[nabs-l] Blindness vs. other minority groups

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Hmmm... Perhaps the we need the equivalent of the Black Panthers? The
Blind Moles? Okay, okay, needs work! LOL

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan


Arielle,

I think you're right that speaking about blindness in such a negative 
way is no different than speaking about other minorities in this 
fashion. I think the problem is twofold. First, people honestly feel 
that they are being kind to us, but they understand on some level that 
negative comments about other minorities are not kind; most people 
don't understand how their kindness impacts us. The other problem is 
that, up to this point, we haven't spoken with a clear voice on the 
matter of how we're treated by the sighted. Yes, there are our banquet 
speeches and our public announcements, but we're pressured into 
everyday politeness by both blind and sighted persons so much that 
we're afraid to tell the sighted how their so-called kindness really 
impacts us; the end result is that the sighted have no idea how we 
really feel about their behavior and we continue to have the same old 
issues we've had forever. Other minorities have done a much better job 
of voicing their frustrations than we have on an interpersonal level. 
We've conditioned ourselves into thinking that we owe the sighted some 
form of special courtesy since we're so afraid that they're going to 
judge us all based on the reactions of one person. If you want 
evidence, consider "Don't Throw the Nickel" and "The Nature of
Independence."

Let me say now what I've personally decided to do when it comes to this 
very issue. I stressed myself out to the point of needing counseling 
over whether or not the sighted would judge all of us based on my 
actions; I stressed out because i was afraid of how the rest of you 
might judge me if you ever found out about how I handled this or that 
interaction. That's a hell of a lot of pressure! I personally 
internalized the frustrations of all of us and this obsessive need to 
educate the sighted. I felt it was my responsibility to be an 
ambassador for the blind. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I 
emotionally hurt myself and physically drained my personal resources. 
After a lot of soul-searching and some professional help, I've decided 
to abdicate my role as ambassador for the blind unless I willingly put 
myself in that position (e.g. a meet the blind month activity or 
presentation on blindness). I have also abdicated my role as the 
educator. I've decided to stop dialoguing with the sighted through 
education and I've decided to start educating through dialogue. This 
needs explaining. If a sighted person says "You do so well that I 
forget you're blind," I say (if I think it's important enough), "I feel 
stuck when I hear you say that I'm so good at X that you forget that 
I'm blind. First, I feel forced to thank you for what you perceived to 
be a compliment because, if I don't thank you, I'm the rude one here. 
But at the same time, I feel hurt that you would say something like 
that because I hear you saying that you don't expect me to do so well 
because I'm blind and so are surprised, or that you somehow think that 
I'm better than whatever image you've created of me and my blind 
friends. This isn't to say that I don't recognize your attempt at 
kindness, but I'd rather you tell me that you appreciate something I'm 
good at because I'm good at it, not because I seem to go beyond an 
expectation I perceive you've set for me." Use whatever words you like 
folks. If you're genuinely grateful for the comment, say so. If you're 
angry, say so. But for goodness sake, don't just be quiet because 
you're expected to be polite. This is a great way to stack these things 
up in your heart. And if you can't say whatever you need to say to the 
person you need to say it to, find someone to say it to like a friend 
or a colleague who understands you. Put it in an e-mail message or 
whatever you need to do. That's what other minorities have been doing 
with comments like this, and I don't understand why we've not caught on 
except that we somehow seem to think we don't deserve this kind of 
equality. And you know what, some sighted people won't get it no matter 
what you do or say. But some will, and they'll appreciate your 
heart-felt honesty a hell of a lot more than whatever platitude you
offer.

Arielle, you asked some of us to talk about our other minority statuses 
if we have them. I fit into the "unusual religious belief" category, 
and my legal name reflects that fact. Some of you may know how much 
crap I've received from some regarding my preference to be called 
"Jedi" rather than my given name "Jennifer." I learned the hard way 
that going along to get along is a terrible choice. by going along to 
get along, I felt like some part of myself wasn't being heard. And if I 
fought against the tide of people telling me what to call myself, I 
felt like my words and reasons were falling into nothingness, even by 
people who cared about me but couldn't understand how important this 
preference was to me. So finally, i decided that I need to respect 
myself, especially because i wasn't getting much from others in this 
respect. So I changed my name legally and now it's no problem. I'm sure 
some people were disappointed in me for whatever reason. But I think 
they learned to respect me more as a person because I stood up for 
myself and didn't ask their permission to be who and what I am. I think 
the sighted are the same way. Maybe dramatic demonstrations such as 
mine aren't required in every situation, but I think we need to be 
ready for those times when they are.

So in short, when you find yourself in a situation where a sighted 
person has said or done something to you, think about how that really 
makes you feel inside. And if it's important to you, make it a point to 
say whatever it is you feel you need to say. And since the rest of us 
aren't with you when you're going through this process, none of us have 
the right to judge you for whatever you do because we might have done 
the same had we been in your shoes. And if we really support each other 
and our collective bid for freedom, we shouldn't judge you anyway. Only 
you know what's right for you in how you deal with the sighted, and 
your experiences will tell you if any changes are needed to your 
approach. As to the reactions of the sighted, realize that they'll get 
over it; they're just as resilient as we are, and someone might 
actually take what you have to say to heart, I've heard it happen 
before and I've witnessed it myself. And really folks, we can't expect 
ourselves to represent all of us all of the time. We are a people's 
movement, yes. But first and foremost, we are people.

If what I say feels right to any of you, let's get in contact because 
I'm working on some workshops in which ideas like these can be further 
explored and spread to the Federationists who are interested in this 
kind of thing.

Thanks for asking the question, Arielle. It's high time someone did.

Respectfully,
Jedi