[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 15:25:30 UTC 2011

First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a blind 
person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent 
traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To be 
honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind. It's 
who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?


> So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>
> Mike Freeman
> sent from my iPhone
>
>
> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> 
> wrote:
>
>> That's exactly the problem!
>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
>> trained at LWSB.
>> It's crazy!
>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>> I like to travel to churches.
>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a blind 
>> one.
>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>> Blessings, Joshua
>>
>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is totally
>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you from 
>>> my
>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a 
>>> very
>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh in 
>>> much
>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that 
>>> people
>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd 
>>> known
>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate that 
>>> they
>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their 
>>> fault,
>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and 
>>> teacher
>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's another 
>>> topic
>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had 
>>> talked
>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my own
>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend time 
>>> with
>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do, one 
>>> way
>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was only a
>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he 
>>> approached
>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5 years 
>>> now,
>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some 
>>> degree
>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the 
>>> one".
>>>
>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a 
>>> completely
>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I might 
>>> as
>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I 
>>> really
>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to her. I
>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick me 
>>> up or
>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere (which 
>>> often
>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired from
>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available, 
>>> she
>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well. 
>>> She,
>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it 
>>> when I
>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was 
>>> just
>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do with 
>>> my
>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is currently 
>>> in a
>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly blindness 
>>> was
>>> not a turn-off to her.
>>>
>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a big
>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any 
>>> significant
>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as 
>>> such.
>>>
>>> Best,
>>>
>>> -Jamie
>>>
>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>>>
>>>> Homberto,
>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand, after
>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a lot,
>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have the
>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each other,
>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term relationship,
>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>>> happy.
>>>> Take care,
>>>> Kirt
>>>>
>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> 
>>>> wrote:
>>>>> Humberto,
>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can do
>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>>> attracted
>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
>>>>> feels
>>>>> right.
>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: Humberto
>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>
>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>>>
>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>>> concerned.
>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>>> touch.
>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>>> with one or not.
>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>>>
>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>
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