[nabs-l] Help-Philosophy Question

Tue Apr 20 18:54:43 UTC 2010

I apologize; I didn't really answer the originial message. I only saw
the latest reply. So, now I'll answer that.

I had a situation about four months ago that was similar. I was
getting into a taxi with my straight cane (it was one of the good days
that I could use it, and had a friend on standby), and the driver said
"Those canes keep ruining my roof. I'll put it in the back for you
(meaning behind the seats in the van)." I said, "I am careful with my
cane; it will not touch the roof. I have to keep my cane nearby." She
reached for my cane and we actually had a momentary struggle over it,
as I stood my ground and would not let go of the cane. I did not yell,
curse, or any such. I did not get obnoxious. I simply stood there
holding my cane, refusing to let it go. Her only options were to stand
there and try to take it away, let me keep it and let me get in, or
let me keep it and drive away. We all know what would have happened if
she drove away (this being a taxi in the paratransit program)...she
would have had hell to pay. And if she had continued to try to take
it, I would have continued to stand there and grip it tight, and my
friend would have helped if need be. I acted like the cane was glued
to my hand. So, she finally gave up, said "Fine!" and got in the
driver's seat and waited for me to get in. I'll tell you, though, I
was *extra* careful to store the cane without even touching the roof
of the van, and she seemed to relax as she saw this (Of course, my
cane is pretty short, as I am 5 foot 3. So, for someone in an airport,
I would suggest simply holding on tight to the cane and refuse to
retreat or give up the cane. Eventually, they will give in and allow
you the cane. Of course, I have a lot of patience and stubbornness, so
I can do this...I don't know if others would be willing to do it.

