[nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision

Fri Mar 23 19:33:29 UTC 2012

Hi Joshua, they are now using standard poodles for this reason
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joshua Lester" <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 9:33 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision

Also, with the guide dog, you never know, if the person you're dating
has an allergy to dogs.
That's why I avoid them, because of my allergies.
I don't know, if they train dogs, that are nonallergenic.
Nicole, do you know if they do?
Thanks, Joshua

On 3/22/12, Nicole B. Torcolini at Home <ntorcolini at wavecable.com> wrote:
> I'm not saying that this is a reason to get one, and I know that they are
> not for everyone, and, if you tell the training center that you want one 
> for
> this reason, they're probably not going to accept you, but guide dogs can
> sometimes be a way to break the ice in awkward situations. However, there 
> is
> of course a flip side to that. Some people who have guide dogs don't like 
> it
> when people talk to them because of their dogs. .
>
> Nicole
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mary Fernandez" <trillian551 at gmail.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 6:42 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>
>
> Hello All,
> This is a really fantastic topic for a number of reasons. First,
> dating is hard as a blind person. But dating can also be hard for
> someone who is overweight, someone who is well below average height,
> someone who has trouble hearing, etc. In short, dating can be hard for
> anyone who isn't simply average, someone who doesn't fall squarely in
> the fattest part of the bell curve when we look at populations. Even
> geniuses have trouble dating, I'm friends with some, and it's a true
> story.
> I was having a conversation about dating with a very good friend of
> mine a few days ago. And one of the things we both agreed upon, is
> that one of the challenges of dating in the typical ways that most
> people do, is that most sighted people see you as an asexual being,
> who needs help, and who cannot be viewed as datable. Which, like
> Arielle said,  makes it hard for blind people to go to bars and other
> hang out places where singles gather and just pick up someone and go
> on a date. We have to carry a heavier burden by making ourselves even
> more accessible than most people, and this might play havoc with our
> self-esteem.  The courting sequence usually goes something like this:
> Man and woman sit at bar. Man and woman makes eye-contact.
> If man and woman give each other physical cue, man will usually,
> though not always, make a comment which will spark off conversation.
> If woman is interested, about 2 minutes into the conversation she will
> angle herself toward the man. If conversation continues to be
> stimulating, and man and woman are getting a deeper connection, casual
> touching might begin, and a second date might be requested.
> Now, lets look at this from a blind perspective. Man or woman walk
> into bar, after using cane successfully, fending off unwanted requests
> to be helped, man or woman find barstool. After being observed to
> enter by most of the bar, observers' mis-conceptions about blindness
> will have been activated. And our shot of having this normal courting
> sequence is nipped at the bud. Of course, a person who wasn't there
> before hand might come in, look at your gorgeous skirt and be
> instantly drawn in. Which is why, I like to arrive early at parties
> and spark up a conversation with new comers. When they find out your
> blind however, all bets are off.
> This is not to say that blind individuals cannot and should not have a
> dating experience. On the contrary, I have been fairly successful in
> dating along with many other blind women and men I know. Like Arielle
> and others mentioned, whether someone is sighted or blind should be
> irrelevant in who you choose to spend your time with and consider as a
> potential romantic partner. there are so many other things that come
> into play. What's important to you? Values, humor, kindness,
> intelligence, height, hair color, philosophical view, political
> parties? Could you truly date a democrat with all those liberal ideas
> they have? Or God forbid you find a blind conservative, but decide to
> stay with them because it's more comfortable. Relationships are so
> incredibly hard and take a lot of work .You learn a lot from each
> other. But hopefully, most of the time you enjoy each other
> thoroughly, know what your flaws are and continue to like the person
> despite them, and have a stronger basis for that relationship than
> mere visual acuity.
