[blparent] (no subject)

Jo Elizabeth Pinto jopinto at msn.com
Wed May 17 06:13:16 UTC 2017


Judy, it's interesting the way kids process what they encounter in their environment. The five-year-old boy, Billy, in your story, thought he would go blind as part of growing up. My little sister was born when I was two and a half. I don't remember that, but I do remember when she was an older baby, and she had a musical mobile with birds on it hanging in her crib.  One morning, I recall lying in bed, since we shared a room, and listening to her reaching for those birds on the mobile, and I realized she could see them. Otherwise, she wouldn't be reaching for them and trying to grab them. I was so angry, I ran to my dad and sobbed my heart out with rage. I had thought babies were born with their eyes closed, kind of like puppies and kittens, and that at some point their eyes would open. I figured my eyes just hadn't opened yet. My sister's eyes had opened, and she was a lot younger than I was. So I reasoned that she had cut in front of me, taken my turn. My eyes should have opened first, by all that was fair and just.


Jo Elizabeth Pinto

"The Bright Side of Darkness"
Is my award-winning novel,
Available in Kindle, audio, and paperback formats.
http://www.amazon.com/author/jepinto

-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Judy Jones via BlParent
Sent: Tuesday, May 16, 2017 5:20 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List' <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)

Watching these videos reminded me of a couple of things that happened.

I had a friend who had a then two-year-old son who had been given a cup of cereal to snack on.  A bunch of us were over at my house, both sighted and blind.  This little boy went up to my sighted friend and said, "Look!"  So she visually saw the cereal in the cup and commented on it.  Then he says, "No.  Look!"  And grabs her hand to show her the cup.

My nephew, when he was that age loved print/braille and wanted "Jute," (he didn't know how to pronounce my name Judy), to read him the "dot books."

My three-year-old daughter asked me questions one night after we had had sighted friends she knew over for dinner.  She asks where are their guide dogs.  She knew about these as my husband and I had them at the time.  I told her they did not need guide dogs, because they could see like she could.  Then she asks where their canes were.  She knew about these too, as we would use a cane as an alternative mobility device when not using the dog.  I gave the same explanation.  Still puzzled, she wanted to know if they didn't have canes, or dogs, then how could they get around.

Last story.  For the few years I attended the Colorado School For The Deaf And The Blind, my senior year, a whole bunch of us were in a government class with a young, fun teacher.  She was always having us over to her house, or we would congregate at my parents' house, but she also had a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old boy named Billy.

This teacher told us one day that Billy approached her and asked, "When will I go blind?"  He wasn't a bit worried about it, just curious.  After talking to him, she discovered that he honestly believed that when he became a teenager, like the rest of us, he would be blind, use braille, a cane, the works.  Then, once he became older, like mom, he would regain his sight.  He saw blindness as a natural progression from childhood into adulthood.  He saw us having fun, joking, going places, and did not see blindness as a disability.

Judy


-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of tmcgee3917 via BlParent
Sent: Tuesday, May 16, 2017 5:04 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: tmcgee3917
Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)

Here's another link to a series of blind parenting videos that might answer some of your questions.
https://youtu.be/HweTIwWOIh0

