[blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

[Michelle Creedy]

Hello Chris 

Sounds like a challenging time. 

I'm wondering if an hour is too long for being in her room? Children that
age have a much shorter attention span than we do. 

One idea around the food is to have a certain little tray in the fridge or a
box that has healthy things in she can always access and when it is done,
it's done. Are there alternative things to dump besides the food? Maybe
there is an area where you can create a sand box outside where she can dump
sand all she wants. 

I often do a "time in" with kids. Instead of sending them to their room, I
have a box that is filled with interesting things I know they like to play
with like crafty things. I try to get them to create things instead of
separating them from us. One of the things we learned in the adoption
workshop is that sometimes, kids are pushing you away but they are really
saying that they need time with you. It sounds totally counter-productive
and it almost sounds like one is spoiling them but it really does work. We
were taught to try and look at what the behavior really was about. 

There is a lady on this list named Julie who runs a parenting class which I
took and really enjoyed. I highly recommend it.

Hope this is ok. I'm not meaning to sound judgmental in any way. Just making
suggestions. It is a huge challenge for you.

Michelle



-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris
Reagan via BlParent
Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2016 8:25 AM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Chris Reagan
Subject: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

Good morning all:
We're having a serious behavior problem with our 4 year old child and we'd
like to know if there's anything anyone can suggest on how to get this issue
under control. We've tried just about everything we can think of to deal
with this and It's almost like she doesn't care. I'll give some examples as
to what she's done and what we've tried. She likes to take foodand dump it,
we finally got the locks that will keep her out of the cabinets. She's taken
the drawers out of her dresser. In response we've put locks on them which
she got around. Here's something that I wrote for what happened this
morning, and this is also a common occurrence.
Okay, so our child does something wrong, we put her in timeout. She doesn't
stay still in timeout, so she is sent to her room for an hour. 
Mind you, that because of her behavior, we've taken all her toys away so her
room isn't a very enjoyible place right now. So she opens the window and
starts talking to people in general which we don't want her to do because of
housing rules regarding the windows being open when the temps are below 50
and because we don't know who she's talking too. 
So I go in and close the window and she decides to get out of her room, run
in to the living room and run from us and hide in plain sight. I catch her
and put her back in. in the attempt to keep her in there for the time that
we've set, she takes my phone runs to her bed with it, and tosses it behind
her bed, thank god for outerbox cases. I normally don't spank, but that
deserved a spanking and that's what she got. Now she's a very bright kid,
very smart, does well in head start. She loves to draw and help people and
we're happy to have her in our lives!. But, her behavior is getting to the
point where she's wearing us down. Now, spanking is something we don't like
to do and we don't enjoy it at all. 
Plus, I believe that it only causes more problems. We've taken away tv
privoleges and I've also resorted to taking away her toys as I previously
stated including the stuffed animals that she likes to sleep and play with.
When we want to go somewhere, we can't, because her grandparents won't baby
sit anymore because of her behavior, plus when we take her places, we insist
she hold mommy and daddy's hand, but does she, no and she knows how to
remove the leashes. So if there's anything that we've missed or haven't done
to curve her behavior, please don't hesitate to speak up. We love her dearly
and we only want the best for her in the end.
Take Care all:
Chris

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