~Jewel

On 4/20/10, Jewel S. <herekittykat2 at gmail.com> wrote:
> I have two cents to add to the thoughts about conforming and such...
>
> I often worry about taking help that is offered because I'm blind, but
> that I need because of another disability. For example, I don't need a
> sighted guide to keep up with a nurse at the doctor's office or follow
> a campus tour, but I often take the assistance of a friend to walk
> because of my balance problems. Walking on a friend's arm (or my
> boyfriend's, usually) allows me to keep my balance better, and if I
> *do* lose my balance, s/he can catch me. I make sure to still use my
> cane and make it obvious that he is *not* leading me, and sometimes we
> make a point for him to take my arm and me lead him (he has more
> vision) with the cane, because him holding my arm, while not as good
> as me holding his, still helps my balance, as he can catch me if I
> stumble, and I can lean on him as needed. But I do worry that people
> will see me getting assistance from my boyfriend or someone else (or
> accepting a stranger's arm if I'm alone) and think that I can't walk
> on my own because I'm blind and/or that all blind people need to be
> walked on the person's arm. I also hold a person's arm different than
> I would a sighted guide, with my hand around their elbow, because that
> is more sturdy, and I worry that peple will think that everyone does
> it that way, and not know how to do sighted guide right. I also do
> walking behind the person different, holding their arm more than I
> would a sighted guide, but it means that they are not doing their arm
> the right way for sighted guide, because I keep my cane out to look
> for obstacles.
>
> Another worry I have is that people will take my use of a folding cane
> as a sign that I am against straight canes. I'm not. I have a straight
> cane, in fact, that I use on the days when I know I will not have to
> worry about losing my balance. I *am* against telescopic canes,
> because they just suck, and always get stuck, but that's just personal
> preference. But I use a folding cane much of the time. The reason I do
> is that I use an aluminum folding cane. Aluminum is stronger than
> graphite or fibreglass, so if I am walking alone and lose my balance
> and fall forward on my white cane, my aluminum cane will not break
> under me and send me to the ground. However, I have had a fibreglass
> straight cane break under my weight when I stumbled and it sent me
> sprawling on my hands and knees. Luckily, all I got was scraps on my
> hands and kness and a big bone bruise on one knee, but I would not
> want to re-experience that, especially as a fibreglass shard could end
> up in my hand or leg. I plan on getting a guide dog within the year,
> but in the meantime, I use an aluminum folding cane or a strong
> graphite cane.
>
> The last concern I have is that because it is so hard for me to walk a
> lot or even stand for long, I take advantage of people's offers to get
> things for me, seat me first, and sit up close. I take advantage of
> these accommodations for my mobility issues, not for my blindness, but
> I worry that people will assume that because I need the assistance,
> all blind ppeople need it, because you know how they tend to assume
> that we're all alike *eyeroll*
>
> I know that my blindness is only a physical nuisance. It does not
> limit me anymore (it did when I first went blind, but I have learned
> much since then). But I have other limitations that keep me from doing
> things. As that disability is an invisible one and the blindness is
> obvious, people often assume that I am slow, clumsy, awkward, and need
> assistance because I am blind. I try to explain when I have the time,
> but I don't always have the time.
>
> Does anyone have suggestions on how I can show people that blindness
> is not limiting me and help them understand that blindness is not
> limiting if you have the training and tools, but that my other
> disability does limit me, but not necessarily others? I have done a
> few things, such as cooking homemade candies to bring to my support
> group for adult survivors of childhood abuse, to show them what I
> *can* do because  they were treating me like I would break. One guy
> asked who made them, and when I said I did, he said "But aren't you
> blind? How do you cook?" And I told him that "it's easy; I listen for
> the boiling and roll the candy in the sugar with my fingers. It
> doesn't take sight to cook. I cook without looking." And I think I
> gained a bit of respect from the group that way. But I stil l need
> someone's help to get to a chair (not to find it, but to walk there),
> and I still don't get up during break to get a snack because it hurts
> to walk a lot after sitting for awhile, so I ask a friend in the group
> to grab an extra snack for me.
>
> My two cents,
> Jewel
>
> On 4/20/10, Darian Smith <dsmithnfb at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hello all,
>>   My feeling on the matter is that we can generally do better by
>> handeling things in a less confrentational manner when possible.
>> While  this is easier said than done,  I think it's worth taking  a
>> second (if possible depending on the situation)  and  try to  look at
>> what you need or  would like to get out of the situation you are in.
>>   I find it difficult to balance the  short-term solution and
>> long-term results of that  dicision made (example:if someone takes
>> one's cane on an airplane or  even in a differennt situation such as
>> somebody insisting  in helping  you across the street).
>>  Sometimes i have to ask myself, when do I make a dicision for the
>> good of other blind people, or for my  own good? Should I  take my
>> long cane  because  it somehow  better models  my comfort in blindness
>> to other people?    or should I take a telescoping cane because it's
>> easier to carry  and it  still conforms to  what is  an NFB cane?  Or,
>> do I use a folding cane because I'm feeling like it's  less likely  to
>> get broken of someone steps on it while  traveling?   The question
>> that I think is worth asking is- is there a "model positive image of
>> blindness"?  In much the same way that people tend to  look for the
>> ideal image of  gender or ethnicity, is there such an Ideal  for the
>> blind?
>>    if so, is that what we all  must conform to?   or is there a such a
>> thing as conformity in the blind community and in this case, the
>> Federation community/family?
>>   Best,
>>   Darian
>>
>>
>> On 4/20/10, Briley Pollard <brileyp at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Good morning,
>>>
>>> I wasn't there, so I can't speak to how your friend handled the
>>> situation.
>>> The fact of the matter is though that allowing airline personel to take
>>> our
>>> mobility aids awe frm us is, A, illegal, and B, degrading. It also sets
>>> a
>>> bad precedent for blind people that may be traveling with them in the
>>> future. That said, it is of course better to use a calm professional
>>> tone
>>> when dealing with this kind of situation. There is a quiet way to insist
>>> that our rights as blind people be respected. Also explaining the why's
>>> of
>>> a
>>> certain ideal often help. This wasn't a situation where your friend
>>> should've just "let it go" for the sake of peace, but perhaps she
>>> could've
>>> handled it in a calmer way.
>>>
>>> The Throw the Nickel principal applies more to accepting help I think
>>> than
>>> having our rights ignored. In that situation, it was better to accept
>>> the
>>> kindness of a stranger than to make a fuss. This has to do with the
>>> airplane
>>> rights of a lot of people, and while we should always be calm and
>>> professional, but sometimes confrontation is required to bring about
>>> change.
>>>
>>> Just my 10 cents.
>>>
>>> BrileyOn Apr 19, 2010, at 10:34 PM, Candice Chapman wrote:
>>>
>>>>
>>>> Dear NABS members,
>>>>
>>>> I recentally was in a situation where my NFB philosophy was put to the
>>>> test. I was travelling with a friend who is totally blind by airplane
>>>> and
>>>> we got into a confrontational situation with the flight attendant. She
>>>> insisted upon taking my friend's straight cane, but didn't have a
>>>> problem
>>>> with mine since it was teloscopic. Perhaps she assumed that storing the
>>>> straight cane would be a hazard. My friend proceeded to have a loud,
>>>> obnoxious verbal confrontation, that resulted in hold up of traffic and
>>>> embarrassment on my part. Eventually the conflict, due to time
>>>> constraint,
>>>> my friend was finally mollified and allowed to keep her cane. However I
>>>> can't help but wonder if there was a more diplomatic way to handle the
>>>> situation. It brings to mind an article by Dr. Kenneth Jernigan,
>>>> perhaps
>>>> you guys know it, it's in The Master, The Mission, The Movement. The
>>>> article is titled, "Don't Throw the Nickel."
>>>>
>>>> How do you think the confrontation could have been handled more
>>>> delicately? In the above article Dr.Jernigan referenced many situations
>>>> in
>>>> which you could choose your battle. Perhaps it's true that you can make
>>>> a
>>>> situation worse by escalating a said situation with a sighted person,
>>>> rather than taking the high road. What are your thoughts on the art of
>>>> negotiationg NFB philosophy? What might you suggest as potential
>>>> alternatives to the above confrontation? I would like to hear all of
>>>> your
>>>> thoughts on the importance of our philosophy in the lives of blind
>>>> people.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Best,
>>>> Candice Chapman
>>>>
>>>> P.S. The Article is attached for your convience. 		 	   		
>>>> _________________________________________________________________
>>>> The New Busy is not the old busy. Search, chat and e-mail from your
>>>> inbox.
>>>> http://www.windowslive.com/campaign/thenewbusy?ocid=PID28326::T:WLMTAGL:ON:WL:en-US:WM_HMP:042010_3<Don't
>>>> Throw The Nickel.doc>_______________________________________________
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>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> Darian Smith
>> Skype: The_Blind_Truth
>> Windows Live: Lightningrod2010 at live.com
>> The National Federation of the Blind has launched a nationwide teacher
>> recruitment campaign to help attract energetic and passionate
>> individuals into the field of blindness education, and we need your
>> help!   To Get Involved  go to:
>> www.TeachBlindStudents.org
>>
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