[nabs-l] Social Etiquette

[Carrie Gilmer]

Arielle,

 

I think your points are right on. The whole thing is complicated and broad.
Okay I said I wouldn't probably weigh in more...I hope you don't feel me an
overbearing intruder...

 

So I guess if you are thinking of just a simple fact sheet...and many just
checked off for example, okay don't know JAWS, don't know slate and stylus,
have few friends, have never traveled any where alone, don't know how to do
laundry or cook, I do use a CCTV, and I get straight A's...what will turn
them around or empower them to get the skills they really need and in the
variety that they do? Do you just want them to simply know the gaps or risks
they have or do you want more than that? What are the results you are
wanting? What will get them to go for the benchmarks and believe that they
can? I fear some could read the benchmarks-want to reach them very much-but
having no idea how, will lose motivation. Is that what you are asking?

 

 

The things I hope, and think you will, find a way to convey are that there
are generally widely accepted etiquette things which are expected and are
pretty much required for achievement of personal bests and fitting in and
they are true for everyone--and blind people are capable and do everyday
meet those expectations. I don't think you will find many teachers for
example picking their noses in front of the class no matter where they came
from or what their nasal condition-and if they do, their goes the respect of
their class, they are now the butt of jokes. While you may be able to chew
tobacco and spit it on the ground and be seen as acceptable if you are a
cowboy but not in an office is true and gives credence to locally
situational etiquette, but I think overall there is much more that is
realistically commonly true. If most blind high school students were out
from under the rock and had no problems here, our centers would not be full
of people in need of this, and it would not even be considered as a topic
for the web site, etc. Unfortunately I meet many more blind students who
have lived under a rock in social and business etiquette experiences and
opportunities than not, many more. (as well as lacking the travel and tech
and academic skills) Which is why I am so thrilled you are all doing this.

 

I hope too you give emphasis that there are things needed for the long haul.
It is one thing to get a degree, another to get the job, and another to keep
the job or earn promotions. I agree the killer of dreams is often lack of
ambition, willingness to improve, fitting in appropriately...or as you say
just not caring, lack of motivation or many times confidence. Getting early
high expectations makes things so much easier, but I hope you convey that
just because it is harder that is not an excuse after some point. That is
people must realize and learn that it isn't. Eye poking may be common among
blind people, but nail chewing and many other habits happen among all kinds
of people and yes they are difficult, but people can and do find healthy and
more socially acceptable alternatives. On the other hand, there are levels
of import, I think if some eye poking happened it would not be a defining
thing in the success or failure of someone just as sometime nail chewing is
not. So the challenge for you will be as I see it to find the most general
and important things needed socially that blind students most commonly lack
knowledge or experience in and have significant consequences in addition to
letting them know what will be expected for all to do. Also the things that
some may attribute to being okay to use blindness as an excuse for but in
reality society will judge as stereotypical and inferior.

 

I think it effective to convey the what and how and the why. For example:

 

The what: learning kurzweil

The how: resources where to learn

The why: access may only be obtained at times by scanning and getting the
text read by technology--it can be efficient...efficiency leads to...

 

The what: promptness

The how: learn time management

The why: being late has real consequences, they are...

 

I am not suggesting a format here, I liked your minimal and ideal, I hope
that you can add some suggestions on HOW to get to the ideal, and also why
indeed they should in a variety of things. I think you will be more
effective in creating real individual change if you give people knowledge of
what is expected for college and adult readiness, including business and
social etiquette in general, how they can meet those objectives (specific,
concrete things they can do), and finally as you say-why in the heck they
should-and or what the rewards or consequences will be. I also hope you
will, as I said, raise the bar to be the same as would be truly minimally
expected for a truly average high school student heading off to a university
(which would actually be the above average students intellectually and in
societal participation such as extra curricular and leadership). 

 

 A theme through out that not trying to meet the bar, due to blindness or
early low expectations, is acceptable--would be good. Especially if these
kids have had low expectations, and we can be pretty sure generally they
have, they need to know strongly that those expectations were wrong. Having
a new belief and the examples of you all as mentors--telling them they can,
goes a long way for motivation. One can read a list of minimal and ideal and
without motivation or an idea of how to get there, they may go away feeling
defeated, like "geez I am a senior and not even at the minimal", rather than
empowered.

 

I so look forward to reading your finished product!

 

 

 

Carrie Gilmer, President

National Organization of Parents of Blind Children

A Division of the National Federation of the Blind

NFB National Center: 410-659-9314

Home Phone: 763-784-8590

carrie.gilmer at gmail.com

www.nfb.org/nopbc

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