since most people don't get that out of the box, i.e. it's
> something they need to be plainly told.
> Tara, I wouldn't let J.E.'s story bother you. I really think J.E. you
> could
> have tried harder, gone to more events with that group to give them more
> time, socialized more v. sitting in a chair and waiting for people to come
> to you, and certainly trying other groups if groups were something you
> wanted.
> As for transportation, I would argue that if you're going to a public
> place
> you want to be under your own power, though mostly these events last a
> couple hours. I'm not a fan of taking my girls home when they act up since
> that's in effect punishing me. What I will do is have them sit with me for
> a
> little bit. I learned this from our band director who couldn't send a kid
> home when we were traveling, nor could she physically take the misbehaving
> kid home herself. Her solution was to have the problem child sit with her.
> It was incredibly effective.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
> Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 6, 2015 6:33 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
>
> I tried a Mommy and Me group, and for me, it was an absolutely miserable
> experience. I'm not saying it will be awful for you, but there are
> definitely some things I could have done differently that might have
> changed
> the outcome in my situation, or at least improved the odds that things
> might
> have worked out better for me. I never went back to give the group a
> second
> try, so I don't know if I could have educated the moms or structured the
> environment in a more accessible way or anything during future visits.
>
> First of all, find out where the group you are interested in holds its
> meetings. I went to a group that met in a large room at a rec center.
> Strike one. The moms sat around some tables that were set up in a
> horseshoe
> formation at one end of the room, and the kids played with toys on a rug
> at
> the other end. The room echoed because of the high ceiling and the vast
> space, and I couldn't hear much of anything that went on with my child
> once
> she wandered away from me and went for the toys she hadn't seen before and
> the new playmates. Plus, she kept wanting to dart outside every time the
> doors were opened. The setup was not ideal for a blind mom, and I may
> have
> given the other moms the idea that I couldn't keep tabs on my child very
> well.
>
> Then,, decide how you will get to the meetings. I called the number on
> the
> Web site and chatted with the mom who ran the Mommy and Me group. She
> seemed nice, and when she offered to pick me up on her way to the meeting,
> I
> accepted gladly. It was winter, and taking the bus with a squirmy toddler
> while there was ice on the ground wasn't my idea of a good time. The mom
> and I found plenty to chat about during the car ride to the meeting.
> Having
> kids the same age seems to open up the communication channels. But as
> soon
> as we got to the rec center and I was settled comfortably in a chair, the
> mom disappeared among her friends, and that was the last I saw of her.
> Strike two. Use your own transportation so you can leave if you want to.
> All of the other moms in the group knew each other well. Very well, in
> fact. I was introduced briefly, and after that, I might as well have been
> invisible. I was given fruit and coffee, but the moms were doing some
> kind
> of craft, and I wasn't asked to join in. That was just as well because
> I'm
> not too good at those artsy sorts of things, but I felt more and more
> uncomfortable at the meeting as time passed. Especially since I had a lot
> of trouble keeping an ear out for my daughter. I figured she was doing
> okay
> since she wasn't fussing and she didn't seem to be starting trouble with
> the
> other kids, and mostly I was listening to make sure she didn't go out the
> doors when people came and went. Now and then she brought toys to show
> me,
> and I heard some of the other moms commenting about that, but I felt like
> I
> was being watched as if I were a science specimen, and definitely not part
> of the group. I wondered if I should somehow impose myself into the
> conversation when I heard some remark about how my daughter showed me
> toys,
> but I wasn't sure what to say.
>
> Finally, the hour and a half was up--it felt more like a year and a half
> to
> me--and the mom who had given me a ride came back around to take me home.
> She told me I was welcome to come along to any Mommy and Me events in the
> future, and I thanked her and said I would let her know if I was
> interested,
> but we both knew at that point it wasn't going to happen.
>
> So, what I would recommend is, if you want to go, ask questions. Find a
> group that meets in a small room. Find a group that has outings to places
> you want to go. The group I went to had a lot of young, upscale moms--I'm
> an older parent, for starters, and maybe not as outgoing as I should be.
> Maybe I didn't try hard enough to break into the social group, or maybe I
> just didn't have enough in common with that particular demographic. I
> could
> have searched for a different group, but the wind had been thoroughly
> taken
> from my sails by that point, and I never did look. Once my daughter
> started
> school, I found it easier to be present in her classroom.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The Bright Side of Darkness"
> is my newly published novel,
> available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Tara Briggs via blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 06, 2015 3:44 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Cc: Tara Briggs
> Subject: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
>
> Hi, have any of you who are stay at home moms joined a mommy and me group?
> My sister-in-law found a couple of groups in Utah where I live. I'm
> thinking
> about joining one of them. If any of you have been a part of mommy and me,
> or a playgroup for preschoolers, how did it go? Do you have any advice?
> Thanks!
> Tara
>
> Sent from my iPhone
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