[blparent] Older Kids and Interaction with the Public

Fri Jun 17 16:16:03 UTC 2016

I guess we have all heard the line that it is wonderful that our children are taking care of us. I remember when my daughter was six years old someone made that comment. I always came back with the same comment, she is a great help, I taught her everything she knows.

JODY 🐺
thunderwalker321 at gmail.com

"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes."  DOCTOR WHO (Tom Baker)

> On Jun 17, 2016, at 10:51 AM, Wendy Meuse via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hi Jo Elizabeth.  I had this happen a few times.  It really embarrassed me when people would say, "It is so nice to see you taking 
> care of your mamma like that.  I know I must have blushed like crazy.  What I did tell them is, Oh well, we take care of each other. 
> Generally I got ignored when I said that though.  But it is true.  Sometimes Grace helps or helped me with things, and I could help 
> her with things.  Believe it or not, it was the same thing when they saw my husband helping me with things.  The one I hated was, 
> You must have really planned to have a child who could help you like this.  I felt like smacking them.
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto via BlParent" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
> Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2016 10:53 AM
> Subject: [blparent] Older Kids and Interaction with the Public
> 
> 
> Hi, listers.  I've got a question, especially for those of you with older
> children or grown kids.  I've had a couple of interesting interactions with
> the public lately.  The first one I blew off as a fluke, but when it
> happened a second time within a couple of weeks, I started giving it more
> thought.  My boyfriend says I think too much--he may have a good point, but
> I thought I'd ask around anyway.
> 
> There's a convenience store down the street from where we live, and my
> daughter and I walk down there now and then to get treats..  On the last day
> of school, I took her there to get her an icy drink to celebrate the onset
> of summer.  A well-meaning lady in line offered to buy her drink, saying,
> "You're a good girl.  I liked the way you held the door open for your mom
> and me when we all came in the store.  I bet you help your mom out a lot,
> don't you?"  My daughter, being the fairly honest and precocious
> eight-year-old that she is, answered, "Sometimes.  I have my moments.  I
> wasn't too helpful yesterday.  I didn't wanna take the trash out or clean my
> room."  The stranger, who really hadn't counted on getting our life history,
> said, "Oh.  Well, if you said you were sorry and fixed the problem ... we
> all have bad days."  She paid for the drink and went on her way.  I had been
> a bit surprised by the offer, but I thought my daughter handled the
> situation gracefully, and I thanked the woman and didn't think too much
> about it.  People are nice.  I figured blindness had something to do with
> it, but I didn't dwell on it.
> 
> Then it happened again, a few weeks later, only it was a man who stopped his
> truck and went out of his way to come into the store.  He was much more
> obvious about stating how he had watched my daughter help me patiently
> across the street, and the sight had blessed him, so he wanted to bless her
> back.  My daughter was a bit confused by that--she tried to tell him that my
> dog had been the one who helped me cross the street, but he didn't seem to
> understand the distinction.  Coming on the heels of the fact that my dad,
> her grandpa, had lectured her the day before about how I'd gotten around
> just fine before she came along after he'd seen her helping me find a chair
> at a crowded graduation party--I later thanked her for helping me find the
> chair because she wonder what she'd done wrong; most grandparents would be
> glad to see their grandchildren being thoughtful and helpful, I don't know
> what bug was up his butt anyway--it was all very confusing to her.  Anyway,
> the man at the convenience store bought my daughter a soda and a Shark Week
> doughnut.  He wanted to buy her a candy bar as well, but I drew the line.
> He kept saying you just didn't see such good kids too often these days and
> the world needed helpful, respectful children who took care of their parents
> and blah, blah, blah.
> 
> I tried to figure out what my daughter took away from the experiences and
> all she said was that she loved me and wanted to be helpful.  She is, most
> of the time.  I don't think she feels overly responsible because of my
> disability.  She has age-appropriate chores.  So the big question is, are
> those kind of experiences harmful to a child?  Should I be telling
> well-meaning people not to treat her?  Or is it okay to just let it be
> positive and enjoy it for what it is?  Have you all experienced this?  How
> have you reacted?
> 
> Jo Elizabeth
> 
> "The Bright Side of Darkness"
> is my newly published novel,
> available in Kindle, audio, and paperback formats at Amazon.com.
