[nabs-l] The Blind Bubble

Thu Feb 10 17:03:12 UTC 2011

Dear all,
 I absolutely agree with pretty much everything that's been posted
here, so far.  Blindness shouldn't really be a factor in deciding who
you're going to marry, which is why I'm _probably_ not going to marry
a blind person.  Most of my friends are sighted, most of the people I
work with are sighted, and, because of that, odds are it'll be a
sighted person I eventually marry.  Let's say I fall in love with a
girl who happens to be blind...assuming she's a competent homemaker,
and assuming I have the skills to get a good job, and assuming we both
can travel independently where we need to go...great.  But because my
"dating pool" is almost totally sighted...that's probably not going to
happen.  If blindness is only a characteristic, it shouldn't matter.
Yet I know so many (who I respect a great deal), who make blindness
and blind issues their livelyhoods.  I know we need good professionals
in the blindness field, I know we have to fight for
accessibility...but there are other fights and other causes much more
important to me.  I admire people who devote their time and energy to
advocating for other blind people, I hope to do a good bit of it
myself...but I hope to do much, much more.  And so many people in the
Federation, from what I've seen, focus so much on blindness and it
makes me think "wait a minute.  Isn't this only supposed to be a
characteristic?  A minor inconvenience?"  I don't want to devote such
a disproportionate amount of my energy and ability to a
nuisence...but, that's just me.
 All the best,
Kirt

