[nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating

Sat Sep 8 03:57:55 UTC 2012

I see no problem with talking on the phone with someone every day as
long as it doesn't become obsessive. I'd say an hour or two a day is
reasonable. If you're in a long distance relationship, you need that
level of communication, because you're not geting those hours in with
face-to-face interactions and dates. Texting is the same way, it
should never be your primary method of communication, but there's
absolutely nothing wrong with texting the person when you wake up in
the morning just to say you're thinking of them, providing the other
person is OK with that, of course. Mornings and nights are the most
vulnerable times, I've found, because those are the times you're most
relaxed and wishing you could be near your significant other. So I say
getting that need met in whatever way you can definitly beats being
depressed because you can't be together at the moment.

On 9/7/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hello,
> More you communicate, more you will need to find things to talk about. I had
>
> a girlfriend that called me 5-15 times a day and each call lasted from 10
> mins to 3 hours. I had another girlfriend who would send me like 5 texts a
> day. I thought the first was excessive and the second was very unresponsive.
>
> I would call her though if you want something cereous. Texting has its
> place, but not in a relationship that may be something more than a word here
>
> and there. I would insist on 2 or 3 phone or face to face conversations a
> week. Because more than that you are approaching on being annoying. Less
> than that you will never get to know her. If calling is too difficult, than
>
> that relationship will either be a friend with benefit's or not working.
> Thanks,
>
> Brandon Keith Biggs
> -----Original Message-----
> From: SA Mobile
> Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 8:32 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>
> If you're considering physical intimacy, you probably want to communicate
> often. Otherwise, you run the risk making a choice that's not in your best
> interest.
>
> Respectfully,
> Jedi
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On 07/09/2012, at 10:19 PM, Koby <kobycox at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> How often should we communicate?
>> Koby
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> On Sep 7, 2012, at 10:08 PM, SA Mobile <loneblindjedi at samobile.net>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> That is a question only you can answer. Just be sure that your words
>>> represent your inner truth and are considerate of her feelings.
>>>
>>> Respectfully Submitted
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>> On 07/09/2012, at 9:42 PM, Koby <kobycox at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> What type of words should I use with her on a Dailey basis when we
>>>> communicate?
>>>> Koby
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>
>>>> On Sep 7, 2012, at 9:32 PM, SA Mobile <loneblindjedi at samobile.net>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Communicate honestly with her. Make sure you are both on the same page.
>>>>>
>>>>> Also remember that sex has physical amd emotional consequences.
>>>>> Consider these carefully and decide as a couple how you will handle the
>>>>>
>>>>> responsibilities involved. Above all, don't rush into things. You have
>>>>>
>>>>> plenty of time that you can use to develop your relationship im other
>>>>> ways that make physical intimacy more meaningful for you.
>>>>>
>>>>> Respectfully Submitted
>>>>>
>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>
>>>>> On 07/09/2012, at 9:20 PM, Koby <kobycox at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> Yes. How should I convey this to her?
>>>>>> Koby
>>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On Sep 7, 2012, at 9:13 PM, SA Mobile <loneblindjedi at samobile.net>
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> His question is appropriate in my opinion so long as things don't get
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> graphic. Blind people struggle with these questions as much as
>>>>>>> anyone, maybe more because of the misperception that we are aesexual
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> and/or are not capable of making these decisions. Some of us are
>>>>>>> overprotected to the point where these questions become central when
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> we finally experience true autonomy for the first time.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Koby, do you feel ready for sex? What does that activity mean for you
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> and do you feel your relationship is at that level of meaning? You
>>>>>>> don't have to answer publicly, it's just something to consider.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Respectfully,
>>>>>>> Jedi
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On 07/09/2012, at 8:46 PM, Joshua Lester
>>>>>>> <JLester8462 at PCCUAEDU.onmicrosoft.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Koby: this is off topic, especially since there are high schoolers
>>>>>>>> on here.
>>>>>>>> Thanks, Joshua
>>>>>>>> ________________________________________
>>>>>>>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on
>>>>>>>> behalf of Koby [kobycox at gmail.com]
>>>>>>>> Sent: Friday, September 07, 2012 8:42 PM
>>>>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>>> Cc: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> All,
>>>>>>>> What should I do If this girl wants to have sex when I see her?
>>>>>>>> Koby
>>>>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On Sep 6, 2012, at 12:53 AM, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com>
>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Hi, Arielle and all,
>>>>>>>>> Jason is the love I thought I'd never have.  YEs, we get on each
>>>>>>>>> other's nerves.  YEs, he argues with me sometimes, but people call
