[nabs-l] Body language and facial expressions

[Ashley Bramlett]

Bridgit,
Very well said and I don't think we're going to convince others of your 
opinion.
I like how you voice your perspective from one who was sighted. And wow, 
with your modeling, etiquette, and acting classes, I bet you're one of the 
most well mannered, well dressed people period; not for a blind person, but 
well put together overall.
You seem to have a grasp of clothes and style as well based on other posts 
I've seen.
I was never told not to look blind. But I was told not to rock because it 
looks like something a cognitively delayed/retarded person would do.
Why have people assume we have another disability when we don't? It makes us 
look worse.

We are not all the same, but overall there are some unspoken standards. For 
instance, dress is one. If you haven't been to a restaurant before, my dad 
suggests either going by in person and looking around or through the window 
to see the atmosphere. Is it cloth tablecloths, cloth napkins, fancy 
glasses? On the other side, is it no tablecloths, regular glasses, paper 
napkins? How are they dressed? In our case, we can go by and ask diners as 
they come out for such information. Another idea is my dad calls up and asks 
the dress code. Again, an example about fitting in. BTW my family is 
sighted.

Another example of comformity is in class. Haven't you noticed that some 
classes are more friendly than others? A group seems to develop its 
personality. If people are aloof, I don't talk to them much; if people act 
friendly, I try and engage them as well.

When I'm sitting down eating or waiting, people don't recognize I'm blind. I 
have glasses and my eyes look pretty normal. I also am not engaging in 
blindisms; I have a backpack on, and I'm dressed in jeans and casual shirt 
like other students. So I've been told I don't look blind. Just goes to show 
that if you behave naturally, people may not think of your blindness or 
focus on it; they focus on you as a human.

Ashley

-----Original Message----- 
From: Bridgit Pollpeter
Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 10:49 PM
To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Subject: [nabs-l] Body language and facial expressions

Um, I've heard plenty of sighted kids be told not to do certain behavior
because it's not "normal" or wrong. True, blind people often exhibit
certain behavior due to no one stepping up and helping them develop
social skills and behavior, which is a parents job. And it is the same
with sighted people. My mom is a teacher, and she says the exact same
thing about her sighted students as we're stating in this thread: it's
not to be insensitive or defamatory towards developmental disabilities,
but if you have no cognitive disability whatsoever, you don't want to
have people assume you also have some developmental issue.

I have relatives with varying levels of developmental disabilities, a
couple rather severe. Some of them engage in the rocking, eye poking,
inappropriate expressions and mannerisms, just to mention a few. This
not only goes to show that what we term Blindism isn't specific to blind
people, it also shows why others assume a person exhibiting such
behavior may have a developmental disability. I'm not arguing what's
right or wrong- I'm simply stating the current reality.

And I've heard plenty of, sighted and otherwise,  kids be told they
don't want to look like they have a developmental disability. This may
not be tactful, but I have been around plenty of sighted people who say
this to other sighted people. The term retarded is not a great way to
describe people with cognitive disabilities, but the point, usually, is
why be assumed to have an intellectual barrier if you don't have one?
Most people will already make assumptions about us as blind people; why
give them more reasons to make snap assumptions? The fact is blind
people, who are just blind, have no barriers other than the ones
society, and themselves, put in our path. People with developmental
disabilities have an actual intellectual barrier. For some, it is great
than others. My highest functioning relative with MR has a high school
comprehension level, which is pretty good. The lowest functioning
relative I have is in his early forties and has the comprehension level
of a pre-schooler. Again, whether it's right or wrong, do you wanted to
be assumed to be low-functioning? I doubt it.

And being blind isn't a culture. How can we argue that a particular
disability is a culture, or even sub-culture, when, once again, we claim
to be equal to others, we just can't see, and we live and grow up with
customs, traditions and beliefs the same as those in our environment?
Having a specific philosophy about blindness isn't the same as having a
separate culture. We live, work and interact in the world; we just do
things nonvisually.

