[Home-on-the-range] how do we reverse trend of "learned helplessness"?

[Cindy Ray]

Of course, sometimes the not saying anything creates a problem. I don't take Fisher with me to see my trainer. She wants to walk with me to the cab, so I go ahead and take her arm just because it is easier. Sometimes after that the drivers feel they must walk me to the door. Mostly, I can gently get out of that one. It is all a balancing act and, while I think we need to be as independent as possible, we can run the risk of alienating people by way of never wanting them to do for us, to help us. We end up aloof. Sometimes the accepting of help starts friendships that might not have started, I think.

CL

On Jan 15, 2013, at 9:13 AM, Stanzel, Susan - FSA, Kansas City, MO wrote:

> He just tells me he can do it and I don't say any more. Sometimes he is a little more helpful to me and I am having a little problem with it, but I am having problems with my hip and if I fall it could be bad news. When you add another problem to being blind life gets a little more complicated. I am so afraid of falling that I don't say anything when someone says there is a step coming. One time I told a blind person there was a long flight of steps coming at the Capitol in Topeka and she told me that is what her cane is for. I remember it like yesterday because it hurt my feelings. That is why I am always nice when someone even tries to help me across the street when I don't need it.
> 
> Susie
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Home-on-the-range [mailto:home-on-the-range-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Cindy Ray
> Sent: Tuesday, January 15, 2013 9:07 AM
> To: NFB of Kansas Internet Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Home-on-the-range] how do we reverse trend of "learned helplessness"?
> 
> Yes, but that is how people often feel about us. Of course often they think we can't do things. I suspect that is not an issue between you and Dan. How does he treat you with regard to such matters. This is not meant to be a personal question.
> 
> CL
> 
> On Jan 15, 2013, at 8:38 AM, Stanzel, Susan - FSA, Kansas City, MO wrote:
> 
>> Mostly I want to make his life easier. 
>> 
>> Susie
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Home-on-the-range [mailto:home-on-the-range-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Cindy Ray
>> Sent: Tuesday, January 15, 2013 8:27 AM
>> To: NFB of Kansas Internet Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Home-on-the-range] how do we reverse trend of "learned helplessness"?
>> 
>> Well, susie sometimes the wanting to be helpful is twofold, doin 't you think. On the one hand, you want to make Dan's life easier. On the other, there is still a little bart of you wanting to show *him* that you are capable of doing those things he, or someone else, is doing.
>> 
>> CL
>> 
>> On Jan 15, 2013, at 7:55 AM, Stanzel, Susan - FSA, Kansas City, MO wrote:
>> 
>>> Good morning everyone,
>>> 
>>> It is so hard to even know where to begin. Each day at work I make coffee like everyone else. That may look like a small thing to us, but it speaks volumes to everyone around. It doesn't have to be huge things we do. Some of you know I am dating Dan Roberts. His right side has damaged due to a car accident when he was 11. I have found myself in a strange position of wanting to be too helpful. He always says he can do what ever he is doing. It has felt odd being on the other side of things. He is very independent. I couldn't spend time with him if he didn't have the same "can do" attitude we have.
>>> 
>>> Susie
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Home-on-the-range [mailto:home-on-the-range-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Cindy Ray
>>> Sent: Tuesday, January 15, 2013 7:37 AM
>>> To: NFB of Kansas Internet Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [Home-on-the-range] how do we reverse trend of "learned helplessness"?
>>> 
>>> When I saw Dianne's thought-provoking questions/message, I happened to be reading Newsline on my phone. I had just read the January monitor article about digitized books. Even with less than the sighted, there is so much more available to us, so much that we need to be taking advantage of. I think we need to tell people what is available. I think it is fine to talk about our challenges, but we need to be willing to work with them and live into them in ways that show  us to be determined and and worthy of the help we need when we need it. It is heart to break in, and the way we have to do that is to keep swimming, keep doing things that make it happen for us. I remain in the choir at church though it is a lot of work because I really must memorize the pieces well. I am the only alto who sings the part right. The other alto has some mild dementia and, though she knows music, she is unable to get the notes right, so I have to carry the part. I need to find other ways in the church and the rest of the community to show that I am capable. I think, though, that it cannot become such a pressure that it is difficult to navigate. None of us has to be perfect, but we need to do all we can to learn to use what is available to us. I scanned all of my texts at seminary. Often I buy on iBooks books that we are studying at church or that I hear about so I can discuss them. We (I) need to be abreast of the news that is current and other things of interest to people with whom I spend time so that I can talk about them somewhat intelligently. In short, we need to show up.
>>> CL
>>> 
>>> 
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>> 
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