Warmly,
Tracy Boyd
"If you dream it you can do it!" Walt Disney

> On May 16, 2017, at 11:18 AM, Alomi Parikh via BlParent
<blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Yes I think I have concluded that as well.
> 
> I am so glad I reached out and got these responses from all of you, it 
> really widened my views.
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> On Tue, May 16, 2017 at 7:01 PM, Judy Jones via BlParent < 
> blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
>> Blind parents just don't do that many things differently, so if you 
>> are looking for that premise, it won't work.
>> 
>> Judy
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>> Alomi Parikh via BlParent
>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 9:45 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Cc: Alomi Parikh
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>> 
>> Hi
>> 
>> Thank you for choosing to reply to my questions
>> 
>> Well I don't do surveys for people usually, but like it or not we do
things
>> differently sometimes and sometimes it is related to being blind and
other
>> times it is just what we choose to do as people.
>> 
>> Could you please elaborate on what you do differently based on your 
>> blindness? If you don't mind that is. It would really help me out a lot.
>> 
>> Thank you
>> 
>> Alomi Parikh
>> 
>> 
>> On May 16, 2017 6:01 AM, "DiannaAlley via BlParent" 
>> <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> wrote:
>> 
>> Well I don't do surveys for people usually, but like it or not we do
things
>> differently sometimes and sometimes it is related to being blind and
other
>> times it is just what we choose to do as people.  I see no harm in 
>> the survey.  You either help or you don't.  I don't worry about 
>> people stereotyping me as a blind parent because they are going to do 
>> what they want to do.  I don't have time to worry about that stuff.  
>> I am too busy just trying to be a parent in general and it ain't easy 
>> especially being
a
>> single parent and that has nothing to do with my blindness in my opinion.
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>> Steve Jacobson via BlParent
>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 7:22 PM
>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List' <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Steve Jacobson <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>> 
>> I probably should explain that this person did write to mee asking 
>> that I forward the original note to the list.  I suggested that she 
>> or he just subscribe.  I did not expect there would be so many notes, 
>> but it seemed
to
>> be from our correspondence that there was a genuine interest to 
>> learn.  I will be honest, I tend not to take most surveys that come 
>> my way because there are so many, but I know that many people don't 
>> mind.  Therefore, I feel it is reasonable to let each of you decide.  
>> I think there is a fine line between biases and simply not thinking things through rationally.
For
>> example, it always winds me up a little when people wonder how we 
>> detect that a child is choking when we can't see the visual effects.  
>> It seems
odd
>> to me that it never occurs to people that by the time a child 
>> exhibits behavior or starts turning a different color it is because 
>> the child has already been choking for a few seconds.  If one is in 
>> tune with their child, they may well hear their child stop breathing 
>> well before visual effects are even noticed.  People tend to have a 
>> perspective that is based upon what they are familiar with.  It 
>> doesn't occur to them that there may well be auditory indications 
>> that become apparent before the visual ones.  That
is
>> not to say that having the ability to see what is happening would not 
>> be useful, but there are other ways to deal with most problems.
>> 
>> Since I don't know the details of the person's background who is 
>> doing
the
>> surveying, I think it makes sense to be respectful and participate in 
>> the survey if one has the time and the inclination.  If this process
dominates
>> the list too long, we'll figure something out.
>> 
>> Best regards,
>> 
>> Steve Jacobson, List Moderator
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Judy 
>> Jones via BlParent
>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 4:26 PM
>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List' <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>> 
>> I do question that she is a design student, yet doing this research 
>> on parenting.  She did not mention in the original e-mail that she is 
>> asking both blind and sighted parents.  I guess I'm one of the 
>> suckers that answered her questions, but did it in the interest of, 
>> as always,
debunking
>> myths and stereotypes about blind persons.  (smiles)
