[Faith-Talk] Faith, Blindness and elderly grandparents

Fri Jun 11 01:43:35 UTC 2021

Thank you for your verse and kind words joy. I love your name. It’s my middle name--literally! Thank you for the prayers and advice. Even though you have quite a lot of experience there is always an avenue you miss and hearing it from someone else feels in the blanks. Thank you, and know that your assistance was not offensive. That’s why there are so many ‘s brought groups for everything.

Ericka Nelson

> On Jun 10, 2021, at 8:29 PM, BRUCE&JOY BRESLAUER via Faith-Talk <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> My husband's sister passed away in January due to an infection they couldn't 
> get a good enough handle on, but she also had dementia, so we are familiar with 
> the toll it takes on a family. She remembered who I was almost until the end, 
> which I treasure.  Your grandma may be the one who intermittently understands 
> the danger of wandering the neighborhood and falling, so she might be the first 
> one who is agreeable to being in an assisted living facility.  Once your 
> grandpa finds one he trusts, it may be a relief for him, too, not having to 
> worry about her so much and knowing that she is safe.
> 
> I hope I'm not coming across like I know it all, because I don't.
> 
> I know we're not supposed to take Bible verses out of context, but one that 
> comes to mind for me is Esther 4:14, a loose translation of the last part of 
> which says: "Who knows but that you have come to this place for such a time as 
> this?"  You might be the one person with the love, knowledge, and skill that 
> the Lord can work through to put this all together according to His plan.
> 
> Joy
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Faith-Talk <faith-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via 
> Faith-Talk
> Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2021 7:00 PM
> To: Faith-talk, for the discussion of Blindness in faith and religion 
> <faith-talk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [Faith-Talk] Faith, Blindness and elderly grandparents
> 
> Thank you Joy for your message back. We are moving July 5. My grandma's 97th 
> birthday is July 1. I just spoke with her on my grandpa cell phone a few 
> minutes ago. She remembers bits and pieces of the truth of her fall last night. 
> When people have dementia they fill in with words that seem appropriate to the 
> situation but don't necessarily make sense to the rest of us. I pulled out what 
> made sense and she was pretty accurate. She's mentioned to me that she makes 
> some dumb decisions lately. So I know she feels stupid when she realizes she's 
> wandered away and had something crummy happen. Yes you are right that the Lord 
> in my experience to keep us comforted. It is pretty special to be relied on by 
> my grandpa for my "expertise." Usually I'm just kind of there at family 
> gatherings. She's in the hospital right now and remarkably resilient. I know 
> that she'd be fine in assisted-living. My husband and I would love for them to 
> move to Janesville but I don't think that will happen. They've been looking at 
> places that aren't too far away from my grandparents house so that it would be 
> easy for my grandpa to either get a ride with a neighbor, church member or 
> drive himself well he still can. One of their best friends lost his wife a 
> couple of years ago. Jake went through similar things with his wife. Sadly her 
> dementia was a lot more vicious then my grandma's. So my grandpa has someone 
> else in the neighborhood to go to who understands and get encouragement to do 
> some thing for everyone's sanity. He understands the difficult decision to 
> make.
> 
> Sometimes I wonder if the Lord gives us dementia later in life to help us 
> prepare for our eternal home. In the Bible it says that you will not enter 
> unless you have the heart of a child. Well with dementia many times you do go 
> back to your childhood in your mind. And if your physiological body degenerates 
> enough of course you need the assistance like a child would. Something to 
> ponder anyhow. Nothing is a curse unless you do not learn from the situation 
> something. And you only learn some thing from the situation unless you are 
> reflective and be still and listen to the Lord.
> 
> I am grateful that your husband is still doing OK. I've had family not make it 
> and it's tough to say some thing not respond and take a vibrant life. My dear 
> grandma when she talked to me tonight she first ask how are the packing was 
> going and where was my husband. She wanted to know if he was here on the couch 
> with me or at the other house. Of course she asked me which house are you at 
> but I knew what she was asking. My grandpa was going to call my husband down in 
> Janesville tonight so they could yak some..
> 
> Ericka Nelson
> 
>> On Jun 10, 2021, at 7:38 PM, BRUCE&JOY BRESLAUER via Faith-Talk 
>> <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> 
>> ?Has there been any thought to looking into assisted living places in
>> Jaynesville so that they can be closer to you?
