[humanser] Blind people and sexual prowess

Tue Apr 7 08:48:58 UTC 2009

ummm there are plenty of free sex audeo sites around for both genders..

But how appropriate would that be to speak of them?

I was always frustrated that for females, a sex toy was more sociable
acceptable than for males.
 But again, is this the right forrum to be speaking about  this topic?

Jonathan
-----Original Message-----
From: humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org]On
Behalf Of David Andrews
Sent: Tuesday, April 07, 2009 12:36 AM
To: Human Services Mailing List
Subject: Re: [humanser] Blind people and sexual prowess

There was an audio-oriented web site around several years back that
had sex-related audio on it.  A little was free, more if you paid a
monthly fee.  Have lost track of it -- don't know if it still exists or not.

Dave

At 06:49 PM 4/6/2009, you wrote:

>Hi All:
>
>Does this mean that I'm not automatically a Olympic class sex
>performer by virtue of my blindness?
>
>And, is there audio description for that video?
>
>
>Actually the second question is somewhat serious.  Sexual aides are
>largely visual:  photos and videos.  These are easily available for
>the light dependent, but unavailable to the blind.  Frequently these
>aides play a role in men's, women's, & couple's sex lives.  Sexual
>materials are huge on the internet and many of the sites have little
>or no text, only being, I'm guessing, collections of
>photographs.  Sometimes it is awarkward to talk about, but blind
>people live without this stimulating material.  Are we deprived or
>sheltered?  What do you suggest for fantasy material for your blind
clients?
>
>
>JD Townsend, LCSW
>Daytona Beach, Florida, Earth, Sol System
>Helping the light dependent to see.
>
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Jonathan Alpert" <jna3434 at comcast.net>
>To: "Human Services Mailing List" <humanser at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Monday, April 06, 2009 7:07 AM
>Subject: Re: [humanser] Blind people and sexual prowess
>
>
>>HI, I read this entire email.
>>I had one comment than I read the second part and it made me forget the
>>first part.
>>
>>The first part was very well written-said.
>>I agree 100%
>>
>>The second part was a very interesting  story.
>>I always wonder   about who's smile I didnt get to see on campous. What
>>girl's eyes I didnt notice..
>>I heard 3rd hand, that people saw me and wanted to chat, but didnt want to
>>disturb  me as I was walking around campous. Not that I was popular in
>>highschool at all, more of a loner, but since I graduated high school 12
>>years ago (I feel old *laughs*) only 3 of my class mates said hi to me. 1
>>girl in a restaurant came over and said hi. another girl was working the
>>counter of an airport  and a  guy saw me in a mall and stopped me to say
hi.
>>
>>It's frustrating for the most part but writing to people of my peers, I
>>guess everyone has  simular experiences.
>>
>>Thank you
>>Jonathan
>>p.s. Today is Redsox Opening Day in Boston and I am so excited!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org]On
>>Behalf Of Carmella D Broome
>>Sent: Saturday, April 04, 2009 10:20 AM
>>To: Human Services Mailing List
>>Subject: [humanser] Blind people and sexual prowess
>>
>>
>>Well, they say perception is reality.  I think that there is a lot of
>>romantic  mystery about blind people. Even though a lot of people respond
to
>>us with discomfort or even fear, there are always  those folks who think
we
>>have  more intuitive powers, the ability to go straight to knowing
someone's
>>soul because we aren't distracted by physical appearances,  are incredibly
>>into our senses of touch and more sensitive to  physical sensations, and
so
>>on.   Maybe part of the idea is that blind people are  just waiting  for
>>someone to  give us the opportunity to unlock our pent up sexual energies.
>>I have no idea.  I suppose there are much worse stereotypes.
>>
>>My hope would be that all of us,  when involved in a relationship,  would
>>strive for communication and understanding and reciprocity. Anyone,  blind
>>or sighted, should want to understand  and  strive to provide what matters
>>to their  partner, sexually and otherwise.  All relationships are about
