[nabs-l] Grabbing and streetcrossing help

Thu Nov 10 20:50:59 UTC 2011

Sometimes, it's just easier to accept the help with a smile, even though it 
is unnecessary. It's typically faster than explaining and or arguing, 
especially when it seems as if the people who try to be the most helpful 
speak the least English.

Mark

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Patrick Molloy" <ptrck.molloy at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2011 3:34 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Grabbing and streetcrossing help

> Jedi,
> I personally find that getting frustrated really doesn't accomplish a
> whole lot. I'd much rather be firm and calm as opposed to blowing up
> at somebody when they make a simple offer. I just think it's better to
> try and reason with people than to climb onto one's soapbox. But, if
> you want to get frustrated, by all means. However, it's important to
> think of the image that this gives sighted people. There's a fine line
> between being firm and being rude, and it's important to recognize
> that. And no, I'm not "playing nice," as you put it. I'm not, however,
> going to take off someone's head just because they offered to help me
> cross a street. Quite frankly, I have more important things to worry
> about than that. I've said it before and I'll say it again: The fact
> that sighted people are asking us shows that they're thinking. Sighted
> people want to do the right thing, they just don't always know how to
> do it or what it is.
> Patrick
>
> On 11/10/11, Jedi <loneblindjedi at samobile.net> wrote:
>> It's important to
>>> remain positive and not get too frustrated when sighted people try and
>>> help us do things.
>>
>> I think it's perfectly okay to get frustrated if that's how you feel.
>> Feel free to feel negative. And since feelings are always valid,
>> there's no such thing as getting too frustrated. This is my opinion: we
>> need to stop telling ourselves how to feel and how not to feel. Just
>> saying. In the longrun, we'll do ourselves and the sighted a
>> considerable service when we communicate through our honest feelings as
>> Arielle did rather than play nice because that's what we've been taught 
>> to
>> do.
>>
>> If it helps those of you who do get frustrated, I trust you to say
>> whatever you need to say and do so in a healthful manner for both you
>> and the sighted person involved.
>>
>> And if you really don't get frustrated, great. I trust you to say
>> whatever you need to say and do so in a healthful manner for both you
>> and the sighted person involved.
>>
>> Respectfully Submitted
>>
>>
>> Original message:
>>> Arielle,
>>> Good point. How did that guy think you got the coat on in the first
>>> place? I agree with what has been said already. It's important to
>>> remain positive and not get too frustrated when sighted people try and
>>> help us do things. The more we can doe things independently, the less
>>> sighted people will ask us if we need help.
>>> Patrick
>>
>>> On 11/10/11, Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Good point Bridgit. How do people think we got to the street corner in
>>>> the first place?
>>>> It also amazes me how people try to "help" me with things like putting
>>>> on my backpack or coat, and I wonder how they think I put it on the
>>>> last time I did? Do they think someone dresses me?
>>>> I was at the gym a couple weeks ago and I put my coat in a cubby
>>>> during my workout. I was halfway through putting my coat back on when
>>>> I heard some guy come up behind me breathing hard (probably from
>>>> exercising) and without any verbal warning, I felt him tug on the side
>>>> of my coat that wasn't yet on my body. Creepy! I asked him what he was
>>>> doing and he said, "can I help you put this on?" I told him I didn't
>>>> like him grabbing my coat without any warning and suggested he ask
>>>> before offering that kind of assistance. He apologized and, again,
>>>> seemed surprised that he had done anything wrong or inappropriate.
>>>> Arielle
>>
>>>> On 11/10/11, Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> I can kind of understand how those with little to no exposure to
>>>>> blindness may be concerned and curious as to how we do something like
>>>>> cross a street, but, and this may be my naivety talking, when a person
>>>>> sees a grown person walking about on their own, does common sense not
>>>>> dictate that perhaps, while not fully understanding it, that person is
>>>>> probably okay? Maybe they can ask if we need anything, but it's a 
>>>>> little
>>>>> difficult for me to understand how we can obviously be doing things 
>>>>> with
>>>>> no help, but when a sighted person is around we suddenly need their
>>>>> help? I guess I'm still acclimating to stuff like this.
>>
>>>>> In crowded situations, I'll take sighted guide sometimes, more so, so 
>>>>> I
>>>>> don't lose whoever I'm with, but I think it helps when we do as much 
>>>>> as
>>>>> possible independently. I also suffer episodes of extremely low blood
>>>>> pressure which makes me dizzy, weak and can affect my balance. On days
>>>>> like these, depending on what I need to do, I may take more assistance
>>>>> than on good days, but I try to be as independent as possible even on
>>>>> these days, but this also is just because of my personality as much as
>>>>> it is related to blindness! Smile. While going to school, classmates
>>>>> became accustomed to me doing things and getting around without help,
>>>>> and I led the way when it came to when and if I needed assistance. 
>>>>> When
>>>>> classmates would see me around campus, they eventually stopped asking 
>>>>> if
>>>>> I needed help and would just approach me like they would anyone else.
>>>>> They let me do the asking, and instead, we were able to cultivate
>>>>> relationships.
>>
>>>>> The positive energy and confidence we put off helps as much as our
>>>>> actions. If we present ourselves in as confident of a manner as 
>>>>> possible
>>>>> in any given situation, people will pick up on this and respect us as
>>>>> people. The more we work on our confidence, the more people will take
>>>>> note, and more importantly, the better off we feel about our
>>>>> independence and capabilities.
>>
>>>>> Sincerely,
>>>>> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
>>>>> Read my blog at:
>>>>> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>>
>>>>> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
>>>>> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>>
>>>>> Message: 21
>>>>> Date: Tue, 8 Nov 2011 23:10:14 -0500
>>>>> From: Patrick Molloy <ptrck.molloy at gmail.com>
>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>      <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Grabbing etc.
>>>>> Message-ID:
>>
>>>>> <CAN+-G_CeC3zdSdX+TEE1od6936YObAZRvSXG9KXQg2eKU2Ba+g at mail.gmail.com>
>>>>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>>
>>>>> I find it quite ironic that, in trying to help us, sighted people
>>>>> often cause more of a problem with regard to street crossing. Again,
>>>>> they really do mean well, but their method of help still leaves a lot
>>>>> to be desired (if desired at all.)
>>>>> Patrick
>>
>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
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