[blParent] BlParent Digest, Vol 234, Issue 1
Star Gazer
pickrellrebecca at gmail.com
Mon Dec 4 15:18:30 UTC 2023
Figure out what you need and want. Nobody is going to come over to help you when your ex bails, you need a wife or girlfriend if you want that feature.
Daycare won't take your kid when he's sick, no matter how much you may need or want them to. They have set hours and won't stay late or let you drop your kid off early.
The good daycares have a lot for the kids to do and your son may really enjoy it.
You can also hire college students. You'll need to be clear in what you want, how much you want them to work, when, and you'll need to be clear in what is or isn't critical to you at that time. This gets more involved as kids age, is it critical that they go to karate or can they go to the park?
Most of the people you will be dealing with will be women. Leave them out of your ex drama, they don't care and it isn't their problem, and be careful you don't take out your frustrations on them, i.e. "my ex never scrubbed out the sink, now there's crap in the sink, why didn't you clean it" and they are thinking 'because your kid and I were having a nice time playing".
Are you blind? If yes, you'll need to explain how blindness works however that happens for you.
I'd also advise you keep your low opinion of daycare to yourself. It makes people not want to help you, some daycares are good, some aren't, just like everything else. If you don't want your kid in daycare that's fine, please don't disparage the entire industry not when you are looking for people to provide childcare for you. It's just kind of mean, and if I was applying for this position and you made that comment, I might wonder about you, like if you had a standard of care nobody could meet, not even you, or if your communication skills are so poor that I wouldn't know what you wanted or expected. There are things you do with a first baby that by the time you have your third just aren't important. Plus, the baby tends to want to copy their older siblings, example, we waited a long time before giving our first peanut butter. Our second saw the first eat it and really wanted it so we gave it to her at a much earlier age. Also, people do things like bedtime differently.
Good luck.
-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent <blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Sylvia Reid via BlParent
Sent: Wednesday, November 29, 2023 3:52 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Sylvia Reid <shevra at verizon.net>
Subject: Re: [blParent] BlParent Digest, Vol 234, Issue 1
Hello Clayton,
Is there a member of your blind community you trust whom you could pay to watch your son for even a few hours a week? I remember very well how consuming baby care can be. I had to divorce an alcoholic when my two kids were teenagers. I was a single mom with a fulltime job for four years, and teenagers are a whole different level of difficulty than babies are. As. The others say, you can do this! I agree with he advice you’ve received though you have to choose carefully.
Sylvia
Sent from my iPhone
> On Nov 29, 2023, at 7:01 AM, blparent-request at nfbnet.org wrote:
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> Today's Topics:
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> 1. How to get more support (Esoteric Quality)
> 2. Re: How to get more support (Christina Rebilas-Kruzik)
> 3. Re: How to get more support (Roanna Bacchus)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2023 05:55:34 -0700
> From: Esoteric Quality <eqmusicofficial at gmail.com>
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blParent] How to get more support
> Message-ID:
>
> <CAPxFAbFAuj4bQPcTPetCi2q=np+H+_XJd81-ty0qRtUQd-CCMw at mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>
> I am at a point of other exhaustion at this point. My son is 7 months
> old, and I literally do most of the work in taking care of him. His
> mom barely has him for at the most a few hours, before she asks me to
> take him back. I love watching my son. That isn't the issue. However,
> it makes it very difficult for me to get essential and important
> things done. While I have neighbors that do support me, they can only help out a few minutes at most.
> Me and my son's mother are also in court over custody and parenting
> time, and I am going to be pushing for the primary care position,
> since I am doing most of the work. Anyway. My question is, how do I
> get more support so that I can get what I need to done, while also
> making sure that he is well cared for? I am at a loss. I don't really
> want to send him to daycare for obvious reasons.
>
> Clayton Jacobs.
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2023 08:24:36 -0500
> From: Christina Rebilas-Kruzik <ckruzik22 at gmail.com>
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blParent] How to get more support
> Message-ID:
>
> <CAD3q-xy2Jj7SNVRxSEdnY0wU9G_nirQ7og10wqd+0ykBXPukXA at mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>
> Clayton,
> Coming from a Mom whom went through very similar circumstances when my
> son was between 6-8 months old (he?s 7 now) a few nuggets of wisdom
> for you that I pray helps.