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Star Gazer via BlParent
> Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2016 10:42 AM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Cc: Star Gazer
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Question for Blind Dads About Dressing Babies
> 
> This is how I do it, place the child in the
> position that I'd do for myself. It just makes sense that way.
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Brandy W
> via BlParent
> Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2016 6:42 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Brandy W <ballstobooks at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Question for Blind Dads About Dressing Babies
> 
> OK, I'm laughing just a little remembering my stepdad dressing my baby
> sister. That man he never could figure out how to get clothes on her the
> right way they always seem to be inside out and backwards. I think it is a
> man thing not a blind man thing.
> 
> I know that my dad preferred to dress my brother and sister on the floor. He
> would set them up with their back to him. And then pull the shirt over their
> head. And then put the arms through. Then he would lay them down and pull
> the onesie down and snack also children's place and many other stores make
> one piece romper  this time of year they are much like a onesie with
> slightly longer legs. These would go on the same as a sleeve or minus the
> legs and feet and would likely do the same for him to get on. He could then
> unsnap it all the way lay it down, and then lay her on top and put in the
> arms and then snap down the middle until she was essentially dressed. If I
> lived closer I would help Good sent  from my iPhone
> 
>>> On Jun 15, 2016, at 2:13 PM, KailaAllen via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> wrote:
>> 
>> Has he practiced at all on a baby doll, maybe that would help him figure
> out a way to get it over the child's head and arms through the whole.
>> 
>> Thank you,
>> 
>> Kaila
>> 
>> The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not
> expect to sit.   Nelson G Henderson
>> 
>> 
>>> On Jun 15, 2016, at 11:06 AM, Allison via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> wrote:
>>> 
>>> Hi All,
>>> 
>>> Happy Father's Day everyone. I have a question that anybody on here is
> welcome to chime in on, but I'm especially looking for suggestions from
> blind dads. How did you learn to dress your baby? Was the process ever
> difficult for you and what helped it get easier?
>>> 
>>> My daughter is five-months-old and my husband is having a lot of
> difficulty dressing her. I kept hoping this issue would get better over time
> with practice, but it's not improving all that much. So far he can only
> manage footie pjs, which is something, but we live in the desert where it is
> 100 degrees or more each day and footies are too warm. Any other clothing
> like onsies,  dresses, t-shirts, etc seems to baffle my husband and send our
> daughter into fits of screaming and crying as he tries to dress her. I'm
> blind myself and can get our baby dressed okay. So I don't think it's just a
> blindness issue. I think having sight would help my husband to learn some of
> this more easily, but it's certainly not required because other blind
> parents, myself included, manage it.
>>> 
>>> I think that maybe guys in general are given very little practice with
> dressing small children. And my guess is that blind men especially have
> almost no chances in their lives to work on this skill. I honestly don't
> know where or how I learned how to dress a baby, but I think I got some
> practice on baby dolls and baby-sitting charges growing up. As a guy, my
> husband didn't have those experiences, so as an adult with his own baby,
> he's at a loss.
>>> 
>>> I've tried giving him dressing tips both by letting him feel what I do
> and through verbal description. I've also set aside a separate bag of
> clothing for just him to use. It's a set of outfits that seemed easier than
> others because they had large neck openings,  were one piece, and were on
> the big size. So far, none of those techniques have helped, and I'm at a
> loss  of what to try next because I just don't want to listen to my baby
> crying during daddy dressing time each day.
>>> 
>>> Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he's a terrific dad to our
> daughter. He does a lot of other baby care quite well. He is better than me
> at giving our daughter medicine for example. He also doesn't shy away from a
> messy diaper which I so appreciate.
>>> 
>>> We really just could use some baby-dressing suggestions for him because
> it is not practical for me to dress my daughter all the time. I work
> full-time and my husband is home with the baby during the day. I dress her
> in the morning, but if she needs a new outfit throughout the day, as babies
> tend to do, he needs to be able to dress her.
>>> 
>>> Thanks in advance for suggestions.
>>> 
>>> Best,
>>> Allison
>>> 
>>> 
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