[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

Fri May 27 01:43:41 UTC 2011

Hi all!

Despite my boyfriend is sighted, I don't feel I depend on him. We live
very far from each other, but if we're going to meet somewhere, we
just establish some points of reference in order for me to arrive
easily. In addition, I'm able to get home by myself. He just accompany
to take the bus back home.

2011/5/26, Ignasi Cambra <ignasicambra at gmail.com>:
> Josh,
> Just use your cane to go from point A to point B. If you want to hire a
> driver and don't have enough money, try to find a job somewhere in town or
> something. With all due respect, you don't sound like you've been trying too
> hard...
> On May 26, 2011, at 11:52 AM, Joshua Lester wrote:
>
>> What skills?
>> How do you get from place to place?
>> I live in a small town, that doesn't have public transportation, and I
>> need to get from point A, to point B.
>> Also, another stumbling block, when it comes to dating a blind person,
>> is my allergies.
>> If the person I'm dating has a guide dog, it would have to go, because
>> I'm allergic to dogs.
>> Blessings, Joshua
>>
>> On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Wouldn't it be easier, and less limiting in terms of who can be a
>>> potential
>>> partner, to try to learn these skills? I was a bit worried about this as
>>> well when I started a relationship with a blind person, but five years
>>> in,
>>> no one *has* to drive us anywhere. It was just a matter of learning the
>>> skills and practicing, and actually, being together helped us a lot with
>>> that. We always had someone to lean on for support and encouragement, and
>>> to
>>> "compare notes" with when we were trying to figure out a new skill. We
>>> still
>>> have a lot to learn, but no more than any college student living on their
>>> own for the first time. Just saying that sometimes a blind partner can be
>>> really good in terms of offering support and helping you become
>>> independent.
>>> My boyfriend knew a lot more than I did about travel, computers, and so
>>> on
>>> in the beginning, and has showed me a lot, and now I help him with things
>>> like learning to cook and such.
>>>
>>> On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:38 AM, Joshua Lester <
>>> jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Yes.
>>>> I want my wife, to be able to drive me from place to place, so my
>>>> parents don't have to have that burden.
>>>> That's the point!
>>>> You win the million dollar prize!
>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>
>>>> On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> I'm not sure I understand how this would create a "double burden" on
>>>>> your
>>>>> family either. If she is an independent traveler, or independent in
>>>>> other
>>>>> ways as well, why should she create any burden? Why would this hinder
>>>> your
>>>>> independence unless you're looking for a partner who could drive you
>>>> around
>>>>> and such so your parents don't have to (and I don't think you are! I'm
>>>> just
>>>>> saying, I don't understand your point.)
>>>>>
>>>>> On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Hope Paulos <hope.paulos at gmail.com>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a
>>>>>> blind
>>>>>> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
>>>>>> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To
>>>>>> be
>>>>>> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind.
>>>> It's
>>>>>> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
>>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
>>>>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <
>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Mike Freeman
>>>>>>> sent from my iPhone
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <
>>>> jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> That's exactly the problem!
>>>>>>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>>>>>>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I
>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>> trained at LWSB.
>>>>>>>> It's crazy!
>>>>>>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>>>>>>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>>>>>>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>>>>>>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>>>>>>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>>>>>>>> I like to travel to churches.
>>>>>>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a
>>>>>>>> blind
>>>>>>>> one.
>>>>>>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>>>>>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is
>>>> totally
>>>>>>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you
>>>> from
>>>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had
>>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't
>>>>>>>>> weigh
>>>> in
>>>>>>>>> much
>>>>>>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
>>>>>>>>> people
>>>>>>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
>>>>>>>>> known
>>>>>>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate
>>>> that
>>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not
>>>>>>>>> their
>>>>>>>>> fault,
>>>>>>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
>>>>>>>>> teacher
>>>>>>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's
>>>> another
>>>>>>>>> topic
>>>>>>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we
>>>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>>> talked
>>>>>>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my
>>>> own
>>>>>>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend
>>>> time
>>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could
>>>>>>>>> do,
>>>>>>>>> one
>>>>>>>>> way
>>>>>>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was
>>>> only
>>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
>>>>>>>>> approached
>>>>>>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5
>>>> years
>>>>>>>>> now,
>>>>>>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have
>>>>>>>>> some
>>>>>>>>> degree
>>>>>>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found
>>>>>>>>> "the
>>>>>>>>> one".
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
>>>>>>>>> completely
>>>>>>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I
>>>> might
>>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
>>>>>>>>> really
>>>>>>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to
>>>> her.
>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick
>>>> me
>>>>>>>>> up or
>>>>>>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere
>>>> (which
>>>>>>>>> often
>>>>>>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired
>>>> from
>>>>>>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was
>>>>>>>>> available,
>>>>>>>>> she
>>>>>>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as
>>>>>>>>> well.
>>>>>>>>> She,
>>>>>>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about
>>>>>>>>> it
>>>>>>>>> when I
>>>>>>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It
>>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>>> just
>>>>>>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do
>>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is
>>>> currently
>>>>>>>>> in a
>>>>>>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly
>>>> blindness
>>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>>> not a turn-off to her.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be
>>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>>> big
>>>>>>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
>>>>>>>>> significant
>>>>>>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us
>>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>>> such.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Best,
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> -Jamie
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>>>>>>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Homberto,
>>>>>>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>>>>>>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand,
>>>> after
>>>>>>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>>>>>>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>>>>>>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>>>>>>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than
>>>>>>>>>> a
>>>>>>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>>>>>>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>>>>>>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a
>>>> lot,
>>>>>>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off
>>>>>>>>>> if
>>>>>>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>>>>>>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>>>>>>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>>>>>>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing
>>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and
>>>>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person
>>>>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have
>>>> the
>>>>>>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the
>>>>>>>>>> person
>>>>>>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each
>>>> other,
>>>>>>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>>>>>>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>>>>>>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my
>>>>>>>>>> friends
>>>>>>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term
>>>> relationship,
>>>>>>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because
>>>>>>>>>> sighted
>>>>>>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>>>>>>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a
>>>>>>>>>> blind
>>>>>>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>>>>>>>>>> happy.
>>>>>>>>>> Take care,
>>>>>>>>>> Kirt
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Humberto,
>>>>>>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you
>>>>>>>>>>> can
>>>>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>> attracted
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with
>>>>>>>>>>> what
>>>>>>>>>>> feels
>>>>>>>>>>> right.
>>>>>>>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>>>>> From: Humberto
>>>>>>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>>>>>>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>>>>>>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>>>>>>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>>>>>>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>>>>>>>>>>> concerned.
>>>>>>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>>>>>>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>>>>>>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>>>>>>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>>>>>>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>>>>>>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>>>>>>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>>>>>>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>>>>>>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>>>>>>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>>>>>>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>>>>>>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>>>>>>>>>>> touch.
>>>>>>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>>>>>>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>>>>>>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>>>>>>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>>>>>>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>>>>>>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>>>>>>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>>>>>>>>>>> and having high expectations.
>>>>>>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>>>>>>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>>>>>>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>>>>>>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>>>>>>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>>>>>>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>>>>>>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>>>>>>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>>>>>>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>>>>>>>>>>> with one or not.
>>>>>>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
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-- 
Adriana Pulido
Filóloga en Inglés y músico de la Universidad
Nacional de Colombia. Becaria Fulbright para Maestría.