> So, basically, yes, if online dating is something you want to
> explore, than yes, do it! If the single chess club is something your
> into, go for it! If a singles book club, (which is totally something
> I'm looking into right now), sounds interesting, then by all means. Be
>  creative, don't limit yourself to national convention or the local
> bar,, try speed dating! Trivia night! Just going to house parties. But
> most of all, be comfortable with yourself, don't go looking for a
> sighted date or a blind date for validation. Because that never ends
> well. The truth of the matter is that even those of us who are
> completely comfortable with their blindness, who lead, full happy and
> fulfilled life, can be put down sometimes by being perceived by the
> sighted world as somehow lacking, when we know we are not. But, you do
> learn that you really are ok, and that dating is just one more thing
> we have to do using alternative skills. I know, from the experience of
> friends, that some sighted people like to date blind people, because
> it makes them feel useful. It validates their self-worth, since they
> have someone they can help all the time. And I know blind people who
> think that dating someone who is sighted is somehow a superior
> experience. I've done both, and speaking from a woman's perspective.
> All men have issues. But you can find some truly golden ones among
> them all.
> A long post of mine can never be complete without my usual reference
> to fashion and looking good. Dress to bring out the best features of
> yourself. Even at my worse jeans, shirt and sneakers college chic,
> when I wake up 10 minutes before class, I always wear color. Because I
> have a nice skin tone, and color is my friend. Look nice, get some
> delicious lotion or perfume, and go get em.
> Sincerely,
> Mary
>
> On 3/22/12, Doug Oliver <oliver.doug1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I'm gonna way in on this topic.
>> My fiancee is actually sited and I'm blind, she's been around blind 
>> people
>> growing up, so she's very much accustomed to dating a blind person.
>> We've met in person twice and it's been great.
>> Take care,
>> Doug
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Ashley" <cumbiambera2005 at gmail.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:42 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>
>>
>> Hello all,
>> Like some of the people who have posted already, I have had my own
>> experiences with dating, as well as simply meeting people online. As a
>> matter of fact, my current boyfriend is someone I met online, and he
>> is blind as well. We have been dating a little over a year now, and I
>> have also had the chance to meet him in person. I can say that some of
>> what we've been through, especially when we met, was both good and
>> bad, and even though he is blind, it was a little more disastrous
>> because of his family who are sighted. Well the first time we actually
>> got to "see" each other was through a webcam, and both families were
>> present, not only for discriptive purposes but also because of us
>> being long distance, and it was the only way the two families could
>> meet. About 6 months later I got to visit him in person, and that was
>> a little weird because he lives in another country, and a part of
>> another culture, and that in itself brings its own barriers. I
>> actually stayed at his house with his family, and I imagine it was
>> hard on them because they've never dealt with another blind person
>> besides him, and he is not as independent as I am. I have also met
>> sighted people online, but I did not meet them through dating sites. I
>> met them through pages we both visit, (blogs, etc), and in my opinion,
>> that's better because you're actually meeting people you have things
>> in common with, regardless of whether you date or not, and like most
>> people have said already, one of the main things to consider when
>> dating someone, blind or sighted, is what kinds of things you share in
>> common with the other person. I personally have never dated a sighted
>> person, but I have made some interesting friends online who are
>> sighted. Some know I'm blind, and some do not, but not because I
>> haven't wanted to tell them. I don't meet these people in person
>> mainly because most of them are not from the U.S. and therefore it
>> really hasn't come up. Besides, I'm not as close to them, and we
>> mainly talk about music, which is what i have in common with most of
>> these people I meet anyway. I have also met blind friends online, and
>> basically the same goes for them. So as most people have already said,
>> I don't think it's that much different dating a sighted person from a
>> blind person. A blind person might be a little more understanding
>> considering they go through some of the same things. But on the other
>> side, that may not always be the case, if the person isn't completely
>> adjusted to their blindness, or they have been with their family their
>> entire life, and don't really understand the independence issue such
>> as in my case. So I think dating both blind and sighted people can
>> have their ups and downs, and it's just a matter of knowing how to
>> handle each situation as it comes. Good luck.
>>
>>
>> On 3/22/12, Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Hi all,
>>> I have a little experience with online dating, but not much. I was on
>>> a dating site for a year or so and chatted with a few guys but didn't
>>> find anyone I actually wanted to meet in person. I have a lot of
>>> friends (sighted and blind) who do online dating and I've heard the
>>> whole gamut, from happily-ever-after marriages to disastrous first
>>> dates and a few people who walked away after my friend's blindness was
>>> revealed online. It really doesn't hurt to try it. If you do find
>>> someone you like and want to meet, it's best to meet them in a public
>>> place. But there's nothing dangerous about just putting a profile up
>>> and seeing what happens.
