[il-talk] Fw: [nagdu] . O-T: Blind People are Faking it.

[Deborah Kent Stein]

This appeared recently in The Onion, a satirical paper published in Madison, 
Wisconsin.  The Onion is known for its no-holds-barred humor.  Enjoy!

Debbie


 Blind People Are Faking It!
 Citizens, hear us well. Our great nation is being undermined by a secret

 society of individuals who carry deadly white truncheons and lead
 vicious attack animals in public on a daily basis. These mysterious folk
 also have a secret means of communication, while shocking new evidence
 seems to indicate that they may even possess senses superior to those of

 other humans. We're speaking, of course, of the legions of the so-called

 blind.

 Let's assume for a minute that we swallow this "blindness" hoax in the
 first place.  If these people are somehow bereft of the gift of sight,
 how does that explain the works of Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles and Ronnie

 Milsap? How could such men possibly play music if they were blind? What
 do they take us for-ignorant
 saps?
 The first issue I must point out is their very public display of armed
 might. Every individual laying claim to sightlessness carries a cudgel
 on their person at all times. These "canes," as they call them, are
 supposed to help them feel their way along. They are painted white,
 almost as if the bearer wished to remind passersby of its presence, and
 the weapon's tip is painted a chillingly suggestive red. Those who have
 studied the mysterious fighting arts of the Orient know that such sticks

 may be wielded with deadly force by those with skill.

 In a surprise attack, strategically placed squads of the "blind"
> could quickly overwhelm our police forces.  Their fearsome nature
 encompasses more than just personal weaponry. Many of the alleged blind
 also own large, vicious attack dogs for the supposed purpose of guidance

 along city streets. With one word from their scheming masters, these
 slavering "guide" dogs could become guided missiles!

 Indeed, most of these fearsome beasts are German shepherds, a species of

 killer wolf invented by twisted, Fascist dog breeders, which has somehow

 fallen into this most suspect faction of the disabled.  The most
 frightening aspect of this diabolical conspiracy by far is their ability

 to communicate with one another unbeknownst to upstanding citizens.
 Their secret code consists of a series of raised dots cunningly arranged

 into arcane shapes. Known as "Braille," this demonic alphabet has begun
 popping up in places that were doubtlessly chosen for their mundane,
 everyday outward appearance:
 elevators, building directories, automated teller machines and the like.

 This system seems rational enough, and does not attract undue attention.

 But think! If the messages on the signs changed suddenly, how would we
 know? Next year, next month, next week, maybe even tomorrow, the signs
 will change from "second
 floor" to "STRIKE NOW! STRIKE HARD!" and our nation will be thrown into
 the chaos of revolution.

 At this juncture, there is no hard evidence that the blind are planning
 such a revolution.  We hope to have such evidence very soon. But can one

 group possess such an overwhelming element of surprise and fail to use
 it to seize power? And can their goals be anything but evil?

 No, I say! I maintain that true blindness lies in failing to see the
 threat where it must obviously lie, and we must be vigilantly wary of
 the blind menace.

 Alan P., Nevada.