[il-talk] Article by Deborah Kendrick

Thu Jun 23 20:01:30 UTC 2011

Debbie,
  Thanks for passing this thought-provoking article along.  People that I 
have just met have often asked how I lost my sight almost immediately after 
our introduction!  Some people have a hard time thinking beyound my 
blindness, most friends don't give it a second thought.

    Cathy
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Deborah Kent Stein" <dkent5817 at att.net>
To: "Multiple recipients of NFBnet il-talk Mailing List" 
<il-talk at NFBnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, June 21, 2011 2:55 PM
Subject: [il-talk] Article by Deborah Kendrick

>
> Deborah Kendrick is a freelance writer and active member of the NFB of 
> Ohio.
>
> Deborah Kendrick commentary: When meeting someone with a disability, some 
> cross the
>
> line
>
> Sunday, June 5, 2011 03:11 AM
>
> The Columbus Dispatch
>
> There's a certain kind of assault unique to people with visible 
> disabilities. It's
>
> an assault on privacy, an overstepping of boundaries, an occasional 
> aberration that
>
> can ruin your whole day.
>
> "Sooo, what happened
>
> to you?" is the bluntest, most raw form of the invasion. And it usually 
> catches
>
> you off guard. Imagine yourself daydreaming at the swimming pool or riding 
> the bus
>
> home from work, and suddenly a stranger is in your face with such a 
> question.
>
> The sniper-like surprises can occur anywhere. And sometimes they're more 
> specifically
>
> directed.
>
> In an elevator or a doctor's waiting room, a stranger might suddenly ask 
> me, "Is
>
> your husband blind, too, or what?"
>
> Or maybe I'm at an awards luncheon, and after such getting-to-know-you 
> topics as
>
> the salad dressing and the hot rolls have been exhausted, the guy beside 
> me might
>
> casually inquire, "How'd you lose your sight?"
>
> It doesn't happen often, but most people with a disability that can be 
> seen
>
> know the experience. Gripped by curiosity, complete strangers or 
> acquaintances abruptly
>
> demand personal information in a way they would ordinarily consider 
> unthinkable.
>
> How did disability strike? Was it accident or disease? And how do you 
> function in
>
> such a state?
>
> I'm not talking about the constructive curiosity that helps us communicate 
> better
>
> with someone who has a disability. It's OK to ask how one gets the 
> wheelchair into
>
> the car, how a guide dog knows to find the door or if a deaf person is 
> able to read
>
> your lips. What's
>
> not
>
> OK is to fire intimate questions of personal history at someone you barely 
> know.
>
> Think about it. Would you ask a black person what if feels like to be 
> black? A white
>
> person if her spouse is white? Or a fat person how long he's been that 
> way?
>
> One Vietnam veteran who uses a wheelchair told me that people will 
> actually ask him
>
> if his children are biologically his own. What is it, I'd like to know, 
> about that
>
> wheelchair that gives people the idea they have permission to interrogate 
> a man about
>
> his sex life?
>
> For me, one of the most offensive inquiries is when I'm asked if my 
> husband is blind,
>
> too.
>
> What is the translation here? First, that I must have a husband because I 
> couldn't
>
> possibly take care of myself? And, next, if my husband has normal vision, 
> the interloper
>
> can feel relieved that there must be, after all, someone behind the scenes 
> to take
>
> care of me? Or, if my husband is blind or has some other disability, that 
> we are
>
> appropriately keeping to our own kind? Marrying within the ranks?
>
> Does this sound angry? Well, maybe just exasperated, but here's the 
> reality: People
>
> with disabilities can sometimes
>
> be
>
> angry. They can also feel humiliation, amusement, rage and pain, just as 
> their nondisabled
>
> peers do.
>
> People with disabilities come in all racial, sexual and economic packages, 
> and they
>
> have good days and bad ones.
>
> For most of us, though, a time arrives when the disability itself takes a 
> decided
>
> back seat to life. The nuts and bolts of living take priority over 
> specific limitations.
>
> Don't get me wrong: It's not that we forget that we can't see or run or 
> speak quite
>
> the same as others. You never forget entirely - because disability, like 
> any personal
>
> trait, is a factor that, when you have it, becomes integrated into your 
> total personality.
>
> But once the adaptations have been learned and the
>
> abilities discovered, disability generally loses its center-stage status.
>
> People with disabilities, just like people without them, spend emotion and 
> energy
>
> in three basic areas: our work, our play and our relationships with 
> others. Remember
>
> that the next time you meet someone with a disability - and, if the urge 
> still washes
>
> over you to ask how they "got that way," ask yourself instead how you got 
> to be so
>
> rude and find a more sociable approach to conversation.
>
> Deborah Kendrick is a Cincinnati writer and advocate for people with 
> disabilities.
>
> dkkendrick at earthlink.net
>
>
>
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