>> 
>> Interesting observations.
>> 
>> Judy
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star 
>> Gazer via BlParent
>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 3:20 PM
>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Cc: Star Gazer
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>> 
>>                                                If you are interested 
>> in Sharon's course, why not sign up? You are free to do that as is 
>> anybody else who is interested.
>> Is it just me, or do we have a college kid who is trying to take the 
>> "barely legal" way out of doing an assignment?
>> Think about it, all she needs to do is copy and paste any responses 
>> she gets and hand them into her professor. She doesn't even have to 
>> hand key the responses.
>> I also don't believe for a minute that you asked these same questions 
>> of sighted parents, and that you approached them with the same bias 
>> you have approached blind parents.  You knew you would get the type 
>> of responses
you
>> did when you coupled it wht a bias that you may believe, or you may 
>> not believe. Point is, you just got a few nice ladies, and probably a 
>> lot of suckers to do your homework for you.
>> You do realize that some of your questions apply to women who 
>> experience postpardum depression and/or anxiety, and that sight or 
>> lack thereof has nothing to do with it? You do realize that there are 
>> a boat load of industries that exist to support and assist families 
>> with infants. And,
you
>> do realize that there are not enough blind people having children to 
>> sustain these industries, right?
>> You need to grow up, have some experiences, have children (because 
>> that's when you will discover you don't know what you think you know) 
>> and come back in a few years. Your homework is due soon, so I doubt 
>> you will do this.
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>> Alomi Parikh via BlParent
>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 3:06 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Alomi Parikh <alomiparikh24 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>> 
>> Hi Sharon,
>> 
>> Yes, I came across your course on your website and am extremely
interested
>> in knowing what and how you teach in this course. I completely 
>> understand if you cannot disclose details but a brief explanation 
>> would be a great
start!
>> I will definitely try and work on the perspective aspect that you 
>> mentioned.
>> 
>> Thank you so much for replying and getting back to me!
>> 
>> Regards,
>> Alomi Parikh
>> 
>> On Mon, May 15, 2017 at 10:55 PM, Sharon Howerton via BlParent < 
>> blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> 
>>> Alomi, thank you for your questions. I work for the Hadley Institute 
>>> for the Blind and Visually Impaired and teach a three course 
>>> parenting series. We have students from all over the world, and I 
>>> have had one or two students from India who have taken the parenting 
>>> courses with me. I think the lifestyle in India may be different 
>>> from what we experience in the US where Indian parents may live with 
>>> extended family, for example, and some blind people in India may 
>>> live differently than we do as well. I would encourage you to get a 
>>> lot more information about blind parenting from both the American 
>>> and Indian perspective, for example, but first you might want to 
>>> learn about perceptions of blind individuals as this may be impacted 
>>> by the culture of one's country.
>>> Good luck.
>>> Sharon Howerton
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>>> Alomi Parikh via BlParent
>>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 11:06 AM
>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>> Cc: Alomi Parikh
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>>> 
>>> Hi Judy,
>>> 
>>> First of all, I'd like to heartily thank you for contacting me.
>>> Secondly, I am extremely sorry if my assumptions hurt you in any 
>>> way, it was not my intention.
>>> 
>>> I am also sorry I didn't make this clear, but no, I am not blind. I 
>>> have contacted the list to get a better insight and first hand 
>>> reports that would help me in my project. And yes, I am not a parent.
>>> 
>>> I spoke to a couple of Blind Parents from India and they indicated 
>>> that they often had the help of their sighted friends and neighbors 
>>> and I made the mistake of generalizing this.
>>> 
>>> Thank you for the rest of your answers, they were really helpful. 
>>> But I wanted to clarify a few things.
>>> 
>>> The same set of questions were sent out to both Blind and Sighted
>> parents.
>>> 
>>> For example, my intention was not to imply that there is a problem 
>>> providing safety but to inquire if you faced any safety issues 
>>> personally.
>>> They are multiple safety hazards to infants in general and my aim 