>>> Some dating sites are free and others charge a fee for joining.
>>> Interestingly, the site I used was free, and when I was visiting my
>>> sister and her roommate they were checking out one of the paid sites.
>>> I told them about the free site I was on and they looked at it and
>>> said they thought the guys on the free site were a lot more attractive
>>> and appealing than the guys on the paid one. So it's possible the
>>> people you might meet on a free site are less "desperate" and hence
>>> are better catches.
>>> I'm sure there's a lot of debate about when to reveal blindness during
>>> an online dating encounter. Some people put it in their profiles,
>>> others wait until the first meeting and still others reveal it at some
>>> point in the middle. I'd tend to treat it like a job interview and
>>> reveal blindness after I've connected with someone online but before
>>> we meet in person so they aren't totally shocked or freaked out when
>>> they see me. Unfortunately rejections due to blindness can happen at
>>> any point in the process. You'll have to decide whether you would
>>> prefer to take that risk earlier on or to give them a chance to get to
>>> know you before they learn about your blindness.
>>> Regarding dating blind vs. sighted people: Like many of us I have done
>>> both. I never consciously decided that I wanted to date a blind person
>>> or a sighted person, and I would not recommend that line of thinking.
>>> I simply dated guys with whom I felt a connection and who felt the
>>> same way toward me, regardless of whether or not they were blind. I
>>> will say that in some ways establishing the initial relationship was
>>> easier with blind guys, because I didn't have to wonder about what
>>> nonverbal signals they were sending or how they might interpret my
>>> nonverbal signals. However, when I try to compare the relationship I
>>> have had with my sighted boyfriend over the past three years with the
>>> other relationships I have had with blind guys, I really can't think
>>> of any major differences. I do think that regardless of blindness
>>> status, it's important for you and your partner to share interests and
>>> passions in common. NFB and blindness are passions that many of us
>>> share, and they help bring many blind couples together. However, there
>>> are other interests or passions you may share with sighted folks
>>> around you, and finding a partner who shares one of those passions
>>> with you can be similarly rewarding. In other words, instead of
>>> deciding who to date based on whether they are sighted or blind, I
>>> think it's more helpful to choose based on how much you share in
>>> common with them. I know that for us blind folks it can be hard to
>>> meet and connect with people at bars or large gatherings like singles'
>>> parties. But if you can find communities of people that share your
>>> interests-whether that be your local NFB chapter or student division,
>>> classes, church groups or clubs you might be in-that's a much better
>>> way to build lasting connections.
>>> Arielle
>>>
>>> On 3/22/12, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Oops, I missed a point: I wouldn't go to an NFB convention simply for
>>>> the dating scene. I'm sure relationships do develop at things like
>>>> that, however most people are going to be preoccupied with general
>>>> sessions, exhibits, orientation around a huge massive hotel, etc etc
>>>> to really pay attention to who's around them for dating.
>>>>
>>>> Later.
>>>>
>>>> On 22.03.2012, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ <nimerjaber1 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> Hello Robin,
>>>>>
>>>>> Or you could just go ahead and do the online dating thing and learn
>>>>> from it. It has turned out well for some, and not so well for others.
>>>>> As for the sighted vs. blind thing, I would ask what you want. Not
>>>>> dating a blind person simply because you think you'll look cool and
>>>>> more independent for dating a sighted person will limit your options,
>>>>> just like not dating a sighted person because you're afraid of being
>>>>> rejected is crazy as well. We're all individuals. Many blind people
>>>>> have underlying disabilities, some may not be adjusted to their
>>>>> blindness completely, etc etc but you wouldn't have to necessarily
>>>>> feel self-conscious about the blindness issues, your appearance, etc
>>>>> etc. Sighted people in my experience are going to ask many questions.