>>growth, stretching ourselves, and learning how to   communicate love in a
>>language the other can hear most clearly.  That means, speaking their love
>>language and trying to  help them understand and speak ours. This
>>sensitivity, respect,  and communication can lead to true intimacy on all
>>levels. Obviously, being a good lover is not just  about  skill in bed.
>>Chemistry is either present or just isn't and can be present at different
>>levels.  Emotional closeness and comfort allows many people to feel more
>>able to  be less inhibitted physically and  to explore and  seek to be
more
>>and more compatible as a couple in all areas.  Certain skills can be
>>learned, but it is so much more about figuring out what our partner enjoys
>>and how they want to be loved physically and emotionally.
>>
>>Maybe writings like this will lead to much more active social lives for
some
>>blind folks. Of course, with all those expectations floating around,
>>there's bound to be some disappointment and  also bound to be some
>>performance anxiety on the part of the blind person expected to be the
>>world's most incredible lover.
>>
>>There have been movies that perpetuate these ideas. Some of them were
>>mainstream and maybe some were, well, not so mainstream. Here is an
excerpt
>>from Carmella's Quest  that explains my experience with a guy who seems to
>>have had some of those   sexualized ideas about blind women.
>>
>>"Oh, this is my roommate, Carmella. Carmella, this is
>>Jimmy."
>>
>>"Were you a cheerleader in high school?" he surprised me
>>by asking.
>>
>>"A cheerleader?" I repeated skeptically. "No, I wasn't."
>>
>>"Would you consider being one here?"
>>
>>I would have been less surprised if he had asked if I'd ever
>>thought about building a house on the moon. I knew my
>>personality wasn't suited for cheerleading. I was too serious and
>>introverted. But even if I had been the bubbly, energetic type, blind
>>girls couldn't be cheerleaders, could they? I'd never heard of one.
>>How on earth would someone who couldn't see learn the moves
>>and coordination?
>>
>>"I've never thought of myself as the cheerleader type," I
>>said.
>>
>>"Jimmy is a stunt guy with our cheerleaders now," Kelly
>>explained.
>>
>>"Yeah," he said, "That's why I asked you. I bet you don't
>>weigh one hundred pounds. You're the kind of girl that's easy to
>>throw around and stuff."
>>
>>"Throw around," I said, not comfortable with his choice of
>>words.
>>
>>"You know, for flips and stunts and stuff. You should think
>>about it."
>>
>>"Actually, I do weigh more than a hundred pounds," I said,
>>hoping my admission would curb his enthusiasm.
>>
>>"Not much more," he said confidently, getting up to leave.
>>"You're tiny and your height is perfect. Five foot two, right? Think
>>about it. See you around."
>>
>>I crossed paths with Jimmy several times during the next
>>week. He always stopped to chat a minute. I wondered how many
>>times I'd been around him and just hadn't known it. It was
>>frustrating not to be able to visually identify the people I passed
>>every day. This lack of knowledge meant I couldn't take the
>>initiative to speak to someone who looked nice or interesting. It
>>also meant I couldn't smile or catch the eye of someone looking at
>>me if I wanted to encourage their interest. Nor could I observe
>>people's interactions, posture, facial expressions, or mannerisms. I
>>knew that missing out on these subtle but important clues put me at
>>a disadvantage in social situations.
>>
>>One afternoon, Jimmy came into the post office as I was
>>checking my mail.
>>
>>"You know, I started to call you last night." Jimmy said,
>>changing the subject. A bunch of us were going off campus for
>>dinner, and I was going to ask you to come with us, but I didn't
>>have your extension."
>>
>>"7301," I told him, slipping an envelope out of my
>>mailbox.
>>
>>"Thanks. Next time I'll call you."
>>
>>Walking back to my room, I couldn't help wondering why
>>Jimmy would want to hang out with me. He couldn't really be
>>thinking of asking me out, could he? I found the possibility
>>intriguing but unlikely. I considered my opinion of myself to be
>>pretty realistic, and I knew I wasn't the type of girl most jocks
