[nabs-l] Public humiliation because of blindness.

Sun Oct 21 19:57:23 UTC 2012

The balance really isn't that difficult. We all know what could be classified as appropriate treatment and in appropriate treatment. Each of us have different boundaries. The way you figure out when it's right for you to fight or when it's right for you to roll with the punches is a very personal thing. I have a native American friend of mine that uses his own decision-making process based on one developed by the Institute of cultural affairs. It goes something like this:

The What: This is the objective aspect of what happened. So, to the best of your ability, think about the incident as though you were an outsider. This is the time to think about both sides. In other words, what might have the other person been thinking? What were you thinking? What was said? What was done? That sort of thing.

The Gut: This is the reflective aspect of what happened.  How did you feel about the incident? One way you can figure out your motions is by checking out your physical responses to the experience. Does your stomach feel differently? does your chest feel differently? what about your  breathing?Are your muscles relaxed or tense?  What emotion words come to mind? The emotional or reflective aspect of what's happening can give you a clue as to why this particular event is important.

So What: This part of the process is where you determine how important this is. The other part of this is to figure out why it's important. So think of this section as the significance section. Maybe a particular event is important because it represents the pattern either for you personally or for blind people generally. As you think about the significance of an event, you may notice that more emotions crop up for you. Take note and add this to your reflective section. You may also gain some objective insights here. Let's use our carnival example. This one incident may, in someway, represent the acts of discrimination of blind people face generally. So for a given individual, this incident might represent something very very important. For someone else, this incident may represent a lack of education. Again, this brings about a sense of importance. And for some of us, it may represent nothing at all. It may simply represent someone's being stupid. And that case, there may not Be much importance at all. So, like I said before, it's quite personal. The level of importance, the feelings you feel, and the objective  incident itself Will help you figure out what to do next.

Now What: Now comes the decision. What are you going to do next? If you think this matter represents and incidents requiring education, your next step simply might be to educate. If you feel that more action is required, you may consider escalating the conflict to a supervisor or even to legal action. If you think the guy is just being stupid, your decision maybe just a laugh it off. Again, this is a purely personal matter.

This decisional process takes time to develop. The more you practice it, the easier it gets. You will come to a point when you can go through each step in a matter of seconds. For the first little while, you may find That you have to reexperience a moment ex post facto. Most of the time, you may not be able to remedy the situation at this time. On the other hand, you can use this as a teaching moment for yourself. You'll start to notice patterns and yourself, and that's partially what makes this process go a lot quicker as you get better. 

There will be times when it truly is not feasible to either go through the process or to take the decision to its final outcome. The important thing is to go through the process anyway and your mind afterward. This will help you clear up any emotional tension left behind from the experience. It will also help you move on. You will likely gain some insights about yourself. For example, this process helped  me realize that I don't like to be touched by strangers. This was the real reason why I do not like to be pushed and prodded by people and their attempts to guide me. I also figured out that I feel a loss of control when people push and pull me. This process finally helped me to realize that these emotions are perfectly natural. Many sided people would feel the same way if in the same circumstance. Since figuring that out, I have been able to communicate these feelings to sighted  people in such a way that they understand. The end result has been a sort of dialogue as education. The added bonus is that my issue was suddenly taken out of the blindness context. I really feel like taking things out of the blindness context sometimes helps me to advocate for myself better. Especially since some of these issues are so charged  in our community. 

I don't know if any of this resonates with any of you, but if it does, I would be willing to put a conference call together regarding this process. I can probably get my native American friend to come and lead the discussion. This process is part of an over all communication system called the elements of honor. I personally found the elements of honor to be an incredibly powerful resource in my life. I had  a lot of issues with the sighted  population when I joined his workshops. After learning the system and putting it to good use, I noticed that my problems with the sighted  community seem to diminish greatly.

I would like to add one more final thought before I go. I think we sometimes carry an invisible audience with us into situations like these. I have felt in the past that it was my responsibility to represent the entire blind community in every interaction I ever had. So in effect, it felt like having each of you in my back pocket wherever I went. As you might've guessed, we all have different opinions on how these things ought  to be handled. And so I sort of felt like I had several critics telling me do this, do that, don't do this,  don't do that. I really feel like the added stress of the invisible audience actually made my reactions to situations much more severe than they could have been otherwise. So remember, at the end of the day, we all have to deal with these issues in a very personal way. At the end of the day, we essentially represent ourselves and our own preferences. The preferences of others serve to educate our own minds as to the variety of options available to us, but they should never dictate what we do in  a particular situation, especially if the advice is not in keeping with our own personal Process.

I hope that helps.