On 2/10/11, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
> I am dating my bf because he's sweet, not because he's blind.
> HE's from Africa though, and sometimes it frustrates me what
> African people think of blind people.  African blind men marry
> sighted women to take care of them.  My bf could've married a
> Somali college student, but I feel that would've been wrong.
> That was a trial by fire, and we're still together.  Someday, we
> will probably marry, but not because of blindness, but becausee
> he's sweet and I'm weet and we're in what Marsha stated as "good
> old-fashioned love."
> Beth
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Marsha Drenth" <marsha.drenth at gmail.com
> To: <jsorozco at gmail.com>,"'National Association of Blind Students
> mailing list'" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Thu, 10 Feb 2011 10:16:29 -0500
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] The Blind Bubble
> 
> On the subject of relationships. I was once married to a sighted
> man, who
> wanted me to see. Yes it was great having a person who could
> drive me, who
> could read things, and so on. But he did not understand my
> blindness, nor
> even cared to. He did not want a blind wife. And in the long run
> my
> blindness was used against me when it came to my children. Now
> with that
> said, I am married to a blind person. Yes transportation is a bit
> more
> challenging, yes reading things is challenging, but certainly
> those things
> are not doable in some way. My husband now does not want to fix
> me; he is
> okay with my blindness just as much as I am. And we get a kick
> out of making
> jokes about funny things in our life when it comes to not seeing.
> My husband
> was also previously married to a sighted person. So in that
> sense, we
> understand the struggles that go along with being married to a
> sighted
> person. Neither of us married each other because we were in the
> NFB, or
> because he was blind, or because I knew he would understand me
> better. We
> married because we fell in good old fashion love. Yes we met at
> the 2009
> Youth Slam. And certainly I am not suggesting that people attend
> Youth Slam
> to meet there future spouses, boyfriends or girlfriends. The
> seriousness of
> it, when I attended Youth Slam, I was so done with men. But there
> he was.
> Yes looking at how as a blind person, how he dealt with things,
> how
> independent he was, yes those were all factors, as if he did not
> deal with
> his blindness well. I would have never chosen to move the
> relationship
> forward. We did not marry because we thought society would think
> it was
> cute, or that it is expected of us. And I like to think that God
> had
> something to do with it, but that is my personal opinion.
> 
> But no one should marry another blind person just on the bases of
> understanding, or that you're in the same ORG, or your both guide
> dog users,
> or because society thinks it is expected of blind people to marry
> blind
> people. No one should marry a sighted person, just because of the
> transportation thing, or the fact that reading things is easier.
> You should
> marry and be happy with someone who makes you happy, who will
> treat you
> well, who loves you for you, and who does not want to change you.
> 
> So both my husband and I, just happen to be blind, so what! So
> what blind
> people marry sighted people. My point, not so eloquently stated,
> marry,
> date, girlfriend or boyfriend someone for them, not for what they
> have or do
> not have, but who they are.
> 
> Marsha
> 
> 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org
> [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Joe Orozco
> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 9:37 AM
> To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'
> Subject: [nabs-l] The Blind Bubble
> 
> Hello,
> 
> Over the past few days I've noticed various statements of how
> blind people
> want to ensure they are not forced to mingle with or wind up
> married to
> other blind people.  What each person does or prefers is of
> course up to the
> individual, but I'd like to caution us against projecting some of
> the very
> same stereotypes we have been fighting for years amongst
> ourselves.
> 
> In the case of training programs, I think it is only logical for
> people to
> get to know their fellow students.  This does not mean people
> should be tied
> at the hip after hours, but I would think part of the experience
> is to take
> what you have learned during class hours and use it out there,
> where it
> really counts.  Part of my confidence in different areas is owed
> to a
> heavy-handed mother and great teachers, but more of it came from
> observing
> other blind people at conventions and legislative seminars.
> Something as
> simple as observing a blind person get up from a table at a food
> court and
> head off for a refill on their drink was pretty inspirational for
> me in high
> school and played a key role in my personal development later in
> college.
> Class will only teach you so much, and the friendships you are
> likely to
> develop during this phase in your life have a pretty good chance
> of
> following you for the long-term.
> 
> Now, if you come across someone who only wants to talk about JAWS
> or Apple
> or the never-ending debate of NFB versus ACB, you may have a
> point about
> running the other way.  Or, you could think of it as a teaching
> opportunity.
> Training should not just be about what you can take away, but
> also, what you
> can give back.  You just might be the person who can help out
> this sheltered
> individual.
> 
> The point about relationships is trickier to make in a diplomatic
> fashion.
> At the risk of offending people, I think the fear of dating
> and/or marrying
> another blind person is at least partially owed to that person's
> own
> insecurities.  I believe their views might shift after they
> themselves feel
> more confident about themselves.  I don't want to say that things
> are easy
> when both partners are blind.  I don't want to belittle the
> conveniences
> from such things like the sighted person being able to drive
> their blind
> spouse, but I also do not want us to create artificial barriers
> for
> ourselves, because the presence or absence of blindness is not
> what's going
> to make a relationship work.
> 
> All of this having been said, there are aspects of the blindness
> bubble that
> do trouble me.  This is only a theory, and I welcome education if
> my views
> are sorely mistaken.
> 
> I think it is very easy for advocates and teachers to become
> complacent with
> their landscape to the point that their views become a bit
> limited.  Working
> in the field of blindness is a tiring exercise, and when this is
> all you do,
> I believe there is the potential to create a false sense of
> confidence.  I'm
> not going to make a clear point without concrete examples, and
> again, at the
> unfortunate risk of offending still more people, I think in some
> ways it is
> almost counterproductive to work at NFB training centers and even
> our
> National Center in Baltimore.  The reason for this is that even
> though the
> students and skill sets change, the method does not.  You become
> an expert
> at what you do and expect your students or your membership to
> just learn it,
> use it, and succeed at it.  For instance, it is easy for a
> training center
> instructor to expect a student to become confident in the
> hypothetical span
> of nine months, and during those nine months the student may very
> well
> become confident in that learning environment.  But, the learning
> environment will be significantly different when the person
> returns to the
> real world where there are no other blind people or instructors
> to keep the
> momentum going.  Also, it is easy to impress upon an affiliate or
> chapter to
> just get out there and recruit more members and cultivate more
> partnerships,
> but neither of these things are straightforward, even among
> sighted
> organizations.  This is why in my company I over emphasize the
> need to work
> collaboratively with people and organizations in the community to
> create an
> all-inclusive environment.
> 
> I am not suggesting that the blindness field is wasted.  I am
> also not
> suggesting that people who work in the blindness field are
> selling
> themselves short.  On the contrary, I respect their courage to
> fight what to
> me seems an overwhelming battle.  It is imperative that we
> attract great
> professionals to help create a good foundation, but the longer
> you work at
> something, the higher your expectations become.  Sometimes, I
> think there is
> an unintentional risk of these expectations being so high that it
> just turns
> people off, because these high standards are good within the
> blindness field
> but are a little less sturdy in the context of the general
> public.  Just as
> professors sometimes take sabbaticals, I hope there are
> opportunities for
> blind professionals to get out there for a little while and
> refresh their
> understanding of the environment in which their charges are
> living.
> 
> Anyway, I hope this made sense and that it is not taken in a
> negative tone.
> As long as we're talking about training philosophies, I hope that
> we can
> examine the responsibilities of the student as much as the
> professionals.
> 
> Best,
> 
> Joe
> 
> "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their
> sleeves,
> some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam
> Ewing
> 
> 
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
> for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/marsha.dr
> enth%40gmai
> l.com
> 
> 
> __________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of
> virus signature
> database 5861 (20110210) __________
> 
> The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
> 
> http://www.eset.com
> 
> 
> 
> __________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of
> virus signature
> database 5862 (20110210) __________
> 
> The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
> 
> http://www.eset.com
> 
> 
> 
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
> for nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/thebluesi
> sloose%40gmail.com
> 
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gmail.com
> 

_______________________________________________
nabs-l mailing list
nabs-l at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for nabs-l:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/aaatlantic%40aol.com