[nabs-l] New THOUGHT PROVOKER #153- My Sister's Keeper

[Jedi]

My feathers aren't ruffled. I'm glad you brought some of these issues 
up because yes, it is our responsibility to make our needs felt and our 
voioices heard.

To add to what you're saying, I think it's also important for us to 
understand that we don't have to fall in line with people's good 
charity just to make them feel more comfortable. It's okay to say "Hey, 
i'm doing okay but thinks for your concern." Or, sometimes, it's 
important to say "I don't like it when people grab me. I'd rather take 
your arm/follow you/be left alone (whatever your preference)."

I think it's hard for us sometimes because we're trying to do the best 
we can in a really awkward situation whether it's a sighted person 
trying to protect us, a sighted person trying to escort us, a sighted 
person thinking they would understand us better if they had our 
ophthalmological history in their hot little hands. We're trying to 
balance doing right by them, doing right by ourselves, meeting 
expectations of courtesy set by both the blind and sighted communities, 
and do it all while keeping our cool in a very short span of time. It's 
stressful, and i don't think we often give recognition to how stressful 
that can be, especially when we're expected by both the blind and 
sighted to make the perfect impression and do it as often as possible.

One of the things I've had to learn this last quarter is that trying to 
be an ambassador for the blind community 24/7 will burn you out. There 
is something to be said for setting the best impression possible 
because, unfortunately, minorities are judged on the actions of one. On 
the other hand, trying to get it right all the time will burn you out 
and it can feel dehumanizing sometimes. I think it's okay to recognize 
that and set a balance that's right for each of us individually. For 
me, setting that balance means letting sighted people know when I'm not 
interested in educating them, letting them know that I'd rather keep 
medical information private until we get to know each other, and 
letting them know that I understand where they're coming from but would 
rather have the agency over my own self to do what I need done which 
includes deciding when I need help, from whom, and how.

so while Robert's thought provoker doesn't address these issues 
directly, I think that the bullying experience is just one example of 
the interactions we have with the sighted on a regular basis. What's 
tough is trying to educate the sighted when they figure they know more 
about life as a blind person than you do. That's another issue that 
might be worth tackling on list if anyone wants a go.

Respectfully,
Jedi


Original message:
> My thoughts here might ruffle some feathers, but in that thought provoker, I
> personally think everyone was a bit out of line. J.C. for deciding that he's
> his sister's bodyguard (though most brothers have that in them if they're
> close with their sisters, blind or not), the punk for playing the prank in
> the first place, Rhoda's friend with the guide dog for also deciding it's
> her business to get involved in something that is purely between Rhoda and
> her brother, and finally, Rhoda for not speaking up for herself at all
> throughout the whole thing and just passively going along with what her
> brother was doing.

> I think that when it comes to being treated and respected as capable
> individuals who can handle ourselves, the burdon is on us as much as (if not
> more than) it is on the sighted would-be bodyguards trying to "protect" us.
> If we're just going to be passive and go-with-the-flow the way society seems
> to expect us to be, then a) no one is going to see us as capable of standing
> up for ourselves, and b) no one is going to realize that we even want to
> stand up for ourselves because we aren't even standing up to them! I think
> that in order to show others that we can handle ourselves in bullying (and
> other) situations, we need to demonstrate our competence, confidence, and
> willingness to speak up for ourselves and be heard. We can't be door mats to
> be walked on.

> At the same time, though, there's a fine line to tow between being confident
> and being an arrogant jerk. If someone is trying to go out of their way to
> help you out, tell them what you *really* think about it and what you'd
> rather they do, but let the know at least that you understand why they feel
> the need to help and that they're not trying to be in the way.

> On Tue, Jan 26, 2010 at 7:48 PM, Robert Leslie Newman <newmanrl at cox.net>wrote:

>> NABS Listers
>> RE: My Sister's Keeper



>> THOUGHT PROVOKER #153 is by a guest author. The issue is, how does a blind
>> person deal with a sighted person that feels you, the blind person is
>> needing protection and can't handle a bully? If you have not read the
>> PROVOKER, it follows.  Recall that I collect responses and post them upon
>> my
>> web site for all the WWW to read and learn from and that URL is-
>> Http://thoughtprovoker.info  If you wish to receive THOUGHT PROVOKERS sent
>> directly to you, just write me and ask, at-  newmanrl at cox.net







>> THOUGHT PROVOKER 153

>> MY SISTER'S KEEPER



>> By Guest Author

>> David Lafleche



>>  Vito stopped when he noticed J.C. sitting at a desk near the stairwell.
>> "Hey, J.C.! Everybody's getting together for a pickup game at the ballpark.
>> Wanna come?"

>>  "No time," J.C. answered. "I need to stay here."

>>  "Hall Monitor?" Vito wondered. "What's up with that?"

>>  "You know the rumors," J.C. explained. "Some girls have complained about
>> guys hanging out too close to their locker room, fooling around. And right
>> now, Rhoda is in there with her friend Mandy. They can't see if some guy is
>> looking for trouble, so I'm pretty much on guard duty."

>>  "What, they can't spare a girl to do that?"

>>  "No, they're too busy. Besides, that's my sister in there, and I want to
>> make sure nobody hits up on her."

>>  Just then, Rhoda and Mandy came out of the locker room. Mandy had her dog,
>> Beartrap. Rhoda had her cane. But neither of them could have been prepared
>> for what happened next. As the girls entered the corridor, a string, unseen
>> to anyone, shot across. Having no time to react, Rhoda tripped over it,
>> sprawling on the floor. She was sore, but unharmed. Mandy and Beartrap
>> reacted angrily. Rhoda was confused. "What in the world was that?!" she
>> asked.

>>  Beartrap barked loudly, and pawed at a nearby door, apparently the source
>> of the string. "I'll tell you what it was!" J.C. growled as he opened the
>> door. "It was HIM!"

>>  Brian, a teammate of his on the baseball team, had been in the janitor's
>> closet, waiting for the right moment for his prank. J.C. grabbed him by the
>> collar, slamming him into the wall.

>>  "What do you think you're doing, you punk!" he shouted. "I knew you were
>> behind all those pranks, and now I've got proof!"

>>  "Oh, come on, J.C., lighten up!" Brian pleaded lamely. "I was just having
>> a
>> little fun!"

>>  "You call that 'fun'? You could have killed her!"

>>  "Ah, she'll get over it. But I suppose this means I'm suspended from the
>> baseball team?"

>>  "Oh, more than you bargained for, punk! I'm going downtown and pressing
>> assault charges! I'll need you there, Rhoda. Mandy, do you want to come?"

>>  "I guess so," Rhoda replied. "But it will have to wait till school's
>> over."

>>  "Dude, aren't you being a little harsh?" Vito asked.

>>  "No way," J.C. insisted. "To pull a stunt like that on a blind person,
>> especially my own sister, is the lowest of the low. This punk needs to get
>> the message."

>>  Surprisingly, Mandy also took exception to this, though for her own
>> reasons. "Excuse me, Mister Laval, O hero of the defenseless! Who asked
>> you?
>> Rhoda doesn't need your help! She can fight her own battles! Tell him,
>> Rhoda!"


>> Robert Leslie Newman
>> Author of THOUGHT PROVOKER
>> http://www.thoughtprovoker.info
>> Thought Is The First Step To Beyond




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