>>> was to find out if there is any major difference between the way 
>>> Blind Parents and Sighted Parents take care of their infants.
>>> 
>>> As for the question about the most worrisome part of raising an 
>>> infant, I was just aiming at the psychology of the parent and not 
>>> attacking a problem in any way. For example, several sighted parents 
>>> replied with various answers such as Communication Gap, Making sure 
>>> they are healthy, Facing the unknown, Night shifts etc. Hence, it 
>>> was just a question to see how you as a parent (irrespective of 
>>> being Blind or not) felt while raising your kids.
>>> I am sure you had some anxieties as well and that is what I was 
>>> hoping to understand.
>>> 
>>> Nonetheless, I am sorry if I hurt your sentiments in anyway by 
>>> making any assumptions. But I am so glad that you replied as now I 
>>> have a more clear picture of my topic. Thank you so much for taking 
>>> out the time to read this long email and patiently reply to all my queries.
>>> 
>>> I am eagerly waiting for more responses.
>>> 
>>> To the other readers,
>>> 
>>> I would like to reiterate to the others that personally I strongly 
>>> believe that Blind Parents are 100% capable to raise their infants. 
>>> I am just reaching out to understand if there are any problems or 
>>> not and want to clear out any assumptions.
>>> 
>>> The following questions were sent out to both Blind and Sighted 
>>> Parents and in no way are singling out Blind Parents by assuming 
>>> that they will definitely have problems. These questions are to 
>>> understand more about your Psychology as a parent more than anything else.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> *3. What are some of the other problems regarding safety that you 
>>> facedwhile raising your infant?4. What are some unconventional 
>>> methods you use to keep your infant safe?5. What is/was the most 
>>> worrisome part of raising an infant?6. What are some solutions you 
>>> would suggest?7. Would you like to say anything apart from the 
>>> questions?*
>>> 
>>> Thank you once again for your valuable time.
>>> 
>>> Alomi Parikh
>>> 
>>> On Mon, May 15, 2017 at 9:09 PM, Judy Jones via BlParent < 
>>> blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> Hello,
>>>> 
>>>> Thank you for contacting this list.
>>>> 
>>>> First of all, are you blind?  I also take it that at your age, you 
>>>> are not yet a parent possibly?
>>>> 
>>>> You are making assumptions too many times that others make, that 
>>>> the blind parents do need some sighted assistance.  Not so.
>>>> 
>>>> My blind husband and I raised two happy and healthy girls, who are 
>>>> now successful adults, and we had no outside sighted assistance.  I 
>>>> will qualify that by saying that we have lots of sighted friends.
>>>> We are very social, and our girls have been also.  As a natural 
>>>> part of friendships, we would do things for each other.  I would 
>>>> bake cookies, or watch other sighted friends' kids, for instance.  
>>>> The sighted parents might take my kids somewhere, because they 
>>>> could drive.  But we also took our kids places on the bus.  We did 
>>>> not have sighted help based on our blindness.  We would do things 
>>>> for each other as a natural result of being friends and filling a need.
>>>> 
>>>> We only used a baby sitter, believe it or not, once.  Most of the 
>>>> time we hung with other parents who had kids, and we all would 
>>>> congregate in kid-friendly places, because we wanted to.  We were 
>>>> very independent with our kids, using either cabs or buses to get 
>>>> them where they needed to go, and we took other sighted parents'
>>>> kids with us, if their parents did not have the time or ability to 
>>>> drive
>> them.
>>>> 
>>>> To address your issues.  Child safety is always of concern to 
>>>> parents, not just to blind parents.  Providing that safety is not 
>>>> visual, but common sense.  Again, you are making some underlying 
>>>> assumptions that are not necessarily true.  Blind or sighted, you 
>>>> need to be aware of your environment, your child's environment, and 
>>>> be in tune with your child.  We were aware of safety precautions we 
>>>> would need to take, and took them.  A child who is choking is not 
>>>> going to just sit there and choke.  He will be moving and showing 
>>>> other signs of distress, making some noises, breathing changes.
>>>> Granted, blind parents cannot see skin pallor, but there are so 
>>>> many other symptoms that go along with what
>>> is going on with the child.
>>>> I'm
>>>> speaking from experience.
>>>> 
>>>> The answer to your second question is obvious.  I would resolve the 
>>>> first-aid situation with steps that need to be taken at the time of 
>>>> the incident.  It is good advice for parents to know CPR and take 
