[nabs-l] O/T History 101 for Antonio

[Beth]

ROTFL!
Beth

On 11/15/08, Joe Orozco <jsorozco at gmail.com> wrote:
>  This one's for my good friend Antonio, but partake all ye who wish a little
> humor.  It has nothing to do with blindness, and for that I apologize in
> advance and promise not to post off-topic nonsense for the rest of the year.
> What follows is offensive, so if you're easily offended, read it anyway.
> It's a slight continuation of the debate we had last month about the left
> versus the right.  Enjoy it, and I'll do my best to find some equally
> amusing humor that takes up for the other side.  Next year, of course,
> because I did just promise to stop my off-topic messages.  Seriously, I hope
> you find it sarcastically amusing.
>
>
>
> Best,
>
>
>
> Joe Orozco
>
>
>
>  *History Simplified with Actual Material*
>
>
> *History 101 (Crash course)*
> *
> For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
>
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
> would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
>
> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
> and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
> beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
>
> 1. Liberals, and
> 2. Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
> while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
> they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
> the Conservative movement.
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
> sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
> movement.
>
> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
> known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
> domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
> concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
> conservatives provided.*
>
> *
> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
> jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
> wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
> done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another
> interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
> testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
> attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
> liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
> fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still
> provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline
> pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
> companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
> decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
> enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
> Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the
> Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
> nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
>
> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
> respond to the above before forwarding it.
>
> A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth
> of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
> believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.*
>
> *
> **And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self**.*
>
>
>
>
> WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE,
> ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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