[blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

Wed Mar 30 15:55:42 UTC 2016

Natural consequences, or consequences that grow out of the infraction, work 
best to teach the lesson.  Last night I asked my daughter to clean up the 
trash from the living room where she had been watching TV.  I hadn't kept 
tabs on it too well lately, so I was disgusted that there was a Sprite can, 
a Slurpee cup from the last time I had taken her to 7-Eleven, a frozen 
yogurt tub from when she had gone out with her grandpa over the weekend, 
candy wrappers, and so on.  I told her there was no excuse to leave a mess 
like that.  She knew where the garbage can was, and she didn't need to wait 
for me to tell her to clean up before she did it.  She got extremely rude 
with me and even used bad language, which came as a complete shock to me. 
But I kept calm and said that because she couldn't pick up her own trash and 
because she had disrespected me so much, I wouldn't be taking her to 
7-Eleven, which is just down the street and which is one of her favorite 
places to go for treats after school now and then, for at least two weeks. 
After that, she could earn the privilege back by being respectful.

Jo Elizabeth

"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available in Kindle, audio, and paperback formats at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Judy Jones via BlParent
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2016 6:04 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Judy Jones
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

Well, it sounds like the boys had to deal with the natural consequences of
ruining each other's plates, so they learned from life's consequences as a
result of their actions.

I don't remember the infraction, I think this had to do something like
homework, but I think it was so that our youngest, at age 16, if she did not
get homework done, or an assignment turned in, she knew in advance that she
would be grounded later.  It may have been the weekend, or something like
that.

But what I remember is finding out from her that she had not finished the
work or turned in the assignment.  I said something like, in a disappointed
voice on purpose, "dog gone it, now I guess you're grounded."  She agreed,
and didn't fuss about not getting to go out with friends or whatever.  I
remember overhearing explaining to a friend, I can't do such and such, I'm
grounded, and explaining the situation in a matter-of-fact voice.  That
showed me she knew very well what the consequences of her lack of actions,
in this case, were, and she was willing to bear out the consequences.  I
knew later in life, this would help her bear up under life situations that
would be much more unenjoyable.  She has done so.

She is 26 now.  She had a job with a very unfair supervisor, but she learned
to pick her battles with this person, she has good self-esteme, even though
some very unfair things happened.  She knows life is unfair sometimes, but
knows mom and dad love her.

Judy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Wendy Meuse via BlParent
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2016 4:44 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Wendy Meuse
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

i felt really bad one time because my freezer and fridge were literally
empty accept for some fish and chips I had bought and I
agreed to watthem for my daughter for the afternoon.  i fixed theirr fish
and chips for ssupper and they started fooling around.
Jason sspsrinkled a half a shaker of salt on Zakkry's fish and chips and he
couldn't eat them, and Zakry squeazed most of a bottle
of catchup on jason's fish and chips thus both plates were ruined.  I sent
them away from the table and just told them they had to
do without supper since theyy had ruined each other's and I did not have
anything else to give them.  I went in the bathroom and
balled because when I was home from the blind school, my mom and dad made me
do without food for the the slightest infraction.  I
was not picky either.  I told Grace what happened when she came by to pick
up the boys because they were whining about Grandma not
giving them food and they were both mad at me.  i wondered if that would
happen so i left the plates as they were on the table, and
neither boy thought of their parents being able to se what they had done.
Grace and Rick both knew it was the end of the month andI
had to wait for my check to come had assured me that both of them just loved
fish and chips.  I don't  know what happened whenn they
got home, but they never pulled a stunt like that on me again.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Judy Jones via BlParent" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Cc: "Judy Jones" <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, March 29, 2016 8:53 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

It's the context that makes it either harsh or loving.  That is also going
to depend on the age of the child and their understanding.  I believe
children should be punished only for what they are accountable for.  For
instance, if they have unknowingly done something wrong, regardless what
age, if it is an honest mistake, (and that happens to us adults as well),
too, they should be gently guided in the way they understand.  But when a
child willfully disobeys, knowing what is expected, but makes that conscious
decision to be willful, that is when the stricter discipline should come
into play.  Willful disobedience is the marker here.

Judy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Rob Kaiser via BlParent
Sent: Tuesday, March 29, 2016 7:15 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Rob Kaiser
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

When I was growing up, & if I did something bad, my parents would send me to
bed without supper. That, in this day & age, could be construed as too
harsh.

Rob Kaiser
Email;
rcubfank at sbcglobal.net

-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jodie and
Kahlan via BlParent
Sent: Tuesday, March 29, 2016 5:38 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Jodie and Kahlan <motherconfessor at samobile.net>
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old

Lol Judy, it's funny that you mentioned counting to three beccause tonight
she actually did wait until 2.9999. I told her if she wanted her bike back
tomorrow she had to go to bed with no arguing or stalling tonight. She took
as much time as I would allow her to brush her teeth and still tried to take
her own sweet time. I told her she wasn't getting her bike back if she
wasn't out of the bathroom by the time I counted to three. I heard her run
past me just as I said three, so she doesn't get her bike back tomorrow. She
will learn natural consequences if it kills me!

_______________________________________________
BlParent mailing list
BlParent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
BlParent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/rcubfank%40sbcglobal.n
et

_______________________________________________
BlParent mailing list
BlParent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
BlParent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sonshines59%40gmail.com

_______________________________________________
BlParent mailing list
BlParent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
BlParent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/w_meuse%40telus.net

_______________________________________________
BlParent mailing list
BlParent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
BlParent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sonshines59%40gmail.com

_______________________________________________
BlParent mailing list
BlParent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
BlParent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.com 