>>>> that and first aid classes that are offered in communities.
>>>> 
>>>> The only unconventional things we did, but I got this idea from 
>>>> seeing a sighted parent do this, is we put bells on our toddlers'
>>>> shoes so we could hear where they are.  Another thing we did, if we 
>>>> called for the child and they did not respond, we would take it on 
>>>> ourselves to go find them.  When we did, we would be very 
>>>> matter-of-fact and say something like, Oh, there you are, and not 
>>>> make a
>> big deal out of it.
>>>> We took control by finding the child ourselves, and not giving 
>>>> child the control to come to us when they felt like it.  A great 
>>>> behavior to practice.  By the way, I learned that one at guide dog 
>>>> school years before we had children.  (smiles)
>>>> 
>>>> Your next question, again, assumes there have to be problems in 
>>>> providing safety.  There are not.  The answer is prevention.  There 
>>>> are priorities of providing safety.  As a blindparent of a toddler, 
>>>> you cannot just sit in a chair, and tell toddler to come to you.
>>>> You need to be on your feet with that toddler when he is exploring, 
>>>> when not by your side.  That alone will eliminate a lot of safety
>> issues.
>>>> Your child is your responsibility, not someone else's.
>>>> 
>>>> Any successful blind person becomes a problem-solver, and this is 
>>>> true of blind parents as well as sighted parents.  We all do what 
>>>> we can to make any hazards nonissues by taking preventative steps 
>>>> in the first place and thinking ahead.
>>>> 
>>>> Your next question, again you are assuming wrongly, in our case, 
>>>> that it was worrisome raising kids.  It was not.  It was 
>>>> delightful, lots of hard work, but we enjoyed it.
>>>> 
>>>> Parenting skills have more to do with parenting, and not the fact 
>>>> that the parents are blind.  I can tell you also from my experience 
>>>> of grown sighted kids that they will tell you the same thing.
>>>> 
>>>> Judy
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>>>> Alomi Parikh via BlParent
>>>> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 7:56 AM
>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>> Cc: Alomi Parikh
>>>> Subject: [blparent] (no subject)
>>>> 
>>>> Hello
>>>> 
>>>> Respected Sir/Madam,
>>>> 
>>>> I am Alomi Parikh, a 19-year old Design Student from MIT University 
>>>> in Pune, India.
>>>> 
>>>> I have chosen to work with Parenting without SIght for a college
>> project.
>>>> 
>>>> While I strongly believe that Blind Parents are completely and 
>>>> wholly capable of raising their own children, society may think
>> otherwise.
>>>> However, I have researched and observed that while they are fully 
>>>> capable, they do rely on their sighted friends or family for 
>>>> certain reasons which curbs their independence slightly. I have 
>>>> also come to realise that raising an infant is the most difficult 
>>>> part and there are
>>> multiple safety hazards.
>>>> 
>>>> After extensive research, I have narrowed down the topic I want to 
>>>> work with as the following:
>>>> 
>>>> Choking hazards are one of the most common safety hazards to 
>>>> infants
>>>> (0-12 months). The symptoms of suffocation and choking are mainly 
>>>> visual symptoms.
>>>> A totally blind parent, left alone with their child may find it 
>>>> difficult to diagnose this problem or may require the help of 
>>>> sighted friends and family.
>>>> I want to work towards making them feel independent enough to 
>>>> realize what is wrong with their child and be able to take the 
>>>> necessary actions, by themselves or just like any other sighted parent.
>>>> 
>>>> I would like to ask you a couple of questions regarding this and 
>>>> sincerely hope you can help and guide me through this.
>>>> 
>>>> 1. Do you think this is a genuine problem? Is there anything you 
>>>> would like to add about this topic?
>>>> 
>>>> 2. How would you tackle a situation where your infant is choking or 
>>>> suffocating but you cannot see the symptoms?
>>>> 
>>>> 3. Would you like to be completely independent in taking care of 
>>>> such a situation? If you already are, I would love to know what 
>>>> kind of solutions or tactics you use.
>>>> 
>>>> 3. What are some of the other problems regarding safety that you 
>>>> faced while raising your infant?
>>>> 
>>>> 4. What are some unconventional methods you use to keep your infant
>> safe?
>>>> 
>>>> 5. What is/was the most worrisome part of raising an infant?
>>>> 
>>>> 6. What are some solutions you would suggest?
>>>> 
>>>> 7. Would you like to say anything apart from the questions?
>>>> 
>>>> I am looking forward to a constructive and positive interaction.
>>>> 
>>>> Thank you for your valuable time and help.
>>>> 
>>>> Alomi Parikh
>>>> _______________________________________________
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