[nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings

Fri Oct 14 02:12:34 UTC 2011

Humberto, 
Don't be embarrassed if your eyes aren't looking directly into the other person's eyes.  It's actually more normal for people to look near the eyes than directly into them.  People generally make brief eye contact, lasting at most 3 to 5 seconds before looking somewhere else like the forehead or mouth etc.  Extended eye contact is usually reserved for confrontation or intimacy.  Just directing your gaze to slightly above where you hear someone speaking is good enough.  

As far as tips for social situations, I think the most important, but also most difficult, thing is to be confident.  Navigating in busy social situations where you don't know anyone can be really difficult.  People may be hesitant to interact with a blind person because they have never had to do so and they imagine it might be different, and so they are awkward.  If we compound the awkwardness by acting uncomfortable or nervous, we only make the problem worse.  I have found  that when I am confident and not awkward about the fact that I can't see them, people quickly take a clue and relax.  

For example, if you find a seat and you want to know who is around you, its perfectly ok to turn and ask, "is anyone sitting to my left?"  It obviously helps if you can hear people moving around to one side or another, so do your best, but sometimes you just have to go for it.  If no one is there, it might be a little embarrassing, but probably not since most likely  no one heard you ask in the first place.  

If you know someone is close by, Ashley's suggestion of turning and saying "Hi, I'm Greg" is a good one.  If there is a chance it is someone you have already met you can say, "Hi, I'm Greg.  Have we met?"  Many times just introducing myself has been enough to overcome any awkwardness toward blindness and start a conversation like they might with any other stranger.  

Things like joining a conversation already in progress still stump me.  I usually don't do this well and end up feeling like I'm just listening in on someone else's conversation.  If anyone has any tips for that I would be interested.  

Hope these are helpful.

Greg
On Oct 13, 2011, at 8:14 PM, Humberto Avila wrote:

> Hello, but how can I make eye contact with someone if I am blind. I can
> understand looking in the face, but not looking in the eyes since I might
> beam my eyes "crooked" or "slightly crooked" at someone as I look into their
> eyes, and I think  this is also embarracing. 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Ashley Bramlett
> Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 5:10 PM
> To: shogle at students.kennesaw.edu; National Association of Blind Students
> mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings
> 
> Sam,
> One thing that helps me is to act interested. I see too many blind people 
> who have their head down, rock their head, or look down.
> This shows a disinterested image; it's a body language thing and people 
> won't approach you easily with a hunched over person "staring" at the floor.
> You need to sit up straight and have your head forward. I have central 
> vision so its more natural. But even ify your fully blind, having your head 
> up and making eye contact is a good habit.
> 
> I often have people approach me and introduce themselves so far. But I don't
> 
> meet as many people then. If I'm lucky, the individual will take me around 
> and introduce me to some of their friends. I wonder if nonverbal 
> communication would help. Anyone learned gestures? Has that made a 
> difference?
> Ashley
> 
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Sam Hogle
> Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2011 7:54 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] socializing tips in crowds and meetings
> 
> Hi Ashley. I completely agree with what you're saying here. I'm a dog
> user, and because of that, I feel that this topic is even more
> important. For example, it never fails that a friendly dog will guide
> you in to a room and find you a chair, but not make sure it's an empty
> one. lol
> Also, I agree with the whole issue of trying to break the ice with
> people. For the record, it's just a little aukward
> when you're talking to someone without realizing they've walked away. I
> guess that's just something I've gotten used too. However, I agree it's
> good to have tips. After all, if you're at a social event where you're
> supposed to break off in to groups, it would be just a little
> embarrassing to turn to see if you can join a group only to discover
> you're talking to a wall and not a person. Anyway, I guess what I'm
> trying to say here is I am also in the club that could benefit from any
> tips, and I'm sure there are many more of us.
> Sam
> On 10/13/2011 7:40 PM, Ashley Bramlett wrote:
>> Hi all,
>> 
>> I've not been the best at finding people and integrating into a crowd or 
>> going to a structured event and feeling comfortable. Once I know people,
> I'm 
>> okay. But breaking the ice is hard. I'm a cane user and I'll find a spot 
>> to sit but may not know who is around.
>> 
>> What are tips for getting to know people and finding who is there? I 
>> cannot see familiar faces. If its totally new, I don't recognize voices. 
>> Do you just say something to a nearby person "hi, how are you? I am {your 
>> name} and its good to be here."
>> How do you deal with slides you cannot see? Do you contact them ahead of 
>> time for an alternative format?
>> 
>> When I say structured activity, I mean something where people sit down in 
>> a room to hear a speaker, have small group discussions, or see an event.
>> Some examples:
>> 1. any club activity on campus
>> 2. a religious activity such as bible study
>> 3. a meeting in the community of similar interest people such as a writing
> 
>> club or toastmasters group.
>> 4. a conference
>> 
>> When you have a general crowd, its even harder to know what is happening 
>> or find people. Examples are at a game or pep rally or reception.
>> 
>> I'm planning to join some groups soon such as a writer's club and perhaps 
>> a bible study. I might join toastmasters because I like speaking and want 
>> to polish my speaking skills. And I'm heading to homecoming too. So I got 
>> to wondering tips and how others feel.
>> 
>> Sometimes I don't feel included. People might say Ashley, I'll help you 
>> get some food and then proceed to describe it and serve me at the counter.
> 
>> But then after I'm seated they wander off.
>> 
>> Thanks.
>> Ashley
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