God, I'm tired of this whole blind vs. sight issue. We have the ability
and potential to pursue whatever we want: education, employment, family,
social life. It has nothing to do with being cookie-cutter replicas of
sighted people; it's about claiming our equality and acting like normal,
functioning people regardless of disability. To say that there's nothing
wrong with certain behavior because it comes naturally to a person is
just an excuse to not change it. We are not discussing alternative skill
levels or how independent we are; we're talking about physical behavior
that's not acceptable for anyone, sighted or blind alike. If people put
a distinction on this behavior simply because of blindness, that mindset
needs to be changed, but if we just say, "Hey, that's normal to that
person, so they should be able to rock back and forth like a pendulum,
or push against their eyes no matter the setting, or stand close enough
to people that they're touching, because we just need to accept certain
behavior and not associate, or connect, it to any other issue or
disability," it sounds like an excuse to give up and not work on
yourself as an individual.

Don't give me the how people think and act around blind people. So what?
If society lumps us in with other disabilities, or fail to understand
our true abilities, so what; if we perpetuate the labels and
distinctions and stereotypes, we don't get very far. It's not a
disability specific thing regardless of what society thinks. And in my
own personal experience, I've heard sighted people tell other sighted
people the exact same things we're discussing in this thread. They may
view it differently if discussing blind people, but nonetheless, they do
and say the same things- not all, but many. So we should stop
considering it a blind vs. sight issue.

Blind, sighted, purple, blue, certain behaviors and mannerisms are not
appropriate no matter the circumstance, and it should be corrected. If
we told each other to conform to a particular thinking or personality or
appearance, this would be a perfect example of saying we shouldn't have
to follow one standard. We're talking about odd physical movements
though that are out of place for most settings. Correcting this isn't
conforming to society's standards or sighty's perspective; it's called
being a human being, and whether blind or not, certain behavior and
mannerisms should be corrected. It should be done gently, with love and
not in a demeaning way, but corrected just the same.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan



Message: 11
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:12:33 -0500
From: Jedi <loneblindjedi at samobile.net>
To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Body language and facial expressions
Message-ID: 16fc5414-d8f5-4814-a8f5-24b67d625da8 at samobile.net
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format="flowed"

Bridgit,

The difference in teaching the sighted to be appropriate versus the
blind is that sighted kids are simply reminded not to do certain things
or to do others. With the blind, it's not that simple. There are
journal articles written about why we do what we do; these articles
often proclaim that we have no or underdeveloped social skills and that
the sighted must intervene lest we have no friends later on. You've
even seen some of that here perpetuated by our own self-criticisms.
When sighted kids are taught to be appropriate, they are told to be
appropriate. When blind kids are taught to be appropriate, they are
often told not to look like a blind person. it's no accident that our
mannerisms are referred to as blindisms. Have you ever heard sighted
mannerisms called sightedisms? And what about this notion of looking
like a person with a cognitive disability? I've heard comments here
like "we shouldn't look retarded because we're not." I am angry with
this line of thought because it puts down people with disabilities in
general as someone else here has pointed out some time ago. I've never
heard comments like this when teaching sighted children to behave a
certain way.

Marc's right. This isn't just about teaching and learning appropriate
behavior. This is about the age-old question every minority faces:
assimilation or accommodation? Should we act like the majority or
should we find a balance between our cultures and learn to adapt to
each other? I prefer the latter myself. i believe in being congruent: I
want to be who and what I am; this sometimes includes changing my
behavior in some context because I want acceptance from others. In this
process, I'm developing an inner meter that tells me when I need to do
which, and that meter isn't calibrated to other people's meters because
I find such a practice useless and utterly stressful. I'm learning to
trust myself to come up with the best behavior for the situation
because I am starting to believe I have the knowledge I need or have
the resources to receive the knowledge I need in the current moment.

Respectfully,
Jedi


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