[nabs-l] Blindness vs. other minority groups

Sat Nov 12 02:28:01 UTC 2011

Good one, Bridgit! Well, we kind of do, in the form of the 
Federation.  Lord knows people think we're militant all the time.

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com
To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Wed, 2 Nov 2011 15:40:30 -0500
Subject: [nabs-l] Blindness vs.  other minority groups

Hmmm...  Perhaps the we need the equivalent of the Black 
Panthers? The
Blind Moles? Okay, okay, needs work! LOL

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Arielle,

I think you're right that speaking about blindness in such a 
negative
way is no different than speaking about other minorities in this
fashion.  I think the problem is twofold.  First, people honestly 
feel
that they are being kind to us, but they understand on some level 
that
negative comments about other minorities are not kind; most 
people
don't understand how their kindness impacts us.  The other 
problem is
that, up to this point, we haven't spoken with a clear voice on 
the
matter of how we're treated by the sighted.  Yes, there are our 
banquet
speeches and our public announcements, but we're pressured into
everyday politeness by both blind and sighted persons so much 
that
we're afraid to tell the sighted how their so-called kindness 
really
impacts us; the end result is that the sighted have no idea how 
we
really feel about their behavior and we continue to have the same 
old
issues we've had forever.  Other minorities have done a much 
better job
of voicing their frustrations than we have on an interpersonal 
level.
We've conditioned ourselves into thinking that we owe the sighted 
some
form of special courtesy since we're so afraid that they're going 
to
judge us all based on the reactions of one person.  If you want
evidence, consider "Don't Throw the Nickel" and "The Nature of
Independence."

Let me say now what I've personally decided to do when it comes 
to this
very issue.  I stressed myself out to the point of needing 
counseling
over whether or not the sighted would judge all of us based on my
actions; I stressed out because i was afraid of how the rest of 
you
might judge me if you ever found out about how I handled this or 
that
interaction.  That's a hell of a lot of pressure! I personally
internalized the frustrations of all of us and this obsessive 
need to
educate the sighted.  I felt it was my responsibility to be an
ambassador for the blind.  I'm not kidding when I tell you that I
emotionally hurt myself and physically drained my personal 
resources.
After a lot of soul-searching and some professional help, I've 
decided
to abdicate my role as ambassador for the blind unless I 
willingly put
myself in that position (e.g.  a meet the blind month activity or
presentation on blindness).  I have also abdicated my role as the
educator.  I've decided to stop dialoguing with the sighted 
through
education and I've decided to start educating through dialogue.  
This
needs explaining.  If a sighted person says "You do so well that 
I
forget you're blind," I say (if I think it's important enough), 
"I feel
stuck when I hear you say that I'm so good at X that you forget 
that
I'm blind.  First, I feel forced to thank you for what you 
perceived to
be a compliment because, if I don't thank you, I'm the rude one 
here.
But at the same time, I feel hurt that you would say something 
like
that because I hear you saying that you don't expect me to do so 
well
because I'm blind and so are surprised, or that you somehow think 
that
I'm better than whatever image you've created of me and my blind
friends.  This isn't to say that I don't recognize your attempt 
at
kindness, but I'd rather you tell me that you appreciate 
something I'm
good at because I'm good at it, not because I seem to go beyond 
an
expectation I perceive you've set for me." Use whatever words you 
like
folks.  If you're genuinely grateful for the comment, say so.  If 
you're
angry, say so.  But for goodness sake, don't just be quiet 
because
you're expected to be polite.  This is a great way to stack these 
things
up in your heart.  And if you can't say whatever you need to say 
to the
person you need to say it to, find someone to say it to like a 
friend
or a colleague who understands you.  Put it in an e-mail message 
or
whatever you need to do.  That's what other minorities have been 
doing
with comments like this, and I don't understand why we've not 
caught on
except that we somehow seem to think we don't deserve this kind 
of
equality.  And you know what, some sighted people won't get it no 
matter
what you do or say.  But some will, and they'll appreciate your
heart-felt honesty a hell of a lot more than whatever platitude 
you
offer.

Arielle, you asked some of us to talk about our other minority 
statuses
if we have them.  I fit into the "unusual religious belief" 
category,
and my legal name reflects that fact.  Some of you may know how 
much
crap I've received from some regarding my preference to be called
"Jedi" rather than my given name "Jennifer." I learned the hard 
way
that going along to get along is a terrible choice.  by going 
along to
get along, I felt like some part of myself wasn't being heard.  
And if I
fought against the tide of people telling me what to call myself, 
I
felt like my words and reasons were falling into nothingness, 
even by
people who cared about me but couldn't understand how important 
this
preference was to me.  So finally, i decided that I need to 
respect
myself, especially because i wasn't getting much from others in 
this
respect.  So I changed my name legally and now it's no problem.  
I'm sure
some people were disappointed in me for whatever reason.  But I 
think
they learned to respect me more as a person because I stood up 
for
myself and didn't ask their permission to be who and what I am.  
I think
the sighted are the same way.  Maybe dramatic demonstrations such 
as
mine aren't required in every situation, but I think we need to 
be
ready for those times when they are.

So in short, when you find yourself in a situation where a 
sighted
person has said or done something to you, think about how that 
really
makes you feel inside.  And if it's important to you, make it a 
point to
say whatever it is you feel you need to say.  And since the rest 
of us
aren't with you when you're going through this process, none of 
us have
the right to judge you for whatever you do because we might have 
done
the same had we been in your shoes.  And if we really support 
each other
and our collective bid for freedom, we shouldn't judge you 
anyway.  Only
you know what's right for you in how you deal with the sighted, 
and
your experiences will tell you if any changes are needed to your
approach.  As to the reactions of the sighted, realize that 
they'll get
over it; they're just as resilient as we are, and someone might
actually take what you have to say to heart, I've heard it happen
before and I've witnessed it myself.  And really folks, we can't 
expect
ourselves to represent all of us all of the time.  We are a 
people's
movement, yes.  But first and foremost, we are people.

If what I say feels right to any of you, let's get in contact 
because
I'm working on some workshops in which ideas like these can be 
further
explored and spread to the Federationists who are interested in 
this
kind of thing.

Thanks for asking the question, Arielle.  It's high time someone 
did.

Respectfully,
Jedi

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