[nabs-l] Grabbing Etc.

Chris Nusbaum dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com
Wed Nov 16 01:57:56 UTC 2011 

Wow, Jewel! This gives the line in the NFB's Helping Song about 
sometimes when people help too much, "I get a helping bruise," a 
whole new meaning!

Chris

"The real problem of blindness is not the loss of eyesight.  The 
real problem is the misunderstanding and lack of education that 
exists.  If a blind person has the proper training and 
opportunity, blindness can be reduced to a mere physical 
nuisance."
-- Kenneth Jernigan (President, National Federation of the Blind, 
1968-1986

P.S.  The I C.A.N.  Foundation helps blind and visually impaired 
youth in Maryland say "I can," by empowering them through 
providing assistive technology and scholarships to camps and 
conventions which help them be equal with their sighted peers.  
For more information about the Foundation and to support our 
work, visit us online at www.icanfoundation.info!

Sent from my BrailleNote Apex

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Jewel <herekittykat2 at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Tue, 8 Nov 2011 08:36:00 -0500
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Grabbing Etc.

Add to that my situation, where touching me can sometimes shoot 
severe
pain up and down my body (I have fibromyalgia), and you have a 
recipe
for disaster.  When someone grabs me, I stop everything I'm doing 
and
say "Please don't grab me." If they don't let go, I wrench my arm 
away
or if they are touching my back (which is a super big no-no with 
me,
since my spine is super-sensitive thanks to two slipped discs 
along
with fibromyalgia), I arch my back whether it's painful or not, 
to
show them that it's not all right to touch.  I'll tell you one 
story of
when grabbing me caused a problem...

I was walking from the library and my cane was sweeping back and
forth.  Suddenly someone came over and grabbed my cane arm and 
wrenched
me sideways.  I shouted in alarm and wrenched my arm away, but my 
arc
had already been interrupted and I didn't realize that there was 
a
pole right in front of me.  This was one of those metal poles to 
hold
up a handicapped sign.  I hit it full on becaus emy cane's arc 
had been
interrupted and didn't catch the pole, and now I have a dent in 
the
upper part of my forehead from that pole.  It didn't break the 
skin,
but I can always feel the dent if I rub my forehead.  Plus it 
caused a
minor concussion.  I was soooo embarrassed by it, but realized 
later
that it wasn't my fault, that it was caused by this person 
grabbing my
cane arm.  Sheessh!

~Jewel

On 11/8/11, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
 LOL!
 My brother guides me all around Walmart, and he likes to go 
faster
 than I can go.
 He doesn't understand that I can't walk at a normal pace, 
because of a
 Syatic Nerve problem.
 Blessings, Joshua

 On 11/7/11, Sam Hogle <hogle.sam at gmail.com> wrote:
 Actually, I've had the opposite problem.  For some reason, 
guides think
 they have to go slower.  The funny thing is they think I can't 
walk at a
 normal pace, but they also think I can see the curbs we walk up 
or down.
 I will never understand people.
 On 11/7/2011 11:50 PM, Joshua Lester wrote:
 Wow!
 Arielle, you've been through it!
 That's not necessary, that they do those things!
 I've been through alot of stuff regarding this, as well.
 I've also had guides go faster than I'm accustomed to, and I've
 fallen, because they didn't go at my pace.
 I always tell people, if they guide me, that they must go at my 
pace.
 Blessings, Joshua

 On 11/7/11, Arielle Silverman<arielle71 at gmail.com>  wrote:
 Hi all,
 I don't know if any of you can relate to this, but for me, being
 grabbed or pulled by the arm or back is more than just a dignity
 issue; it's a safety issue as well.  I have always had poor 
balance,
 and when someone is putting pressure on one side of my body, or
 propelling me from behind, I feel unsafe and unbalanced.  If I 
were to
 bump into an obstacle or trip while being pulled this way, I 
feel I
 would have a much harder time regaining my balance.  For some 
reason,
 many sighted people think leading me this way is helpful, but in 
fact
 it's not only unnecessary, but makes safe and efficient travel 
more
 challenging for me.  For example, I went on a white-water 
rafting trip
 in high school and one of the river guides tried to pull me up 
into
 the boat by my arm.  I felt unbalanced and asked him to let go 
of my
 arm and let me get into the raft by myself.  The guide told me 
to stop
 arguing with him and pulled me up into the boat.  As I was 
getting in,
 my foot slipped and I wasn't able to stabilize myself because of 
the
 one-sided pressure on my body.  I fell and bruised my leg, and 
was
 incredibly annoyed that the guide didn't listen to me.  I also 
feel
 very unsafe when people attempt to grab my left arm because I am 
a
 left-handed cane user and my cane arc is impaired when they do 
this.
 The absolute worst is when someone grabs me without any verbal
 communication at all, such as a bus driver who grabbed me by 
both
 shoulders without saying a word because he thought I was going 
to run
 into a pole that my cane had just barely cleared.  Needless to 
say, the
 silent grab scares me to death!
 Because of these experiences, I have learned to dig my feet in 
and
 will not follow someone who is grabbing or pulling me, 
especially if
 they are holding on to my cane arm.  I will politely ask them to 
let
 go, and most people are just shocked that I don't want them to 
do
 that, especially if I have asked them for verbal directions.
 Unfortunately, many people think the only way to "help" a blind 
person
 is through this kind of physical maneuvering.  Sometimes if I 
ask
 someone for information or directions, they will answer my 
question
 and then say, "Do you want me to help you?" I guess implying 
they are
 offering to physically lead me there.  I will of course tell 
them they
 have already helped me a lot with the directions and that I 
really
 appreciate their help and don't need any more.  If someone does 
the
 silent grab, or if they refuse to let go after a polite request 
to do
 so, then I will gently but firmly disengage my arm.  Fortunately 
this
 has been very effective.  If time allows I will give a simple
 explanation for not wanting to be grabbed, such as "Please don't 
grab
 me-it makes me feel off-balance" or "Please don't grab me-it's 
easier
 for me if you just walk beside me" etc.  I do think that most 
people
 are just very ignorant and don't necessarily grab out of pity, 
but
 because they believe that grabbing is the most effective way to
 provide guidance to the blind.  I try to educate them and some
 definitely do understand.  I do feel guilty about times when I 
have
 snapped at people and not had the time to explain, such as when
 crossing a street or getting on a bus.  But even though I feel 
bad, I
 don't regret my action because to me, it's a matter of safety 
above
 all else.  I've also found that in some circumstances it's 
actually
 more efficient to do things independently than to be "helped".  
For
 instance, I went to get a pedicure a few weeks ago and the 
pedicurist
 insisted on putting my shoes and coat back on me after the 
pedicure
 was over.  I tried to politely refuse, but she wouldn't hear it.  
Thing
 is, for whatever reason she was very methodical in putting my 
shoes
 on, and it took her about twice as long to do it as it would 
have if I
 had done it myself.
 Incidentally, I've never understood why some people get confused 
about
 sighted guide and think the technique is for them to grab my 
elbow and
 walk a step behind me.  Even when I teach people the proper way, 
they
 will occasionally "get it backwards" and want to grab my elbow
 instead.  Isn't it a lot harder to lead or guide someone if 
you're
 behind them than if you're in front of them?
 Best,
 Arielle

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