>>were attracted to anymore than I was the cheerleader type. Maybe I
>>was stereotyping, but I just couldn't figure out why he would find
>>a girl like me particularly interesting. I wondered if he would really
>>call-and if I wanted him to. If he did, what would he say? More
>>importantly, what would I say?
>>
>>He called later that evening.
>>
>>"I called because I felt bad about lying to you," he
>>explained. "I didn't go out with a bunch of people last night. It was
>>just me, and I wanted you to go."
>>
>>Did football players always use lines like that? Before I
>>could come up with a reply, Jimmy spoke again.
>>
>>
>>"Well, I really do want to get to know you better," he said.
>>"Why don't we find an empty swing and talk for a little while?"
>>
>>Ten minutes later I was slipping my hand around Jimmy's
>>massive elbow, and the search for an empty swing began. The first
>>two were occupied by couples too intent on each other to notice us.
>>As we made our way toward the third and final swing, I
>>remembered what Scott always said to Tim and me when he saw
>>us walking around together. "Remember, guys, if two people of the
>>opposite sex are seen on any combination of swings more than
>>three times, they're probably going to get married."
>>
>>Unbelievably, the last swing was empty.
>>
>>"You know," Jimmy said as we sat down, "I was really
>>glad to see you in the cafeteria with Kelly the other day. I've seen
>>you around campus all semester and wanted to talk to you, but I
>>just was never sure what to say."
>>
>>That statement surprised me. Of all the words I would've
>>used to describe him, "shy" certainly wouldn't have made the list.
>>
>>"I've been telling the guys on the team I wanted to get to
>>know you," he went on. "A few years back I saw this movie. I
>>don't remember the name of it, but there was this beautiful blind
>>girl in it. I was just so fascinated by how she did things. Ever since
>>then, I've wanted to get to know a girl like that. Who can't see, I
>>mean. The guys don't believe me. They say it's just because you're
>>cute." He draped an arm over the back of the swing, brushing the
>>bare skin of my upper arm with his fingertips.
>>
>>"Tell me about the movie," I said, wanting to try to gauge
>>what kind of fictitious image I would be compared to in this guy's
>>mind.
>>
>>Jimmy proceeded to give me a rapt description of the girl in
>>the movie. He talked about how beautiful she was: how she would
>>run her fingers over objects and how she seemed so tuned in to her
>>sense of touch. He also told me all about how her boyfriend would
>>read to her and describe things to her, and put things in her hands,
>>and on and on.
>>
>>Jimmy continued talking about the movie. "He wanted her
>>to experience everything." Her world had been limited to what she
>>could hear and touch. He wanted to explain things so she could get
>>an idea of what they might look like, even though she'd never
>>really seen color or shapes or anything. But then she helped him
>>really pay attention to how things felt and to sounds and to
>>intuition and stuff like that."
>>
>>"It's a gorgeous evening," Jimmy said, "There are so many
>>stars out and fireflies, too. Can you see those?"
>>
>>"Sure, if they're in a jar or something where I can look at
>>them up close, I can see them light up. That's about the closest I
>>get to seeing starlight, I guess."
>>
>>"It's not the same," Jimmy said. "You need to get to see the
>>stars. What about if you had a really good telescope?"
>>
>>"I don't know," I said.
>>
>>"Maybe I can figure something out," Jimmy said. "Maybe
>>they have a telescope in the science department they would let us
>>use. I'll ask my general science professor. He doesn't like me
>>much because I sleep through his class all the time, but maybe if I
>>tell him why I want to use it he'll realize I really am a decent guy."
>>
>>I imagined that's what the boyfriend in the movie would've
>>said, minus the sleeping-through-class part.
>>
>>When we said good night in front of my dorm, Jimmy
>>asked me if I were going to the play the school's drama department
>>was presenting the following evening.
>>
>>"Sure," I said. "It's one of the more painless cultural
>>events."
>>
>>"No kidding," Jimmy said. "I'd rather go to a play than one
