[humanser] Acknowledge or ignore?

Doug Lee dgl at dlee.org
Thu Mar 26 09:18:27 UTC 2009 

This situation very much reminds me of some feelings I had recently as
well.  I had occasion to visit Estonia late last year for a week-long
consulting job.  I had worked very briefly in Chicago with a couple of
the same people, and in Chicago I navigated very confidently around
the large hotel where we met.  But in Estonia, my confidence was
hampered by there being no Braille in the hotel and by my tendency to
be much more careful than assertive when in another country, at least
until I understand what expectations might be different there.  Also,
while I was in the company offices, I really was always traveling with
people because they had me scheduled for meetings all day every day.
As a result, I didn't do a lot of independent navigating until I had
been there for several days, except of course for minor things like
going to and from the restroom.

I remember being very glad that a couple key people there had seen me
navigating the Chicago hotel by myself, and this helped me avoid
feeling it necessary to say or do anything to prove my ability to do
that.  However, I do learn a place much better if I'm not hanging on
to someone, and I realized halfway through my stay that my decisions
to avoid looking like I was proving something had actually prevented
me from learning my way around as well as usual by then.

In general, while I was in Estonia, I chose to favor getting the job
done over proving my ability to travel.  Thus, for example, I always
walked with people to the cafeteria for lunch because to do otherwise
would have reduced my ability to communicate with company staff,
besides being far from a subtle remark on my independence.  As our
meetings continually occurred in different conference rooms in the
building, I also found it most efficient to walk with people to
meetings.  What little time I had outside of meetings was best spent
conversing with staff rather than independently touring the place.

What feelings I still had that made me want to do something actually
came out in my several decisions to join small groups that wanted to
walk rather than drive back from evening outings, and sometimes maybe
to encourage the formation of such little groups.  I did finally find
some time to explore on my own near the end of my stay, and on my last
day I did a couple of things that required me to travel throughout the
building alone.

I guess I'm writing this mostly because I thought it might interest
you, or to say you're not alone in sometimes having to struggle with
the line between wise and unwise assertiveness on this point.  There
are a lot of ways to communicate though, and when subtlety seems
wisest, as in this sort of case, I think it really is something of an
art form to figure out ways of saying "I can do that" without using
words or drawing undue attention to the issue.  I actually like your
"front row seats" comment!  At least to me, it was a very subtle
indication that you took the offer of an arm as more a courtesy or
convenience than as a necessity or expectation.  I wonder if you
already addressed the issue sufficiently by saying that. :)

On Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 01:00:59AM -0400, Mary Chappell wrote:
Judith,
Thank you. I really appreciate the advice
 Yeah, if I normalize the situation focusing on the first time aspects of
the experience, there is a better semblance of equity. Thanks.
Mary
-----Original Message-----
From: humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Judith Bron
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 10:55 PM
To: Human Services Mailing List
Subject: Re: [humanser] Acknowledge or ignore?

Mary, You can call him and say something like, "It was wonderful meeting 
you.  I appreciated your help in negotiating the facility, but from my past 
working experience I know that I can navagate a facility with no problem.  I

just wanted to thank you for making it easier my first time."
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Mary Chappell" <mtc5 at cox.net>
To: "'Human Services Mailing List'" <humanser at nfbnet.org>; 
<bblind-counselors at topica.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 7:47 PM
Subject: [humanser] Acknowledge or ignore?


> Hoping you all can help me with a dilemma that may appear silly but, it's
> heavy on my mind.
> Recently, I went to an interview for a year-long, extern training 
> experience
> at a state psychiatric hospital. I currently work on a psychiatric unit at

> a
> research hospital. 7 Other candidates were also there. So, day begins with

> a
> panel interview with 2 of the 10 supervisory clinicians with whom I'll be
> working. Following that, there is an group tour where all candidates come
> together to tour the facility, a large, multi unit facility with 6 
> separate
> wings and a series of locked units and external courtyards.
>
> When the group tour was beginning, the tour guide, another supervisor who
> heads up the assessment tasks and is the Director of Training, asked me if
> I'd like to take his arm and tour the facility. In the moment part of me
> wanted to decline, lest the perception be that I am unable to negotiate 
> the
> facility on my own, but, for efficiency I accepted, thanking him for"front
> row seats". The tour went well, I laughing and joking with the supervisor,
> discussing aspects of the therapeutic milieu, patient challenges, and
> training opportunities. All felt like it went well. Down to the moments 
> when
> I was leaving the interview and the same supervisor was in the exit way 
> with
> another candidate who was asking a question. As I was going through the
> supervisor stopped me and asked me to be in touch. Long story short, I 
> felt
> content with the experience, that is, until I reflected on it. I am
> wondering if I should address the sighted-guide issue and my capacity for
> independence and autonomy. Part of me feels like I should, in some way
> emphasize my comfort in negotiating the facility on my own and another 
> part
> of me feels I would be magnifying something that need not be an issue.
>
> I work on a unit and have had no problems in the past... Any thoughts? Do 
> I
> say something or do I leave it alone? They will be interviewing on three
> other dates and will decide on 3 trainees for the next academic year.
> Decisions will be made on April 13. Let me know your thoughts.
> Mary
>
>
>
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-- 
Doug Lee                 dgl at dlee.org                http://www.dlee.org
SSB BART Group           doug.lee at ssbbartgroup.com   http://www.ssbbartgroup.com
Freedom is not the ability to have what we want.  Freedom is merely the
ability to seek it.  To be free defines what we can do, not what we can get.
(03/28/05)

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