[humanser] Handling Silence in Therapy

[JD Townsend]

Thank you, Darrel , for this excellent post.


JD
-----Original Message----- 
From: Darrel Kirby via humanser
Sent: Thursday, October 02, 2014 9:20 PM
To: 'Alyssa Munsell' ; 'Human Services Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [humanser] Handling Silence in Therapy

Excellent question and even better answers. My experience has revealed that
blindness as a therapist is one of my greatest tools. Firstly, I have heard
from many therapists that silence is a skill that takes time to develop. I
would not panic about having some difficulty with it.

Secondly, I find, now serving as a practicum instructor, that students do
not permit clients enough time to think about the questions asked. My
students and supervisors who observe me have provided feedback that they
cannot believe how comfortable I am with silence. No matter what is
happening, I thinkit is part of my job responsibility to create the space
for clients to think, feel, do, and say whatever necessary for them at the
time. It takes time to dive deep and I do not want my clients talking if
they are busy diving.

Thirdly, like others have mentioned, I distinguish between silence that is
communicating a very loud message, and that ambiguous silence. If things are
going well and I suddenly experience silence, I either use humor to remind
them I cannot see their non-verbals or I use immediacy to ask what they are
thinking or feeling right now. If I get the sense that my client is angry
and the silence is a passive-aggressive attempt to punish me or a family
member, I, being a cognitive-behavioral therapist, might suggest asking, "I
can feel your anger and anger is a perfectly acceptable emotion, but I have
to wonder if what you are telling yourself right now about me/your family
member is actually true?... What if you are telling yourself something that
is making you mad and it isn't even true... or maybe it is true"

All of these situations depend upon client hx and are case sensitive. I do
not work with children, but all of the examples of getting people to talk
are great. I like, "What do you do for fun?" "favorite movie, book, song,
artist?" "Who is your hero or who do you respect/value."

And back to that idea that blindness is a tool... I think we create the
space for people to take off their masks and get honest with themselves. I
have had clients tell me that not seeing them provides a sense of safety. I
also think blindness offers a chance to demonstrate "solution-focused"
approaches to problems, over-coming adversity, the power of
attitude/thinking, and modeling healthy communication. Communication is the
sending and receiving of messages. As blind people we do not always get the
non-verbals, but we are still responsible for clarifying that the messages
we send are received by others. We must also clarify that the messages we
receive are the messages others are trying to send. Encouraging, by
necessity, our clients to use their words helps with emotional expression
and practicing effective communication.

I hope these suggestions are helpful

Darrel Kirby



-----Original Message-----
From: humanser [mailto:humanser-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Alyssa
Munsell via humanser
Sent: Monday, September 29, 2014 6:27 PM
To: humanser at nfbnet.org
Subject: [humanser] Handling Silence in Therapy

Hi everyone!



I hope this message finds you all well. I have a question for those of you
who practice mental health therapy. I've been doing therapy for my final
year internship, and I am noticing that I'm not comfortable when there is a
long period of silence between my clients and I. This is because I'm not
able to see their body language well, and therefore, am having a hard time
assessing whether or not the silence is productive. As you probably already
know, silence can be powerful and necessary in therapy, so I don't want to
diminish it. However, without being able to see non-verbal cues about what's
going on with the person (e.g. they're just thinking or looking at me to say
something), it is hard for me to know what to do. I was wondering what you
all do in those types of situations.



Any feedback would be immensely appreciated.



Thanks so much,



Alyssa

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JD Townsend LCSW
Helping the light dependent to see.
Daytona Beach, Earth, Sol System