[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 15:46:47 UTC 2011

Wouldn't it be easier, and less limiting in terms of who can be a potential
partner, to try to learn these skills? I was a bit worried about this as
well when I started a relationship with a blind person, but five years in,
no one *has* to drive us anywhere. It was just a matter of learning the
skills and practicing, and actually, being together helped us a lot with
that. We always had someone to lean on for support and encouragement, and to
"compare notes" with when we were trying to figure out a new skill. We still
have a lot to learn, but no more than any college student living on their
own for the first time. Just saying that sometimes a blind partner can be
really good in terms of offering support and helping you become independent.
My boyfriend knew a lot more than I did about travel, computers, and so on
in the beginning, and has showed me a lot, and now I help him with things
like learning to cook and such.

On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:38 AM, Joshua Lester <
jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:

> Yes.
> I want my wife, to be able to drive me from place to place, so my
> parents don't have to have that burden.
> That's the point!
> You win the million dollar prize!
> Blessings, Joshua
>
> On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
> > I'm not sure I understand how this would create a "double burden" on your
> > family either. If she is an independent traveler, or independent in other
> > ways as well, why should she create any burden? Why would this hinder
> your
> > independence unless you're looking for a partner who could drive you
> around
> > and such so your parents don't have to (and I don't think you are! I'm
> just
> > saying, I don't understand your point.)
> >
> > On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Hope Paulos <hope.paulos at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> >
> >> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a blind
> >> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
> >> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To be
> >> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind.
> It's
> >> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
> >> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
> >> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <
> >> nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> >> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
> >>
> >>
> >>  So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
> >>>
> >>> Mike Freeman
> >>> sent from my iPhone
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <
> jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>  That's exactly the problem!
> >>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
> >>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
> >>>> trained at LWSB.
> >>>> It's crazy!
> >>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
> >>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
> >>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
> >>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
> >>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
> >>>> I like to travel to churches.
> >>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a
> >>>> blind
> >>>> one.
> >>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
> >>>> Blessings, Joshua
> >>>>
> >>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is
> totally
> >>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you
> from
> >>>>> my
> >>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had a
> >>>>> very
> >>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh
> in
> >>>>> much
> >>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
> >>>>> people
> >>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
> >>>>> known
> >>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate
> that
> >>>>> they
> >>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not their
> >>>>> fault,
> >>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
> >>>>> teacher
> >>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's
> another
> >>>>> topic
> >>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we had
> >>>>> talked
> >>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my
> own
> >>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend
> time
> >>>>> with
> >>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do,
> >>>>> one
> >>>>> way
> >>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was
> only
> >>>>> a
> >>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
> >>>>> approached
> >>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5
> years
> >>>>> now,
> >>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have some
> >>>>> degree
> >>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the
> >>>>> one".
> >>>>>
> >>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
> >>>>> completely
> >>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I
> might
> >>>>> as
> >>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
> >>>>> really
> >>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to
> her.
> >>>>> I
> >>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick
> me
> >>>>> up or
> >>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere
> (which
> >>>>> often
> >>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired
> from
> >>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was available,
> >>>>> she
> >>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as well.
> >>>>> She,
> >>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about it
> >>>>> when I
> >>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It was
> >>>>> just
> >>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do
> >>>>> with
> >>>>> my
> >>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is
> currently
> >>>>> in a
> >>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly
> blindness
> >>>>> was
> >>>>> not a turn-off to her.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a
> >>>>> big
> >>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
> >>>>> significant
> >>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as
> >>>>> such.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Best,
> >>>>>
> >>>>> -Jamie
> >>>>>
> >>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
> >>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>  Homberto,
> >>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
> >>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand,
> after
> >>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
> >>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
> >>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
> >>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than a
> >>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
> >>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
> >>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a
> lot,
> >>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off if
> >>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
> >>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
> >>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
> >>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
> >>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and have
> >>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person you
> >>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have
> the
> >>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
> >>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each
> other,
> >>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
> >>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
> >>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
> >>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term
> relationship,
> >>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because sighted
> >>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
> >>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a blind
> >>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
> >>>>>> happy.
> >>>>>> Take care,
> >>>>>> Kirt
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
> >>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Humberto,
> >>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you can
> >>>>>>> do
> >>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> attracted
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with what
> >>>>>>> feels
> >>>>>>> right.
> >>>>>>> Ashley
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
> >>>>>>> From: Humberto
> >>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
> >>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> >>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
> >>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
> >>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
> >>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
> >>>>>>> concerned.
> >>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
> >>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
> >>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
> >>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
> >>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
> >>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
> >>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
> >>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
> >>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
> >>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
> >>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
> >>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
> >>>>>>> touch.
> >>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
> >>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
> >>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
> >>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
> >>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
> >>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
> >>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
> >>>>>>> and having high expectations.
> >>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
> >>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
> >>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
> >>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
> >>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
> >>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
> >>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
> >>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
> >>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
> >>>>>>> with one or not.
> >>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
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