>>>>> Especially at first, you'll probably have to do a whole lot more
>>>>> educating than dating, and it might get annoying, but many are willing
>>>>> to learn and it could work out. As for good dating sites ... why not
>>>>> just getting onto the social networks like Facebook and put your
>>>>> status as single? Maybe attend some of the singles conferences that
>>>>> are out there? And if someone interests you, then go after them
>>>>> (whether online or not).
>>>>>
>>>>> Anyway, talk to you later and peace. May you have much luck with your
>>>>> dating search.
>>>>>
>>>>> Nimer J
>>>>>
>>>>> On 22.03.2012, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>>>>>> Also, it has been proven, that there are people on chat sites, that
>>>>>> pretend to be something, to get your attention, and then when you 
>>>>>> meet
>>>>>> them, they're a criminal.
>>>>>> Be careful, and meet people one on one, and in person.
>>>>>> Come to the NFB convention, and you might meet someone, and oh yes,
>>>>>> there are sighted members in the NFB, as well!
>>>>>> Blessings, Joshua
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 3/22/12, Gloria G <gloria.graves at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>> Hi,
>>>>>>> I have never gone on to any of the online dating sites, but I would
>>>>>>> be
>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>> careful because a person online is not as friendly or charming as
>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>> appear to be over emails. I have dated very few blind people and 
>>>>>>> find
>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>> there is always a focus on blindness in the relationship and I feel
>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>> a negative thing at times because we all live with blindness on a
>>>>>>> daily
>>>>>>> basis and want to know we are more than our blindness. I have found
>>>>>>> there
>>>>>>> are a lot of people open to dating a blind person expecially when
>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>> are
>>>>>>> confident and out going. I have been in a relationship with a sited
>>>>>>> person
>>>>>>> for 3 years and things are wonderful.
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>> From: "Robin" <robinmel71 at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>> Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 4:47 PM
>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating & Sighted-Blind-Low Vision
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Hello to everyone,
>>>>>>>> I am just wondering if anyone has had any experience with online
>>>>>>>> dating
>>>>>>>> and if so what sites would you recommend? What experiences have you
>>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>> with dating sighted people vs dating blind people? I look forward 
>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>> hearing your stories.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
>>>>>>>> Perhaps
>>>>>>>> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a
>>>>>>>> breeze
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> among flowers.
>>>>>>>> Hellen Keller
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
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>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>>>>
>>>>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>>>>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>>>>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>>>>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
>>>>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>>>>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>>>>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
>>>>> up to you. Thanks.
>>>>>
>>>>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>>>>> http://counter.li.org/
>>>>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>>>>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>>>>> please click here:
>>>>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>>>>
>>>>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>>>>> and above, please click here:
>>>>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>>>>
>>>>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>>>>
>>>>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>>>>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>>>>
>>>>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
>>>>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Nimer Jaber, IC³ and Freedom Scientific JAWS Certifications
>>>>
>>>> The message above is intended for the recipient to whom it was
>>>> addressed. If you believe that you are not the intended recipient,
>>>> please notify me via reply email and destroy all copies of this
>>>> correspondence. Action taken as a result of this email or its contents
>>>> by anyone other than the intended recipient may result in civil or
>>>> criminal action. I have checked this email and all corresponding
>>>> attachments for security threats. However, security of your machine is
>>>> up to you. Thanks.
>>>>
>>>> Registered Linux User 529141.
>>>> http://counter.li.org/
>>>> Vinux testing and documentation coordinator
>>>> To get more information about a free and accessible operating system,
>>>> please click here:
>>>> http://www.vinuxproject.org
>>>>
>>>> To find out about a free and versatile screen reader for windows XP
>>>> and above, please click here:
>>>> http://www.nvda-project.org
>>>>
>>>> You can follow @nimerjaber on Twitter for the latest technology news.
>>>>
>>>> Check out my blog related to technology by clicking here:
>>>> http://nimertech.blogspot.com
>>>>
>>>> To contact me, you can reply to this email or you may call me at (720)
>>>> (251-4530) and I will do my best to respond to you promptly.
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>
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>>
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>
>
> --
> Mary Fernandez
> Emory 2012
> "Do I dare
> Disturb the universe?
> In a minute there is time
> For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."
> --
> T.S. Eliot
>
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