[Faith-talk] confronting someone who hurt you-smart move?

Thu Apr 2 17:59:09 UTC 2015

Yeah I agree. It seems to me you want your prior aide to have some guilt, but what will that do for you? See, he probably thinks he was in the right even if you think he was in the wrong. You don’t have him as an aide anymore, so why have a grudge against what happened in the past? It’s just that, the past. There is always a future, and that is what you focus on.

Forgiveness is very important, not for your prior aide’s sake but yours. Your not forgiving him won’t do anything for him. He doesn’t care if you forgive him or not, so it’s not getting back at him for anything. Forgiveness is only for you. What is the real reason you are wanting to confront him? If it is to understand where he was coming from and to have a new friendship or just want some closure, that is one thing. But if you are doing it to make him feel bad or guilty, it won’t get you anywhere. It makes you incredibly immature if you talk to him the wrong way. The reason I say this, and I know it can be harsh, is because I have tried confronting people, and it only made things worse. I did it in an unhealthy, immature way and not the adult or young adult should.

I doubt you telling him how hurt you were would do anything, but if you ask him why he did what he did, you may learn some things. When people treat you “wrongly,” you have a lot to learn about yourself, and there is always wisdom in the way people treat you. So maybe reflect on it. Maybe you are being taught forgiveness, patience, etc. Hope this helps.

Christine
> On Apr 2, 2015, at 1:42 PM, Poppa Bear via Faith-talk <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> I can agree with a lot of this advice. I am interested in what others have to say as well. You seem to be carrying obvious pain from this situation, possibly some trauma as well, but in the event that this person would not acknowledge that he wronged you then how would you feel? If you would feel even worse than this means that he has a lot of control over your healing and peace of mind. I hope that Christ can be the peace giver in your life and help you to find healing through this whatever path you choose to take. Pray that you can find healing through Christ and let him rule your heart and dictate your life, not this person who wronged you, don't let him take up residents in your mind. Sometimes you need to practice guarding your mind by dropping the thoughts once you notice that they are filling your thoughts. You can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making a nest on your head. This is how thoughts are, they will come, but you don't have to let them stay and stretch out their legs in your head. 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Faith-talk [mailto:faith-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org <mailto:faith-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org>] On Behalf Of Brandon A. Olivares via Faith-talk
> Sent: Thursday, April 02, 2015 6:00 AM
> To: Vejas Vasiliauskas; Faith-talk, for the discussion of faith and religion
> Subject: Re: [Faith-talk] confronting someone who hurt you-smart move?
> 
> I think it depends on your motive. I don’t think you should try to make him feel guilty. Forgiveness is best. If you really have to do it to have peace, then go ahead. But realize it is more about you than it is about him. It won’t fix anything.
> 
> ---
> Peace,
> Brandon
> 
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>> On Apr 2, 2015, at 1:11 AM, Vejas Vasiliauskas via Faith-talk <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> 
>> Hi All,
>> So as the title implies I was wondering about your thoughts on confronting someone who hurt you to get some closure.  I understand that this does not have to do with God directly but I feel that it does in a way.
>> A bit of background without getting too far into detail: I had a 1 on 1 for school for 5 years starting in sixth grade, and for the first three years everything was fine and he was almost like another member of the family.  Then he seemed to change and would get mad at me for getting lost (I'm working on my O and M) and would sometimes swear too.  But I talked to my parents and no longer have had to work with him and barely ever see him.  But because it was just verbal, nobody could prove anything, so only a very select few people, including my parents and God, know or care.  Everyone else seems to think that he is wonderful.
>> I have not had a full-on conversation with him in two years.  As silly as it sounds, I don't like the fact that someone who thought of me very highly can just ignore me and feel okay about it.  There are things I want to tell him too.  Like how he may not have realized it, that he was such a jerk, and that I still sometimes have bad dreams about him.  I know that he may not care and probably won't apologize, but part of me thinks that if there is anything like a sliver of how he used to be, he would be horrified to know the after-effects of what he did to me.  And part of me hopes that maybe he'll feel a little bit guilty, even if just in his head.  I guess I'd also rather have some sort of closure, even if he said "I will continue to stand by what I did" rather than just  walking past each other and pretending that we neither know nor care who each other is.
>> I would be greatful for any thoughts on whether or not you think I should confriendnnt him.
>> Thank you in advance.
>> Vejas
>> 
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