Respectfully
Jedi

Sent from my iPhone

On Oct 20, 2012, at 10:29 AM, Kirt Manwaring <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com> wrote:

> John,
>  I think knowing when to speak up and when to let things go is
> probably the hardest thing about being an independent blind person.
> Best of luck to you!
> 
> On 10/20/12, christopher nusbaum <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I totally agree! You could also contact your NFB chapter or state
>> president, and maybe they would be able to help you. I think the best
>> course of action here is to be proactive and to educate them before
>> the embarrassment happens.
>> 
>> Sent from my iPhone
>> 
>> On Oct 20, 2012, at 1:52 AM, Mauricio Almeida
>> <mauriciopmalmeida at gmail.com> wrote:
>> 
>>> greetings,
>>> 
>>> While i have never had a situation exactly like this one, I thought I
>>> would point out my views on some  of the issues discussed herein.
>>> I strongly agree that you should take some kind of action regarding this
>>> matter, because it is because we let go of things in the past that we need
>>> to deal with these situations nowadays.
>>> however, coming to us and sharing your experience, is already an action.
>>> You have allowed yourself to calm down, and you have accepted the
>>> situation understanding that it is not your fault for having a disability,
>>> but his fault for not knowing how to seal with the situation and being
>>> totally inappropriate about it.
>>> This is a big step within itself.
>>> About further action, I would fill a complaint with the place's
>>> management, as suggested in the first reply of this e-mail, and stand by.
>>> if the issue persist, then consider additional steps.
>>> The important thing is to remember how to distinguish ignorance from
>>> prejudice. many people do not know what the blind can do, which is why
>>> sometimes they ask way to many questions over a simples matter. in those
>>> cases, the best approach is to educate them.
>>> when however the person is purposefully making you embarrassed, (or
>>> whenever it seems to be this way) don't hesitate to take an aggressive
>>> stance.
>>> 
>>> sincerely,
>>> 
>>> Mauricio Almeida
>>> Vice president: Michigan association of blind students
>>> On Oct 19, 2012, at 9:32 PM, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net>
>>> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> Good evening, carnival chick,
>>>> 
>>>> Let it go! Just consider what the attendant's attentions probably were
>>>> and his experience with blindness. He probably has neither. At 05:08 PM
>>>> 10/19/2012, you wrote:
>>>>> I'm wondering if anyone else besides me has had an incident like the one
>>>>> I'm about to discuss. This does not have to necessarily be at a
>>>>> carnival; this can be anywhere. I am trying to figure out what to do to
>>>>> take action against the person involved in this situation and am looking
>>>>> for advice.
>>>>> 
>>>>> I went to our state fair today to hang out at the carnival. I always
>>>>> have fun and today was no exception. I am a very big fan of walking
>>>>> through funhouses, especially the ones that are like obstacle courses
>>>>> with moving floors, turntables, and the like. My favorite one is a
>>>>> massive 4-story one called the King's Circus. First, let me say that it
>>>>> is absolutely crucial that a blind person get help when he/she walks
>>>>> through this. There are openings that you have to watch out for while
>>>>> navigating certain tricks and also some tricky maneuvering if you use a
>>>>> long cane. For instance, the first thing you encounter is a large
>>>>> turntable that you step on to to ride around to the entrance. You have
>>>>> to watch for an opening and the gap is too narrow to put your cane
>>>>> through once you step on and grab the pole. You have to step off while
>>>>> said platform is spinning and could have a really nasty accident if
>>>>> someone is not there to make sure you didn't miss it; I nearly have
>>>>> planted my face in the wall when trying to do it independently. I have
>>>>> been through this funhouse five times, not counting today, and have had
>>>>> no issues with getting help from attendants. The guys who ran it in the
>>>>> past were totally awesome and did not treat blindness as an issue. Today
>>>>> they didn't either. However, there was one attendant in particular who
>>>>> decided that it was necessary to publicly embarrass me. He asked my
>>>>> companion if he had ever heard of the school for the blind; I only found
>>>>> this out later because I went up to go down the 4-story slide from the
>>>>> top of the building. My companion chose not to as he is a big guy and
>>>>> the slide is a tight fit. No problem. HOwever, he then proceeded to yell
>>>>> to the entire funhouse that a blind person was there and getting ready
>>>>> to come down. I understand that I needed to wait until the person I was
>>>>> with got down the stairs, but was totally embarrassed by his actions. He
>>>>> did not let me get a word in either. This was the culmination of a
>>>>> series of incidents. First he made everyone cut in front of me at a
>>>>> particular floor trick that he thought I could not do. I proved him
>>>>> wrong on that one. However, he would not allow me to explore on my own
>>>>> like the other guys used to do. I was usually followed at a respectful
>>>>> distance and left to my own devices once I got past the entry turntable
>>>>> and moving stairs, only getting help when I needed to check that the
>>>>> path was clear and also to help me bypass things I did not want to do,
>>>>> like the hamster wheel. I do not mind waiting to go down the slide as
>>>>> someone has always told me when it is clear. He also made everyone go
>>>>> ahead of me because of blindness. Again, I could not get a word in to
>>>>> him to ask him to back off. I am trying to figure out what to do to take
>>>>> action against this person. I never got his name, but I do have a
>>>>> recording of the walk as evidence of what happened. Mind you, the
>>>>> funhouse was crowded today so I understand that I could not explore too
>>>>> much. But this guy clearly had low expectations and did not expect me to
>>>>> do anything independently.
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>>> nabs-l:
>>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/carlymih%40comcast.net
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>> nabs-l:
>>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/mauriciopmalmeida%40gmail.com
>>> 
>>> 
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> nabs-l:
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/dotkid.nusbaum%40gmail.com
>> 
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gmail.com
>> 
> 
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for nabs-l:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/loneblindjedi%40samobile.net
> 