>>of those boring instrumental concerts or art galleries. I'll find you
>>and we can sit together."
>>
>>"That's fine," I said. "See you tomorrow."
>>
>>I had a hard time refocusing on my psychology project. I
>>wasn't sure how to respond to the evening's events. I still couldn't
>>sort out Jimmy's motives. Did he really want to get to know me for
>>me or because I was blind? I wasn't comfortable with the idea of
>>simply being a means to satisfying his curiosity or of being an
>>object of fascination because of preconceived notions. I still didn't
>>have enough information to decide whether or not I wanted to
>>continue our association, such as it was. "Maybe I'll be able to
>>figure things out a little more after tomorrow night," I told myself.
>>
>>But Jimmy never showed up for the play we'd talked about. In
>>fact, I didn't hear from him again for more than a week. I was
>>annoyed by this lack of contact but couldn't quite decide whether I
>>had a right to be. It seemed to me that someone who claimed to be
>>so interested in getting to know me would have more to say, but
>>maybe he'd changed his mind about that. He finally called late one
>>evening. He asked me to have lunch with him the following
>>afternoon.
>>
>>The meal was pleasant enough. Jimmy helped me get
>>my tray, and we had a decent conversation. That was the last time I
>>ever really talked to him. We had a couple more brief phone
>>conversations during the next couple of weeks. After that, our
>>contact was limited to short exchanges in passing, and often,
>>according to my friends, he'd walk right by without speaking. I
>>wondered why he'd decided not to have anything else to do with
>>me. Maybe I hadn't responded eagerly enough to his show of
>>interest. He was probably used to girls practically throwing
>>themselves at him. Or perhaps a real blind girl wasn't as intriguing
>>as the fictitious one that had fascinated him so much.
>>
>>"You know, I'm sure that blind girl was played by a sighted
>>actress," I blurted out while having dinner in the cafeteria with Scott
one
>>evening. "No one I've talked to about that movie has
>>ever heard of it anyway."
>>
>>Scott sighed deeply. "Carmella, can I say something to you
>>and be completely honest?"
>>
>>"Sure." Recognizing the seriousness of his tone, I put my
>>fork down and waited.
>>
>>"This is probably going to be a little shocking for you,"
>>Scott said carefully. "I don't want to ruin all the nice ideas you
>>have about your former football player, but I've given this some
>>thought."
>>
>>"He's not my former anything. What is it?"
>>
>>"Porn," he said.
>>
>>"Excuse me?"
>>
>>"Porn," he said again.
>>
>>"What do you mean?" I was genuinely confused.
>>
>>"The movie about the blind girl," Scott explained patiently.
>>"I think it was probably porn."
>>
>>"You mean . . . you think . . ." I couldn't finish the
>>sentence. As I thought about it, I realized how right Scott most
>>likely was. It was true that I knew next to nothing about "that kind
>>of stuff." Nothing remotely similar had crossed my mind. I'd just
>>thought it was some film that was either really old or obscure, but
>>Jimmy didn't seem like the type to be interested in classic or
>>independent films-not the kind I was thinking of, anyway.
>>
>>"The movie . . . the guy wanted to show the blind girl
>>things she'd never experienced before. She taught the guy more
>>about the pleasure of touch. She was so beautiful."
>>
>>"Right," Scott said. I guessed he'd watched my expression
>>change as I considered his hypothesis. "Beautiful and naked."
>>
>>"Gross," I finally said. "Well, it did sound like a lame
>>plot."
>>
>>We ran the idea by Lynn the next day.
>>
>>"You think?" She paused for a long moment before
>>agreeing. "I think Scott's right. That guy's a weirdo."
>>
>>Bryan, as usual, thought it was hilarious. We spent about
>>half an hour one night coming up with possible titles for the movie,
>>which I shared with Scott and Lynn. Tamer suggestions included,
>>"Lust is Blind," "Breasts and Braille," "Sightless Seduction,"
>>"Blinks in Bikinis," and "Canes and Concubines."
>>
>>
>>Carmella Broome, Ed.S., LPC, LMFT/I
>>Crossroads Counseling Center
>>www.solutionsforlife.org
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