[Faith-talk] Pretty much have made my face decision

[Jenny Keller]

Hi, I think I have decided my face right now. I have had most of my friends who are Catholic. And I was went also. They have their Latin right church here, and most of my friends go there as well. They have been wonderful about wanting to take me to and from the church, and also, if I want to go to choir practice, but they would pay for it as well.

The only struggle I have now is I found out there is an Orthodox Catholic church. It comes from the root of the Russian orthodox church, but it is definitely a Catholic Church.

I have always loved the orthodox church and their way of service more than the Catholic mass. But, the mass has been that way for ever. And, I am learning more and more about the Latin translation. I noticed though, that the priest does not enunciate very well during the mass, and he doesn't raise his voice loud enough. I like if he Latin mass better than English because English masses people run out after an hour, or right after communion. So, people in the letter right do not ever do that unless it is a situation of urgent need. The sanctuary, which we call the nave, is very quiet and  in reference to begin with. Just looking at it even from the door is absolutely wonderful. It's not necessarily the windows or the statues or stuff. It's just beautiful in itself. And has a beautiful peaceful feel.

The inner part where the priest is is called the sanctuary. And nobody goes there unless they have been allowed by the priest. And definitely not women. At least not that I know The Latin masses have been around forever. I think they were the first. So, that makes me want to stay with them. Plus, I do what's called the liturgy of the hours. Which is every three hours, then Novus ordo, which means the new Wright that the English churches use is pretty much a cliff notes compared to the old Latin right. I also have it in English, so I can read it comfortably. I also have the mask translated in English also. And the Xavier society is sending me the real copy so that I can learn the words to sing it as well. They have also gotten a new choir director who starts on Wednesday night. I'm not sure if I want to speak with him just yet. And just wait until I am going to a little more masses so that I can learn the way that they saying and what they use the most. That's important. Because I don't want to come out looking stupid. The only other option though, which I have tossed around, is, to ask him if I can sit in on the practices, but, I would not send until he felt it was comfortable. That he felt that I was doing enough that I could make the choir at mass. From what I understand, he has been around for a long time, and actually was the choir director at St. Mary's for a while. So, I have heard wonderful things about him. I also have been told not to be afraid of him and to talk with him. Because he has worked with so many courses, that he has probably run into at least one blind person and his work.

I say a blank person, because a lot of choir directors get panicked when we talk about starting in the choir. I'm sure some of us can relate. They freaked out answers are, you can't read music. You can't read words, you can't see the conductor so you don't know when to cut off. All that stuff. When we actually do know this information. And, if we don't know when to cut off because they've changed it, I specifically, and I'm sure others that are blank as well and work with conductors will understand, that if it is a situation where the song and and the conductor and piano slows it down, so, they may decide to cut off and different timing then they normally would. That is a lot of what they talk about, how would you know how to cut up when we don't always cut off at the same time. Also, my response to that is, if there is a word that you cut off on a different timing, I will just not seeing the word period. So that, I don't make that mistake. Or, I will sing the word and cut off very shortly before the time and even happens. I'm sure that a lot of us who have been inquires understand that we don't always pick up the melody as fast as we would like, so, I have learned when we are in a choir situation especially when it's completely ready to be done, I just don't sing that part. Or I'm not sure of that word Melody, so I don't saying that word. Again, I don't want to make those mistakes.

The people in the church that have been there for a while say that he is a wonderful person. That he is really cool about people coming in to the choir. But, it might take some time. I'm a little afraid to bombard him on his first Sunday. So. I will figure it out later.

I told father cock shell that I was worried and sad about feeling left out of the church because the only people that respond to the priest back-and-forth is the choir. So, it would leave me out. But, I softly son what I knew. And no one heard me. So, I didn't feel left out at that point. I still worship the music. It's just that nobody hurt. And, he was right, I didn't feel left out, in fact, I felt a piece I haven't felt in a very long time. It was like being in the Lords arms. Or against his chest. With his arms around me. I felt so comfortable and at peace. Also, I had gotten to take communion after about 2 1/2 years, and, St. Mary's is the only church here that has a communion rail, which I have always thought was much more reverent then the conveyor belt thing and I mean no disrespect for those who do this. But, when you come from a communion real situation and that's the first time you ever had it. It's a little expected when you do that, and, I have always felt like I was going by the conveyor belt. We go to the line, you get the body, walk to the next person that has the blood, and you go and sit down. And everybody just times like a conveyor belt. It's nonstop until the last person is there. I don't know why they have gotten rid of the communion rail, because most of the Catholic churches over all have had them. Some of the older churches have taken them out.

It was so quiet in there, even when the mass was happening, and the choir saying, it was so very peaceful, and I did not hurt because of the fact that I wasn't in the choir. I was OK, and felt like I was a part of the mass, just like Channing Coxville had said. 

I finally found out what confession really was. I thought it was the priest like Christ's conduit like Christ was inside the priest like physically. And gives you 10 it's like 20 Hail Mary. But, what I feel of confession, is that I don't spew a laundry list of symptoms that I have done. I will save us in, and then tell him why I do this in. Bother coxal would talk to me about what I had told him the reason why I tended to do these things. Again, he didn't feel I was justifying things either, I just told him that I needed to find out how to behave differently, or how to get rid of things that would make me a particular way and got me to Sin. So, I felt better about it. Also, when he does the absolution, which, is in Latin and that church obviously. He basically reminds us that we are forgiven by Christ. And, Christ is not possessing the father. So to speak. He gives the father and the Holy Spirit would tell him to give through Christ. To say the right things and able to help us spiritually. I actually considered confession as a spiritual guidance thing. I know it sounds weird. But, that something that I really enjoyed. I take mine every week. Some people do it every year. And that means once a year.

I guess I'll shut up now. But, what would you think about the Orthodox Catholic church. I don't really feel as though I should try it, because my other friends go to St. Mary's. And, I tend to be making more and more friends as the church actually has a coffee hour that people stay and talk after work. They actually have problems and a lot of the churches about people hanging out for coffee. Again, they take up after communion. Or you're in such a hurry, we'll go out before the priest. And the priests get phone calls from unhappy parishioners if the mask goes over an hour. Can you imagine. The Latin church, and I'm sure the Orthodox Catholic as well, don't have that problem. So, it's wonderful to go downstairs and meet people. There's a little girl that always runs up and hugs me. No act asking. Just runs up and give me the biggest hug. I haven't seen her in about a year or so, and she's gotten so big. I went to see her today and talk to her. I told her she dropped really fast. I asked her can I have a hug. And, before she left. I got the running hug even though she was bigger than she was before. Her parents also laughed a lot, I think they laughed a lot when Helen ran up and gave me a hug the one she normally did when she was a short little thing. But, I was good to have it. I had missed it so much. And they missed me, I didn't realize it, but they did.

Pray for me.

Jenny