[Faith-talk] Daily Thought for Wednesday, February 26, 2014

[Paul]

Hello and good day to all my fellow readers.  Well, here in the Baltimore area we had yet another dusting of snow and, so far as I know, there will be the usual Wednesday evening Bible study, continuing the genealogy found in Genesis 10.  I hope that all of you are doing well.

You might recall that last week we had an article on those of us who are single.  Now, to give "equal time," so to speak, here is an article by Ralph L. Byron, M.D. entitled "Keeping Your Sweetheart Sweet Forever," rendered as follows:

A Christian marriage is NOT automatically a good marriage.  Even among those who are not party to the escalating divorce rate, all too often the delightful honey of the honeymoon has become dry and rancid.  It doesn't need to be that way.  Here are some practical suggestions on how to maintain a fresh, vigorous, satisfying marriage.

What are the ingredients that go into a great marriage?

At the very outset, it is important to dispel the myth that a Christian marriage is automatically a good marriage.  We grow up with the idea that the boy chases the girl and finally catches her; they are married; and they live happily ever after.  This is not quite the way it happens.  It takes consistent work to make a good marriage.  It is fun work and the type that one enjoys.  First Peter says, "Husbands continue to dwell with them (wives) according to knowledge." This means to use your head, play it smart, plan your time together.  Watch for areas that need to be improved and quickly make the necessary adjustments.

When an argument or disagreement develops, analyze how it started, what triggered it, how it can be avoided in the future.  Sometimes, it is as simple as not using a mannerism or a word that is distasteful or offensive to the other.

Communication must be kept open.  One of the early signs that a marriage is in trouble is an inability to talk together.  I am so conscious of this danger that I have a "talking chair," a Boston rocker.  When I am in that chair, my wife may ask me anything, tell me anything, or discuss anything.  I chose this chair because it's where I always sit! Of course, she can talk to me any time!

A major objective is to bring out the best in one another.  We all have friends who seem to bring out the worst in us when we are around them.  There are others who draw the best out.  It is super if we can consistently bring out the best in our husband or wife.  My wife has an outstanding singing voice.  As a new husband, I could have either crushed the talent or helped develop it.  As I encouraged her singing, not only did this keep me from damaging our marriage--it made it better.

Husbands, take your wife on at least one date a week.  It doesn't have to be expensive or fancy, but it calls for a dressing up a little for each other and providing definite, undisturbed time together.

Another must for a good marriage is this:  Never go to sleep mad at each other.  When one goes to sleep angry at his spouse, the hurt settles down into the subconscious where it festers and begins to create bigger problems, the source of which may go unrecognized.

Do as many things as possible together.  It is very easy to begin to go separate ways.  The husband is at the golf course; the wife is at a party.  What starts very innocently and harmlessly often grows to the degree that a husband and wife find themselves going in separate directions.  Without realizing it or planning it, they grow apart.

Worship and pray together.  When God promised that husband and wife would be one flesh, it certainly suggested that the two should do things together, including going to church.  "If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another..." (I John 1:7).  Having unbroken fellowship with God is the finest assurance of fellowship with one another.

There is an interesting and fruitful way for a husband and wife to pray together.  The key is to pray for one thing at a time.  If the husband prays for the minister, then the wife prays for him from her point of vantage.  They claim the promise:  "If two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven" (Matthew 18:10).  One day the husband leads off; the next, the wife leads off.  During the prayer time, each prays a series of times.  When the praying is finished, you'll be astonished of how the time has been rich, rewarding, and has flown by.  When the husband is the leader, he starts with subjects that are favorites of his wife.  Likewise, when the wife is the leader, she prays for her husband's "pets" first.  Always stick to the subject.

Pray that God will cause your love for one another to grow and remain fresh, vigorous, and wonderful.  God is faithful in answering this prayer.  It is His perfect will for every Christian couple.

It is essential that there be absolute honesty and openness.  Half truths, little white lies, and withheld information lead progressively to a lack of trust and a breakdown in oneness.

Avoid situations where sin and lust may creep in.  The Bible puts it, "Abstain from all appearance of evil" (I Thessalonians 5:22).  It may mean not going to certain places or fellowshipping with questionable people.

Sex is of God and is meant to be a beautiful privilege reserved for those who are married.  It is not a right to be taken, but a privilege to be won; there is to be kindness, tenderness, and thoughtfulness.  Sex is a supreme way of expressing one's love.

Don't forget to tell one another that you are in love.  It is easy to take for granted that your wife (or husband) knows you love her (him).  It is nice to say it without making your spouse try to drag it out of you.

Spend time and effort planning nice things to do for one another.  If it is important to do this during courtship, it is even more important after the marriage vows.  If I do something nice for my wife, it isn't long until she is doing something nice for me.  It just works that way.

Husbands, remember you may have more physical energy than your wife.  Watch for ways to help her carry the load.  It may even involve doing the dishes, making the bed, or running the vacuum!

Be alert for ways and things that will help your mate grow spiritually.  The success of other aspects of your marriage will ultimately depend on your success in progressively becoming godly people!

It is essential that a husband or wife ask forgiveness when he or she has said or done something to offend the other.  And it is equally important to really forgive when forgiveness has been asked.  It is not forgiveness when the problem is constantly revived and held over the person's head.  Yes, a successful marriage demands forgiving and forgetting!

And don't fail to be grateful and to express your thanks to each other.  Cicero said, "Thankfulness is the greatest of the virtues." So be sure to remember to say, "Thank you."

To summarize the ingredients of a good and godly marriage:  give yourself to one another, allow Christ to be lord of your life and your marriage, and treat one another as a king or a queen.  When you've learned to do this, you'll discover that your sweetheart will remain sweet forever!

And there you have Dr. Byron's article which was published some years ago in "Psychology For Living" which I hope was a blessing to you married folk.

And now may the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob just keep us safe, individually and collectively, in these last days in which we live.  Lord willing there will be yet another daily thought message tomorrow.  Your Christian friend and brother, Paul