>> 
>> I know how I would feel if I had to move out of my house.  When we
>> bought this house, I said the only way they'll get me out of here is
>> in a hearse.  But if something like dementia happens to me, I may not
>> have a choice.  Your grandma might adapt to a new place better than
>> your grandpa will.  It's a blessing that you have worked in memory
>> care for so long, because that has undoubtedly prepared you for this.
>> Knowing that God is in control of this situation must make it
>> considerably more tolerable.  Let Him do what He does best, and I'm
>> sure He will let you know how you can be there to assist and comfort them 
>> through the transition.
>> 
>> When will you be moving?  I want to keep that situation in prayer as well.
>> 
>> Blessings,
>> Joy
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Faith-Talk <faith-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka
>> via Faith-Talk
>> Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2021 1:22 PM
>> To: Faith-talk, for the discussion of Blindness in faith and religion
>> <faith-talk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [Faith-Talk] Faith, Blindness and elderly grandparents
>> 
>> Actually I think everything is providential. Yes actually we have
>> found a church already and have talk to the pastor. He is very adamant
>> that if somebody disrespects us from the congregation due to her
>> disability we're supposed to report to him. He won't tolerate any
>> discrimination of any kind. Or disrespectful remarks even. I take
>> comfort in knowing that memorial day my grandparents and my husband
>> now did go down to the house so they have been there. My grandma and I
>> are so close that I know that meant a lot to her to still feel like she's a 
>> part of the family.
>> 
>> I think for my husband and I we feel guilty that we can't be there
>> like a cited family member can easily or more easily do especially
>> since we do not have children. Ironically I worked in memory care in
>> some capacity or volunteered my whole adult life. I will pass on the
>> references to my grandfather who is quite adept at the computer for someone 
>> who is 95. Does his own taxes and everything!
>> I will share some of them also with my family as well since they've
>> had less experience. I am very appreciative that you found things in
>> our area. And you're right, we can as family members find a support
>> group. That's something both my grandfather and my parents could really use.
>> 
>> Oh I never explained why I thought this was providential. Well you see
>> my grandfather and grandmother are quite dang stubborn. We all saw the
>> signs but we couldn't get my grandfather to get home health. He
>> figured family and neighbors with just be able to be helped enough. So
>> now that she's wandering and getting hurt the game has really changed.
>> because once we move there won't be any family around to help it's
>> going to force him to face assisted living as an option. And that has
>> basically been what's happened. My mom comes up and sits with my
>> grandma while my grandpa goes to the doctor or some other appointment
>> and a couple of weeks ago just last week my dad and grandfather went
>> to look at an assisted living/rehab facility well my mom stayed with
>> my grandma. Arrest better knowing that the Lord is working in everyone
>> to make things safer for my grandpa and grandma. You have to hand it to them 
>> they've lived in their own home and never had any reason to change it until 
>> now.
>> 
>> Ericka Nelson
>> 
>>> On Jun 10, 2021, at 12:09 PM, BRUCE&JOY BRESLAUER via Faith-Talk
>>> <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> 
>>> ?Sounds like you have a plateful.
>>> We will pray for you.
>>> In addition, perhaps some of these resources might help.
>>> 
>>> https://www.alz.org
>>> 
>>> https://www.helpguide.org > alzheimers-dementia-aging
>>> 
>>> https://www.acl.gov
>>> 
>>> Caregiver's Guide to Understanding Dementia Behaviors ...
>>> https://www.caregiver.org > resource > caregivers-guide...
>>> 
>>> Wisconsin Alzheimer's Family & Caregiver Support Program
>>> https://www.payingforseniorcare.com > Wisconsin
>>> 
>>> Wisconsin - Alzheimer's Association https://www.alz.org > wi
>>> 
>>> Dementia/Memory Care - Rock County Wisconsin
>>> https://www.co.rock.wi.us
>>>> adrc > dementia-care
>>> 
>>> When my husband had cancer, we got in touch with the American Cancer
>>> Society and they helped us arrange free local rides with a cancer
>>> survivor to and from the doctor for daily radiation treatments.
>>> 
>>> It may be that there is a support group or a local organization that
>>> you can contact that can help.