> First, don?t nix daycare. If you have a good daycare in the area they
> will be your saving grace both as an advocate (how much each parent
> is/isn?t
> involved) as well as knowing enough to know you need community. I was
> the same where I never wanted my child in daycare and it ended up
> being a great choice temporarily too mind you. It?s not forever but my
> son continued till preschool then switch for elementary later on.
>
> In order to get things done and know it doesn?t have to be for all
> day, even part-time it helps on taxes too if you would go that route,
> as well as, allows your son to grow and develop important social
> skills among many other benefits early on for good development- just
> interview daycares as you would a job and find a good fit. I?m not
> sure what area you live but I found one that wasn?t super expensive
> but had academic components as well and that was a great fit. It?s more than babysitting.
>
> Other option would be find a good PT Nanny:caregiver you trust if you
> don?t have a family member or friend whom could help. Biggest
> acknowledgment is you need care and community to help. It?s difficult
> if not impossible to go it alone. For court/custody- I found most
> courts will opt automatically for 50/50? when you do have down time
> that way please know you?ll embrace it and need it for healing the
> wounds of divorce and it?ll make you a better parent too because
> you?ll need breaks here and there for your overall health and well
> being especially as your son grows. It?ll be hard- very hard at the
> start and stuff you?re working through now, but- know it does somehow
> work out. If you have a good legal representation too hope they advise
> you just to document all interactions and keep a monthly summary like
> phone calls, emails, texts, appointments and when custody does take
> place when and how long etc? it?s helpful in showing involvement.
> Wishing you the best,
> You CAN do this-
> Christina
>
>> On Tue, Nov 28, 2023 at 7:56?AM Esoteric Quality via BlParent <
>> blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> I am at a point of other exhaustion at this point. My son is 7 months
>> old, and I literally do most of the work in taking care of him. His
>> mom barely has him for at the most a few hours, before she asks me to
>> take him back. I love watching my son. That isn't the issue. However,
>> it makes it very difficult for me to get essential and important
>> things done. While I have neighbors that do support me, they can only help out a few minutes at most.
>> Me and my son's mother are also in court over custody and parenting
>> time, and I am going to be pushing for the primary care position,
>> since I am doing most of the work. Anyway. My question is, how do I
>> get more support so that I can get what I need to done, while also
>> making sure that he is well cared for? I am at a loss. I don't really
>> want to send him to daycare for obvious reasons.
>>
>> Clayton Jacobs.
>> _______________________________________________
>> BlParent mailing list
>> BlParent at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> BlParent:
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>> il.com
>>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 3
> Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2023 09:06:28 -0500
> From: Roanna Bacchus <broanna49 at gmail.com>
> To: Esoteric Quality via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blParent] How to get more support
> Message-ID: <6565f3ff.0d0a0220.cd5bc.6f29 at mx.google.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8
>
> Hi Mr. Jacobs hope you are doing well. I wanted to commend you for reaching out to recieve more support. My name is Roanna Bcchus, and I am visually impaired. I have been totally blind since birth due to Retinopathy Of Prematurity. When I was a baby, my grandparents on my Mom's side of the family took care of me while my parents worked during the day. Most of our extended family lived close enough that they could pitch in to assist with taking care of me. I will be thinking of you as your custody battle progresses. Your neighbors might be able to provide support for a few minutes each week, but you might also consider asking your church family or relqives who live nearby.
>
> Roanna Bacchus??
>
>> On Nov 28, 2023 7:55 AM, Esoteric Quality via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> I am at a point of other exhaustion at this point. My son is 7 months
>> old, and I literally do most of the work in taking care of him. His
>> mom barely has him for at the most a few hours, before she asks me to
>> take him back. I love watching my son. That isn't the issue. However,
>> it makes it very difficult for me to get essential and important
>> things done. While I have neighbors that do support me, they can only help out a few minutes at most.
>> Me and my son's mother are also in court over custody and parenting
>> time, and I am going to be pushing for the primary care position,
>> since I am doing most of the work. Anyway. My question is, how do I
>> get more support so that I can get what I need to done, while also
>> making sure that he is well cared for? I am at a loss. I don't really
>> want to send him to daycare for obvious reasons.
>>
>> Clayton Jacobs.
>> _______________________________________________
>> BlParent mailing list
>> BlParent at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for BlParent:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/broanna49%40gma
>> il.com
>
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> End of BlParent Digest, Vol 234, Issue 1
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