[Faith-talk] interesting perspective

[Renee Pavlus]

Thank you for bringing this realization about "the cross we bear" to light.  I was raised in the Catholic church, although I am now a Mormon convert.  In the catholic doctrine which I was taught much was talked about "the cross we bear on our backs" as being used as a penance for our sins.  

Although I still have much of this teaching in my sub-conscious, I now know that it has more to do with SELF sacrifice, doing good in the world, and reaching out to others as part of our divine purpose.     

I have been truly blessed in countless ways throughout my life.  However, like many of you reading this email, have also had many challenges, temporal, and spiritual.  I have tried to not focus upon the challenges set before me, and relish in the good and the gifts which were bestowed upon me and my family.  I do believe, however, that I need to increase my relationship with Our Lord, and especially Jesus his son.  Life gets away some times and the day to day stuff some times gets in the way of our spiritual growth and journey.

When life is good, or we are in control, well at least we think we are, we thank Our Lord, but sometimes our progression takes a kind of stop, in the way that when we are burdened we search further, and ask more of Our Lord, asking for this or that and when things are going good we tend to forget to. I want to become the kind of person who appreciates the good things and the gifts even in the bad times, not taking His love, grace, and abundance for granted only in the good times.

My life is taking a turn.  The children we raised are well in to adulthood.  The precious grand babies are well taken care of, and I am choosing to go back to work as a vocational rehabilitation counselor.  I will be applying for a position in Utah at DbvI in a few weeks.  I am scared, and afraid on one level, but excited and hopeful on another level.

Of course financial and personal growth is important, but being able to reach out to other blind people who are in need, or who are newly adjusting to their blindness is important too.  I want to offer guidance, love, understanding, clearly defined information and to assist them to set goals, learning that blindness is part of them, and doesn't need to define the whole.  They too, have gifts and potential; although their road may be compromised in some ways, they can live a full wonderful life, even after blindness.  

I want to assist those, like me who have been blind since birth to open up their life to possibilities not yet discovered, using the gifts and talents bestowed upon them in real effective ways.

I am struggling with self will, self need, one's divine and temporal potential not quite knowing the path which the Lord wishes for me to take at this time in my life; having been a stay-at-home mother most of my adult life.  

Part of discovering the world out side of my limited  world of home and family is to allow myself to humble myself in front of Our Lord;  asking  for his blessing in this endeavor, accepting  the final consequence of either getting this position with all of its responsibilities, or accepting things if my goal of obtaining another  position, or this position is not met without not falling or feeling defeated.  We often think that we are in control, but are we?  Do any of you know of any Voc Rehab positions open anywhere?  

I struggle with the catholic concept of "his will verses my will".  I struggle with the concept of ultimate destiny, or how much control do we really have for our lives,   beyond his personal will or plan for our individual lives.   How can we deal with blessings bestowed upon us  when we often let a kind of false pride determine us?   How do we become truly grateful to Him even if goals we try to achieve do not pan out?  I want to be grateful, but do not want to either feel false pride, or be torn down by expectations not met.   I need to know how to understand and deal with those goals we set down before us which are not granted,  or not meant to happen or are not achievable because he doesn't will it for our lives.    . .

Please pray for my discernment, and that my heart going in to this challenge before me is not completely self serving, that I am able, if getting the position to have a spirit and countenance which is pure and honest and that I truly am able to reach out and offer  kindness direction, and understanding to others  

In February of this year I decided to go to the training and adjustment program in Salt Lake City to bone up on some skills of blindness, and regain confidence.  The maine goal was to become a good independent cane traveler, not traveling independently since before marrying thirty one years ago.  I have since gained more understanding about myself, learned to appreciate challenges, and are a, not perfect, but a better independent traveler.  I had Braille, computer knowledge using Jaws before, and did learn to use the Victor Stream, and hope to gain training in note takers.  I have improved skills in ADL, and am knitting once more.

I knew that to apply for employment without questioning my ability to travel independently safely and securely was necessary.  I have decided to go to the center for one more month.  I have been in graduate school, but may need to obtain another Masters degree.  to earn a CRC certification or a LPc, in mental health, along with working part time, or full time in either the mental health field with the disabled and their families, or as a voc rehab counselor. It would be comforting to learn if others have struggled or are struggling with similar temporal issues, or spiritual challenges in their later years.  

I am fifty-six years old, and returning to the work force is difficult, but know that after surviving Breast Cancer, that my focus has changed.  What pushed me forward to examine my life was the fact that my beloved Mom, and several acquaintances  or personal friends around my age have died within the past year from related diseases.  For the past six years, I have been questioning   my purpose, why I survived cancer when others do not, and how can I give back and appreciate this fact.  My heart is telling me that becoming part of the professional world of mental health counseling or rehab, may answer part of my quandary.  

For the past almost five years I have been assisting my daughter to take care of her two little boys so that she could work either full time or part time while our son-in-law is completing his education.  Although this has been a time of love, devotion, and grace, the boys are now two and one half, and almost five years of age, and their family situation is changing. To come out of a kind of family centered comfort zone is scary.  

Thank you all for listening, and I would appreciate any advice or personal decerment from a spiritual or temporal bent  If you would like to contact me directly I do have a facebook page "Renee Radicioni Pavlus"  Making a few new friends along the way is always a wonderful thing.  Perhaps if you facebook me if you are interested, we can have phone conversations in the future.  The web is fine, but for me, the phone works better.  I have been a federationist for almost twenty years, and are truly grateful for the organization and all of the wonderful friends and acquaintances. .     

Renee Pavlus