[Faith-talk] {Spam?} Conquering Complaining by Rick Ezell

[Paul Smith]

Hey folks, how many of us have done some complaining at one time or 
other in our lives? I would say that we've all done it to one extent or 
another.  Brother Ezell, a writer and pastor in Greer, South Carolina, 
addresses this issue in the following article.

I was at lunch with Bill, a friend, when Jon sat down at our table.  
Uninvited, I might add.  Jon began to dominate the conversation.  He 
whined about the weather.  He criticized the waiter's service.  And 
when he tasted the food, he went into a full rant about how horrible it was.

Bill asked Jon, "What's gotten into you? It seems that all you can do 
is gripe."

"Well," replied John, "I guess complaining is my spiritual gift."

Jon is like certain people.  They never seem to speak unless it is a 
word of complaint.

Why do we find ourselves harshly criticizing someone from church? 
grumbling bitterly over minor annoyances? demanding that people and 
groups meet our needs? critiquing how organizations are run? raising 
our voices to prove a point?

We know in our spirits that our words are destructive, wrong, and 
sabotage our witness.  Why do we repeatedly complain and criticize, no 
matter how many times we resolve to "do better next time?" All too 
often we can relate to the Apostle James's assessment, "No man can tame 
the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:8).

Complaining is a kill-joy.  It makes us and everybody around us 
unhappy.  Yet the habit is hard to break because many people's natural 
tendency is toward negativism.



Types of Complainers

Complainers show up in a multitude of forms, and they've been around a 
long time.

1.  Whiners

They wake up being negative and stay that way all day long, saying:  
"It's not fair.  I don't deserve this.  Everybody else gets all the 
breaks." Case in point:  David.  The Old Testament hero was a constant 
whiner.  I read the Psalms.  The truth is, life is not fair.  God never 
said it would be.  As long as we complain about life not being fair it 
only makes for more misery.  But it will not change the fact that life 
is not always fair.  We do know that God is fair and He will settle the score.

2.  Martyrs

Forever the victims, their favorite line is:  "No one appreciates me." 
Martyrs are downers, unhappy about the pain in their life, reluctant to 
do anything about it, and more than happy to spread their pity and 
joyless life around.  Moses is the prime candidate.  He thought he 
could do everything alone.  He didn't need any help.  But he almost 
broke under the weight.

3.  Cynics

Their lives are like a rear dog on a dog sled team--the scenery never 
changes.  Solomon suffered from this complaining curse.  He wrote, 
"Meaningless! Meaningless! ... What do people gain from all their 
labors at which they toil under the sun? Generations come and 
generations go, but the earth remains forever" (Ecclesiastes 1:2-4).

4.  Perfectionists

They are never satisfied.  Nothing or no one is ever right or good 
enough.  They love to point out others' flaws and mistakes.  The writer 
of Proverbs spoke of some wives, but it's applicable to all people:  "A 
quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm" 
(Proverbs 27:15).  And "Better to live in a desert than with a 
quarrelsome and nagging wife" (21:19).  Nothing is ever right for 
nagging perfectionists.  Nothing destroys the warmth of a home or a 
church quicker than complaining.

5.  Critics

Constantly complaining and giving unwanted advice, critics can be 
judgmental, arrogant, and nitpicky.  Nehemiah encountered three when he 
led the people of Jerusalem to rebuild the wall.  "When Sanballat the 
Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official and Geshem the Arab heard about 
it, they mocked and ridiculed us" (Nehemiah 1:19).  Critics find a 
cloud in every silver lining.  They often run in herds.  They work 
behind the scenes, murmurring and whispering.  You often see them in 
corners whispering with hushed breath.

6.  Gossips

They spread rumors and damage reputations.  Paul spoke of them in his 
first letter to Timothy:  "gossips and busybodies, saying what they 
should not" (1 Timothy 5:13, English Standard Version).  A person's 
reputation is their most precious possession.  Gossips rob people of 
their good name.  They are the over-the-fence or at-the-water cooler 
types who find it hard to keep a secret, damaging individuals and 
organizations.

Steps To Conquer Complaining

So what do we do to rid this toxic talk?  Here are a few steps.

1.  Acknowledge the complainer in you.

Often teh most difficult part of conquering complaining is recognizing 
it in yourself.  If someone recorded your conversations for a week, 
what would it reveal about your speech? As you examine the six types of 
complainers listed, which are you most like? Complaining isn't just a 
bad habit; it is a sin.  We need to admit it and confess it.  Remember 
that God takes complaining very seriously.  The Hebrew people wanderin 
in the desert on their way to the Promised Land complained repeatedly.  
God destroyed them in the desert because of their grumbling.

2.  Accept responsibility for your own life.

"If it is to be, it is up to me," states the familiar adage.  A mother 
asked her small son what he would like to have for his birthday.  "I'd 
like a little brother," the boy said.

"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother.  "Why do you want a 
little brother?"

"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."  
Many times our complaining is just an attempt to blame other people for 
the problems we have created.  Don't complain how the ball bounces if 
you drop it.  We have no right to complain if we brought on the 
problems in our life.  Many times complaining is just an excuse to be 
irresponsible and not to accept the fact that we caused the situation.  
We reap what we sow; therefore we have no legitimate right to complain 
about the results.

3.  Give thanks.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in 
Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18).  Instead of complaining and 
arguing, give thanks.  As we begin to grasp all God has done for us, 
and as we decide to focus on those things daily, our hearts will 
overflow with gratefulness.  We can't always be thankful _for the 
circumstances, but we can be thankful _in the circumstances.  God's 
purpose for our life is greater than our problems, so in everything we 
can give thanks.

4.  Look for God's hand in circumstances.

We will have problems; life has its share of frustrations, obstacles, 
and difficult people.  Yet God often uses those to shape us more like 
His Son.  The reason we are told over and over in the Bible not to 
complain is that complaining, in essence, is rebellion against God.  
When we complain about the circumstances beyond our control, we are not 
trusting God.  Often the things we complain about the most are the very 
things God uses to make us more like Jesus.

5.  Practice positive speaking.

Complaining is a habit.  Habits are only broken by replacement with 
something else.  Take out the negative complaining and replace it with 
positive speaking.  To practice positive speaking, you may have to talk 
less.  Like the old saying, "If you can't say anything good, don't say 
anything at all." You may have to slow down your speech.  Sometimes our 
mouths are engaged before our brain.  Words have a unique 
characteristic:  Once spoken they can never be retrieved.

I heard an amusing story about a minister who announced he was passing 
out miniature crosses made of palm leaves.  "Put this cross in the room 
where your family argues most," he advised.  "When you look at it, the 
cross will remind you that God is watching." A woman walked up after 
the service, shook his hand, and said, "I'll take five."

The fact is that having a cross in a room won't stop complaining.  
Crosses in churches have not stopped people from complaining for 
generations.  The problem with our words is not with our mouths; it's 
with our hearts.  We need to allow God to transform our hearts.  Until 
then, sermons or crosses won't do much good.  The cross must not just 
be in the room; it must be in the heart.

And there you have Pastor Ezell's insights into complaining which I 
hope gave you individually and collectively some insights into your 
complaining.  Until tomorrow when, Lord willing another timely article 
will be posted, may the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob keep us safe, 
individually and collectively, in these last days in which we live.  
Your Christian friend and brother, Paul