[Flagdu] Lessons learned from your dog

[Peter]

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG.  
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want. 
Don't go out without ID. 
Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on  their shoes.  
Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it. 
Leave room in your schedule for a good nap. 
Always give people a friendly greeting. 
A cold nose in the crotch is most effective. 
When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as  you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed). 
If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss. 

Things We Can Learn From a Dog: 
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride. 
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. 
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. 
When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience. 
Let others know when they've invaded your territory. 
Take naps and always stretch before rising. 
Run, romp, and play daily. 
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. 
Be loyal. 
Never pretend to be something you're not. 
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. 
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle  them gently. 
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. 
Thrive on attention and let people touch you, unless you are a guide dog. 
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. 
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. 
When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body. 
No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing  and pout. Run right back and make friends. 

"How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" 
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up  to code. 
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our  whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid  burned-out light bulb? 
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!  
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it.  
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. 
Rottweiler: Make me. 
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . . 
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can  I? Huh? Huh? Can I? 
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. 
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the  walls and furniture. 
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.  
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.  
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark.  
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.  
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.  
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover. 
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there . . . . . . . 
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? 
Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little  circle . . . 
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? 
Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am  not one of THEM, so the question is, how long will it be before I can  expect my light?  
Hound: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz! 

What is a Cat?   
Cats do what they want. 
They rarely listen to you. 
They're totally unpredictable. 
When you want to play, they want to be alone. 
When you want to be alone, they want to play. 
They expect you to cater to their every whim. 
They're moody. 
They leave hair everywhere. 
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.