[nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision

Fri Mar 23 00:17:24 UTC 2012

Hi all,
I have a little experience with online dating, but not much. I was on
a dating site for a year or so and chatted with a few guys but didn't
find anyone I actually wanted to meet in person. I have a lot of
friends (sighted and blind) who do online dating and I've heard the
whole gamut, from happily-ever-after marriages to disastrous first
dates and a few people who walked away after my friend's blindness was
revealed online. It really doesn't hurt to try it. If you do find
someone you like and want to meet, it's best to meet them in a public
place. But there's nothing dangerous about just putting a profile up
and seeing what happens.
Some dating sites are free and others charge a fee for joining.
Interestingly, the site I used was free, and when I was visiting my
sister and her roommate they were checking out one of the paid sites.
I told them about the free site I was on and they looked at it and
said they thought the guys on the free site were a lot more attractive
and appealing than the guys on the paid one. So it's possible the
people you might meet on a free site are less "desperate" and hence
are better catches.
I'm sure there's a lot of debate about when to reveal blindness during
an online dating encounter. Some people put it in their profiles,
others wait until the first meeting and still others reveal it at some
point in the middle. I'd tend to treat it like a job interview and
reveal blindness after I've connected with someone online but before
we meet in person so they aren't totally shocked or freaked out when
they see me. Unfortunately rejections due to blindness can happen at
any point in the process. You'll have to decide whether you would
prefer to take that risk earlier on or to give them a chance to get to
know you before they learn about your blindness.
Regarding dating blind vs. sighted people: Like many of us I have done
both. I never consciously decided that I wanted to date a blind person
or a sighted person, and I would not recommend that line of thinking.
I simply dated guys with whom I felt a connection and who felt the
same way toward me, regardless of whether or not they were blind. I
will say that in some ways establishing the initial relationship was
easier with blind guys, because I didn't have to wonder about what
nonverbal signals they were sending or how they might interpret my
nonverbal signals. However, when I try to compare the relationship I
have had with my sighted boyfriend over the past three years with the
other relationships I have had with blind guys, I really can't think
of any major differences. I do think that regardless of blindness
status, it's important for you and your partner to share interests and
passions in common. NFB and blindness are passions that many of us
share, and they help bring many blind couples together. However, there
are other interests or passions you may share with sighted folks
around you, and finding a partner who shares one of those passions
with you can be similarly rewarding. In other words, instead of
deciding who to date based on whether they are sighted or blind, I
think it's more helpful to choose based on how much you share in
common with them. I know that for us blind folks it can be hard to
meet and connect with people at bars or large gatherings like singles'
parties. But if you can find communities of people that share your
interests-whether that be your local NFB chapter or student division,
classes, church groups or clubs you might be in-that's a much better
way to build lasting connections.
Arielle

On 3/22/12, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Oops, I missed a point: I wouldn't go to an NFB convention simply for
> the dating scene. I'm sure relationships do develop at things like
> that, however most people are going to be preoccupied with general
> sessions, exhibits, orientation around a huge massive hotel, etc etc
> to really pay attention to who's around them for dating.
>
> Later.
>
> On 22.03.2012, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hello Robin,
>>
>> Or you could just go ahead and do the online dating thing and learn
>> from it. It has turned out well for some, and not so well for others.
>> As for the sighted vs. blind thing, I would ask what you want. Not
>> dating a blind person simply because you think you'll look cool and
>> more independent for dating a sighted person will limit your options,
>> just like not dating a sighted person because you're afraid of being
>> rejected is crazy as well. We're all individuals. Many blind people
>> have underlying disabilities, some may not be adjusted to their
>> blindness completely, etc etc but you wouldn't have to necessarily
>> feel self-conscious about the blindness issues, your appearance, etc
>> etc. Sighted people in my experience are going to ask many questions.
>> Especially at first, you'll probably have to do a whole lot more
>> educating than dating, and it might get annoying, but many are willing
>> to learn and it could work out. As for good dating sites ... why not
>> just getting onto the social networks like Facebook and put your
>> status as single? Maybe attend some of the singles conferences that
>> are out there? And if someone interests you, then go after them
>> (whether online or not).
>>
>> Anyway, talk to you later and peace. May you have much luck with your
>> dating search.
>>
>> Nimer J
>>
>> On 22.03.2012, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>>> Also, it has been proven, that there are people on chat sites, that
>>> pretend to be something, to get your attention, and then when you meet
>>> them, they're a criminal.
>>> Be careful, and meet people one on one, and in person.
>>> Come to the NFB convention, and you might meet someone, and oh yes,
>>> there are sighted members in the NFB, as well!
>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>
>>> On 3/22/12, Gloria G <gloria.graves at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Hi,
>>>> I have never gone on to any of the online dating sites, but I would be
>>>> very
>>>> careful because a person online is not as friendly or charming as they
>>>> appear to be over emails. I have dated very few blind people and find
>>>> that
>>>> there is always a focus on blindness in the relationship and I feel that
>>>> is
>>>> a negative thing at times because we all live with blindness on a daily
>>>> basis and want to know we are more than our blindness. I have found
>>>> there
>>>> are a lot of people open to dating a blind person expecially when they
>>>> are
>>>> confident and out going. I have been in a relationship with a sited
>>>> person
>>>> for 3 years and things are wonderful.
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: "Robin" <robinmel71 at earthlink.net>
>>>> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 4:47 PM
>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> Hello to everyone,
>>>>> I am just wondering if anyone has had any experience with online dating
>>>>> and if so what sites would you recommend? What experiences have you had
>>>>> with dating sighted people vs dating blind people? I look forward to
>>>>> hearing your stories.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
>>>>> Perhaps
>>>>> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a
>>>>> breeze
>>>>>
>>>>> among flowers.
>>>>> Hellen Keller
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
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>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>
>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
>> up to you. Thanks.
>>
>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>> http://counter.li.org/
>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>> please click here:
>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>
>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>> and above, please click here:
>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>
>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>
>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>
>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>
>
>
> --
> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>
> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
> up to you. Thanks.
>
> Registered Linux User 529141.
> http://counter.li.org/
> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
> please click here:
> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>
> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
> and above, please click here:
> http://www.nvda-project.org
>
> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>
> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>
> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>
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