[nabs-l] establishing expectations

[Arielle Silverman]

Hi Jim and all,

You raise  some important questions about how we can interact most
appropriately with members of the sighted community. While I don’t
have firsthand experience with the amount of usable vision you have, I
do have a great deal of experience using a long white cane (the “big
white stick” you mention) and I can say with confidence that using a
cane, regardless of how much vision you have, will enable your
interactions with sighted people to run much more smoothly and
gracefully. When you walk with  a white cane you can not only move
about more confidently (and not have to trail walls, etc.) but it is
clear to everyone around you that you are blind, and that for example
you might bump into a silent object that is above cane level or that
you won’t be able to follow directions given by pointing, etc. The
cane does a lot of the talking for you so you don’t have to have a
direct conversation about how you want/need to be treated. That said,
there still are some things that might have to be explained/taught
(like the best way to give directions, not dragging us around by the
arm, etc.) but those conversations can be had on an as-needed basis,
and aren’t necessary every time we meet someone new.

I also think that keeping a relaxed attitude and not worrying too much
about what the sighted think of us goes a long way toward establishing
true integration. Blindness-related accidents can be embarrassing, but
usually don’t give as bad of an impression as we often fear. Remember
that sighted people run into things, too, and that under the right
circumstances a little mishap can be funny rather than mortifying.

On a related note, it’s worth pointing out that we as blind people
usually think a lot more about blindness than the sighted people
around us do, since we live with it all the time. If we can learn to
believe that blindness isn’t a big deal and that it doesn’t
fundamentally change our interactions, the sighted people in our lives
will get that same message and blindness can become irrelevant in a
lot of situations. I recently started going out with a sighted guy for
the first time in my life, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised to
discover that, other than the fact that we can drive places rather
than taking cabs or the bus, my relationship with him really isn’t any
different than the relationships I’ve had with blind guys in the past.
Obviously this speaks to the fact that he has a positive philosophy
about blindness in order to be interested in dating me, but it also
indicates that I’ve been able to let it go and not give much thought
to blindness in our interactions. Same goes for my colleagues,
teachers and students in grad school—as long as I can pull my weight
and live up to my responsibilities, blindness plays only a minor role
in my interactions with those people as well.

I’ll add that I haven’t always felt this integrated in the sighted
world and I still regularly have times when I feel like the odd blind
outsider. But, learning from other blind people in the NFB and
perfecting my use of blindness skills and techniques has definitely
enabled me to have these kinds of relationships with sighted folks. By
using a long cane routinely, we can get from place to place in a way
that draws minimal unwanted attention and that enables us to be as
independent as the people around us.

Cheers
Arielle


On 5/2/09, Jim Reed <jim275_2 at yahoo.com> wrote:
> Hello all,
>
> First, Sorry about the subject title; I'm not really sure how to classify
> this question.
>
> Here goes:
> When you meet a new person (either in your personal or proffessional life),
> and you expect to have multiple encounters/interactions with this person,
> how do you approach letting this person know what to expect from you? In
> other words, to compensate for my blindness, I have developed certian
> behavioral tendancies that may seem odd to the "normal" person (dragging a
> hand along the wall, and following people (rather than walking next to
> them). Also, there are the blindness-related accidents (running into
> someone, running into furniture etc).
>
> This may not be an issue for those of you carrying a big white stick, but
> for those of use who don't, I'm sure society views our behaviors as odd, or
> worse yet, as drunk. So, my question is, how do you explain these behaviors
> to a new boss, colleegue, or friend, so that they understand what is going
> on, and dont become offended, confused, or "weirded out" by your actions? Or
> do you even bother to explain at all?
>
> I generally don't bother to explain these things when I meet new people, but
> sometimes I wonder how many possible friends I have lost as a result of them
> not understanding whats going on.
>
> Thanks,
> Jim
>
> "Ignorance killed the cat; curiosity was framed."
>
>
>
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