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> him no good, bad, really stupid, whuatever you say they say it
>>>>>>>>> about him.  I think Jason has a sweet side to him.  I love Jason so
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> much and we met in June.  His mom was able to pay for the flight,
>>>>>>>>> but I'm afraid she won't this December or so.  I'm trying to make
>>>>>>>>> it easy for her to pay for it again so I can be down there with
>>>>>>>>> him.  I want Jason to know that just because he's blind, heart
>>>>>>>>> issues and all that, that doesn't mean that his life is over.  HE
>>>>>>>>> can marry, he can have a relationship, he can have kids if he so
>>>>>>>>> desires, and he may engage in sex if that's whuat he wants.  Some
>>>>>>>>> men are nervous about sex and relationships, even Jason.  But with
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> the help of my coaxing and calm manner, he was able to enjoy
>>>>>>>>> himself with me.  At least he doesn't engage in the trade of child
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> porn and other inappropriate things that sighted men would engage
>>>>>>>>> in.  He ha
>> s
>>>> a
>>>>>>>> good sense of right and wrong.  He loves chocolate for breakfast.
>>>>>>>> (hee hee), though I prefer eggs myself.  If I look back and turn the
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> clock back, I see that I have not made a bad choice as some are led
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> to believe.  Honestly, I have insecurity issues, and I see myself at
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> fault for a stupid email I sent to his mother because I was truly
>>>>>>>> upset at sommething he did that was really inappropriate and I don't
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> want to share with this list.  I love Jason no matter what he does
>>>>>>>> to me or whuaft I do to him.  All I can do is say that it's
>>>>>>>> emotionally trying not having Jason near me, but this relationship
>>>>>>>> is good when the winds of good fortune blow in our direction.
>>>>>>>> Arielle, Im glad at least you have a good boyfriend.  Btw, for all
>>>>>>>> of us, how can I make up with Jason's family without sending an
>>>>>>>> email?  I really want to see him again, and supposedly his mom
>>>>>>>> resents me for sending that email.  That's the only thing about the
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> relationship that I don't like very much.
>>>>>>>>> Beth
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>>> From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
>>>>>>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>>>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> Date sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2012 23:01:32 -0600
>>>>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Long-Distance Dating
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Hi all,
>>>>>>>>> Cindy, I generally agree with you about keeping this list to
>>>>>>>>> blindness-related discussions. However, I do think long-distance
>>>>>>>>> dating issues like the one Koby brought up are perhaps more
>>>>>>>>> relevant
>>>>>>>>> to us blind students than they are for sighted students,
>>>>>>>>> especially
>>>>>>>>> those of us who are involved in the NFB.  This is because, for
>>>>>>>>> many
>>>>>>>>> reasons, some of us want to date other blind/NFB people and
>>>>>>>>> because
>>>>>>>>> our community is so spread out, we may often end up in similar
>>>>>>>>> situations where we have to decide if we want to enter a
>>>>>>>>> long-distance
>>>>>>>>> relationship with someone we know from this community. So I'd like
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>> offer a brief response on-list and hope that others in similar
>>>>>>>>> situations might find it helpful.
>>>>>>>>> During college I was in a long-distance relationship with someone
>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>> met through NFB for about a year. In hindsight I do not regret
>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>> decision at all. I had fun, learned a lot and he and I are still
>>>>>>>>> friends. I will also say that parts of it were emotionally very
>>>>>>>>> hard
>>>>>>>>> to deal with--in my particular case an airplane ticket between my
>>>>>>>>> location and his cost nearly $500 and we did not see each other
>>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>>> five months, which was emotionally trying at times. I do not think
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>> would do another long-distance relationship and my current
>>>>>>>>> boyfriend
>>>>>>>>> and I will be making an effort to ensure we will not have to be
>>>>>>>>> living
>>>>>>>>> in separate places for any length of time. However, again, I
>>>>>>>>> enjoyed
>>>>>>>>> the one experience I had overall and learned a lot from it. I think
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> if
>>>>>>>>> you and this girl really like each other and you can find a way to
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> see
>>>>>>>>> each other on a somewhat regular basis, there's no harm in trying
>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>> you can always decide later on to just be friends. However, it is
>>>>>>>>> something to give a little serious thought to before you make that
>>>>>>>>> kind of commitment. You also want to talk with her and make sure
>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>> the two of you have similar expectations for how serious of a
>>>>>>>>> relationship this will be and how often you will be able to see
>>>>>>>>> each
>>>>>>>>> other. It will be hard if one of you is much more enthused about
>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>> relationship than the other. But if the two of you are generally
>>>>>>>>> on
>>>>>>>>> the same page and are really committed to it, it can be fun.
>>>>>>>>> Hope this helps,
>>>>>>>>> Arielle
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>
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