>>> 
>>> I know this can be overwhelming.  I hope some of these suggestions or
>>> others you might find online can be of assistance.  I know
>>> transportation is a big deal, but lots of other people don't drive
>>> and I'm sure there are allowances for that.  Moving on top of this
>>> has to be stressful as well.  Will you be able to find a church near
>>> where you will live?
>>> 
>>> I guess one thing at a time.
>>> 
>>> Keeping you and your situation in prayer.
>>> 
>>> Joy
>>> 
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Faith-Talk <faith-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka
>>> via Faith-Talk
>>> Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2021 9:47 AM
>>> To: faith-talk at nfbnet.org
>>> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: [Faith-Talk] Faith, Blindness and elderly grandparents
>>> 
>>> Hey everybody is everyone all right? Hopefully you are enjoying a
>>> mask free summer with family and friends. Wisconsin Paul its mandate
>>> and the sizzling temperatures came about the same time so I'm quite
>>> thankful for many many reasons that we don't have to wear the masks anymore.
>>> 
>>> I don't know if my subject line intrigued anyone. This has been a
>>> pretty darn quiet space lately. I'm surprised there hasn't been more
>>> concerned over churches getting their services online and having them
>>> be accessible. Anyhow our church goes back fully next weekend to "normal".
>>> 
>>> How does everything else relate to the following below? It's not
>>> death. I'm not worried about that. I'm already prepared for the most
>>> part for my grandparents to pass. After all my grandma will be 97
>>> next month. My grandpa just turned 95 a few months ago. However how
>>> do people balance the duties of being a caring support of grandchild
>>> with their Blindness? Has anybody been a caregiver for their elderly
>>> grandparents or a parent? Have you especially cared for someone with
>>> Alzheimer's or other dementia? I'm the oldest grandchild Lucy and my
>>> grandma and I are close. Like best friends, sharing secrets and all
>>> that. So I can usually read her mind and I can totally understand her
>>> dementia world but I can't be there with her 24 /7. I'd like to be
>>> there not to be a home caregiver but to help her transition from home
>>> life which is not going well with the wondering issues and stuff to
>>> assisted-living. I want her to know that I'm still there. There was
>>> one incident where she got out of the house during the day forgot
>>> that she had the phone and was talking to me. She ended up wandering
>>> around the neighborhood asking everybody they saw if they had seen
>>> her granddaughter and of course let them know that she was visually
>>> impaired. Her baby brother was run over by a car you see at age 5 and
>>> she's always felt responsible ever cents so she was in another world
>>> thinking I wasn't safe because of the drivers. At least she kept the
>>> phone on because then my husband and I could hear what was going on
>>> and relayed things to the cops so they could bring her home and make
>>> sure she was more I mean my grandpa was home and all but he didn't
>>> realize she wandered off. She had been sitting outside talking to me
>>> sitting on the front stoop because the day was nice. This was a while ago.
>>> Now she's going out at night and last night she fell. She's in the
>>> hospital again for  the fall. Yesterday we buried her close friend
>>> and former neighbor.
>>> 
>>> Besides my grandpa, my husband and I are the only family in town.
>>> Well I have one cousin was dealing with the same issues with her mother.
>>> She's got a full load. My husband and I don't drive but my grandpa
>>> does so we can do get rides.
>>> Passing after the pandemic is a nightmare. The website with all the
>>> road information isn't easily accessible and staff can't answer
>>> questions anymore.
>>> Only bus drivers know so you can't really plan a route anymore you're
>>> in Madison. Most of the good assisted-living places are not on bus
>>> routes anyhow and never were. I really wish I could be the
>>> granddaughter came to visit every day. I know how important that is
>>> after 30 years of either volunteer or paid work in the field of
>>> dementia care. I don't know what to ask for. Of course prayers are
>>> helpful but anyone who has advice or emotional support would be very
>>> very much appreciated.
>>> 
>>> We are moving also so it complicates everything more. It's too
>>> expensive to live in Madison and with the unreliable bus situation we
>>> are moving to Janesville, a half hour ride southeast which does have
>>> busing up to Madison regularl.  We're trying not to feel guilty. We
>>> know that my grandpa won't be able to drive much longer. There's
>>> probably more I could give you for background but I hope that all
>>> have some good help for us.
>>> 
>>> Ericka Nelson
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>>> 
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>> 
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