[humanser] Scared Of Public Speaking? 3 Quick Tips To Conquer Your Fear

[Mary Ann Robinson]

Expert Perspective
  Scared Of Public Speaking? 3 Quick Tips To Conquer Your Fe
  BY Bill Wackermann 05-09-2012 11:35 AM
  This article is written by a member of our expert contributor
community.
  In business, irrational fears encompass everything from fear of
rejection, fear of authority, and fear of criticism to fear of
failure and even fear of success.  Such fears keep us from being
able to "just figure things out" and making the flip that can
propel us in a good direction.  Let me tell you a story to
illustrate this point.
  A good friend of mine, Tom, is one of the most talented sports
agents in his business.  Hard-charging, funny, and smart, Tom has
a natural touch with his clients and is on the fast track toward
senior management.
  Unfortunately, Tom suffers from one of the business world's
most common irrational fears, a fear of public speaking.
  On the surface, when you see Tom, this makes no sense.  Why
would he be afraid to talk in front of a crowd? He's confident,
articulate, and successful.  But he is deathly afraid of standing
alone in front of a crowd and speaking.  The interesting thing is
that he has no problem contributing as part of a panel or group.
It's only speaking solo that causes him to panic.  No matter how
many times he successfully speaks on a panel, no matter how many
times he receives compliments and assurances on his performance,
he still remains terrified to speak alone in public.  It's an
irrational fear that is impacting his business goals, and he'll
never be able to find faith and reach his potential unless he can
get over it.
  To balance his scale, one that was tilting heavily in favor of
fear, I gave Tom a positive variable for every negative fear.
  Tom had three primary negative fears: (1) that people were
judging him, (2) that he needed to be perfect, (3) that he would
freeze and get stuck.  Here's a list of the balancing variables:
  1.  ininationegative fear: Everyone is judging me.
ininstPositive variable: People are self-interested./
  People think that when they're speaking in public, the audience
is hanging on every word they say.  That is just not the case.
People are egocentric.  Most people are actually thinking
primarily about themselves.  It's human nature.
  What most of the audience is probably thinking about is what
they have to do later that day, or else they're checking their
BlackBerrys and looking for new email, wondering what they're
going to eat for dinner, or playing back in their minds the fight
they had with their partner last night.  So, I asked Tom, if you
slip up, who cares? Most people won't even remember it.  You have
to have faith that everyone is really primarily concerned about
themselves and their own lives.  It can free you from feeling
that all their attention is on you.
  2.  ininationegative fear: I need to be perfect.
ininstPositive variable: Nothing's perfect; accept xffst
  I also advised Tom, whenever he gets nervous, to remember the
line "New York would be an incredible place if they just finished
building it." Meaning that it's never going to be complete and
perfect.  Construction will never be completed in New York; the
city is a constant work in progress.  And so are all of us.  We
have to develop faith that others will value us as we are.
People still love New York with all its noise and mistakes, and
you have to have faith in yourself that others will love you and
appreciate you even if you make a mistake now and again.
  3.  ininationegative fear: I am afraid I will freeze and get
stuck.  ininstPositive variable: You can memorize your speech.
still The last piece of advice was purely technical for Tom: When
you are nervous about speaking in public, always look toward the
back wall; it can't make facial expressions to distract you.  I
told him that until he was more confident speaking, he shouldn't
try to make direct eye contact.  I also advised him to memorize
the beginning of the speech.  It is usually the beginning of
anything that is most difficult; if you memorize it and know it
cold, you will feel much more comfortable.
  The advice helped, and Tom seemed more relaxed on stage.
Providing him with concrete positive variables to offset every
irrational fear gave him a sense of control over the fears.  He
counteracted the irrational fear that his speech had to be
perfect and Oscar-worthy with the good variable that no one is
really so focused on everything a speaker says.  He counteracted
the fear that all the years of his hard work and success would be
in doubt if he made a mistake with the good variable that even if
everything went wrong, he was a valuable player in the
organization and would still be respected.  With those ideas at
the front of his mind, he delivered his presentation a week
later, to great success.
  When overcoming irrational fear, balance the scale by adding a
positive variable for every negative fear.
  stTh article is an excerpt from Flip the Script: How to Turn
the Tables and Win in Business and Life by Bill Wackerman,
available now from Free Press.  still Copyright B) 2012 Mansueto
Ventures LLC.  All rights reserved.
_______________________________________________
acb-hsp mailing list
acb-hsp at acb.org
http://www.acb.org/mailman/listinfo/acb-hsp
-----
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG -
www.avg.com
Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2425/4988 - Release Date: 05/09/12