[nabs-l] Grabbing Etc.

[Arielle Silverman]

Hi all,
I don't know if any of you can relate to this, but for me, being
grabbed or pulled by the arm or back is more than just a dignity
issue; it's a safety issue as well. I have always had poor balance,
and when someone is putting pressure on one side of my body, or
propelling me from behind, I feel unsafe and unbalanced. If I were to
bump into an obstacle or trip while being pulled this way, I feel I
would have a much harder time regaining my balance. For some reason,
many sighted people think leading me this way is helpful, but in fact
it's not only unnecessary, but makes safe and efficient travel more
challenging for me. For example, I went on a white-water rafting trip
in high school and one of the river guides tried to pull me up into
the boat by my arm. I felt unbalanced and asked him to let go of my
arm and let me get into the raft by myself. The guide told me to stop
arguing with him and pulled me up into the boat. As I was getting in,
my foot slipped and I wasn't able to stabilize myself because of the
one-sided pressure on my body. I fell and bruised my leg, and was
incredibly annoyed that the guide didn't listen to me. I also feel
very unsafe when people attempt to grab my left arm because I am a
left-handed cane user and my cane arc is impaired when they do this.
The absolute worst is when someone grabs me without any verbal
communication at all, such as a bus driver who grabbed me by both
shoulders without saying a word because he thought I was going to run
into a pole that my cane had just barely cleared. Needless to say, the
silent grab scares me to death!
Because of these experiences, I have learned to dig my feet in and
will not follow someone who is grabbing or pulling me, especially if
they are holding on to my cane arm. I will politely ask them to let
go, and most people are just shocked that I don't want them to do
that, especially if I have asked them for verbal directions.
Unfortunately, many people think the only way to "help" a blind person
is through this kind of physical maneuvering. Sometimes if I ask
someone for information or directions, they will answer my question
and then say, "Do you want me to help you?" I guess implying they are
offering to physically lead me there. I will of course tell them they
have already helped me a lot with the directions and that I really
appreciate their help and don't need any more. If someone does the
silent grab, or if they refuse to let go after a polite request to do
so, then I will gently but firmly disengage my arm. Fortunately this
has been very effective. If time allows I will give a simple
explanation for not wanting to be grabbed, such as "Please don't grab
me-it makes me feel off-balance" or "Please don't grab me-it's easier
for me if you just walk beside me" etc. I do think that most people
are just very ignorant and don't necessarily grab out of pity, but
because they believe that grabbing is the most effective way to
provide guidance to the blind. I try to educate them and some
definitely do understand. I do feel guilty about times when I have
snapped at people and not had the time to explain, such as when
crossing a street or getting on a bus. But even though I feel bad, I
don't regret my action because to me, it's a matter of safety above
all else. I've also found that in some circumstances it's actually
more efficient to do things independently than to be "helped". For
instance, I went to get a pedicure a few weeks ago and the pedicurist
insisted on putting my shoes and coat back on me after the pedicure
was over. I tried to politely refuse, but she wouldn't hear it. Thing
is, for whatever reason she was very methodical in putting my shoes
on, and it took her about twice as long to do it as it would have if I
had done it myself.
Incidentally, I've never understood why some people get confused about
sighted guide and think the technique is for them to grab my elbow and
walk a step behind me. Even when I teach people the proper way, they
will occasionally "get it backwards" and want to grab my elbow
instead. Isn't it a lot harder to lead or guide someone if you're
behind them than if you're in front of them?
Best,
Arielle