[nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted society atsocial gatherings

Sophie Trist sweetpeareader at gmail.com
Fri Sep 14 22:05:14 UTC 2012


If states have student seminars, this should be a topic covered 
during those sessions. I, for one, I am going to run the idea by 
the president of my state's student devision. I have friends at 
my school, but many times I have wanted to be included in their 
parties and gatherings. I imagine I am not alone in this and am 
trying to become just as socially active as my sighted peers.

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Chris Nusbaum <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing 
list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 17:04:07 -0400
Subject: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted 
society atsocial gatherings

Hi Brandon and all,

I'm taking the liberty here to change the subject of this thread,
as if we're going to discuss the topic which Brandon has brought
up in his post, I think it would prevent confusion if we changed
the subject to reflect the actual topic of Brandon's message.

Brandon, your idea about the NFB conducting some kind of
instructional seminar or workshop on social norms and how we can
"fit in" with the sighted public is a great one! I think you
should talk with the NFB leadership about this! I believe NOPBC
(the parents division) has touched on this topic in their
seminars at conventions.  One of the topics at the parents
seminar at the Maryland state convention is almost always social
skills, especially what sighted society has deemed socially
acceptable and how we as blind people can fit in at social
gatherings, conforming as best we can to the "norms" of society.
I believe this is arguably more important for blind students, as
we are often in social gatherings (or want to be in them) at our
schools, with our friends, or in our communities.  Therefore, it
is important  that we know the unwritten rules which our sighted
society has made.  If we don't know them and follow them, what
does that say about us as blind people? It says we are weird,
different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.  These are the
very adjectives we in the Federation have been working to cut out
from the vocabulary of the public when in the context of
blindness and blind people.  In other words, these are the very
things we don't want sighted people thinking about us.  If this
is how sighted people perceive us, then it puts our ability to
get a job, volunteer in our community, and become first-class
citizens at risk.  So, I think this would be a great thing for
the NFB to do, and one which I'm kind of surprised we're not
doing already.  Also, since this is an important topic for blind
students, perhaps "social skills and norms" could be the topic of
a future NABS membership call.

Just my thoughts,

Chris

----- Original Message -----
From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:15:16 -0700
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health

Hello,
We aren't promoting sex among students, we are promoting safe
sex.  There is
a huge difference.  If the student division is the only one with
some
practical sense about sexual activities, I'm a little scared...
:)
I do agree though, sex, dating and excepted socializing among a
sighted
community is a very big topic that is often times ignored by the
blind
community.
I have been told by sighted TVIs that many blind folks (youth or
not) have
some very strange mannerisms and beliefs that are totally against
the grain
of sighted society.  My mom in particular, who is a TVI, has
suggested that
the NFB should really give some instruction on how the sighted
world thinks.
Otherwise what will happen (and what has happened) is the world
looks at a
gathering of blind people and cringes because they are so weird.
or a
sighted girl sees a blind guy and thinks she wants to talk to him
and when
she is about to sit down and say hi, the guy does something
really weird and
she turns around and walks a mile away.
This is a little different than the deal with the condoms, but
both sexual
health and social issues are topics that are very much in need of
attention
among blind individuals, and students in particular.
I feel strongly that having some active workshops on this that
aren't meant
to be uncomfortable, but still deal with the taboo problems would
greatly
improve convention.
Thank you,

Brandon Keith Biggs
-----Original Message-----
From: Arielle Silverman
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:18 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health

Hi all,
I have joked in the past about how NABS should sell Brailled
Whozit
condoms at convention! Kidding aside, though, there are probably
some
NFB leaders with more conservative leanings, who might feel that
NABS
selling condoms at convention would be promoting sexual activity
among
young or unmarried blind students.  I don't agree with that
position,
but some people do and since anything NABS does is, by extension,
an
NFB-sanctioned event, we would need to balance the benefits of
providing condoms against possibly upsetting the NFB leadership
or
bringing on an unwanted political debate.
I would be more likely to support a NABS breakout session, at
Washington Seminar or elsewhere, about sexuality in general, and
perhaps include an opportunity to try putting a condom on the
proverbial banana or some such.  When I was 15, I went to a
diversity
camp (for sighted teens) and there was a sexuality workshop
available
as one of several choices.  They passed around condoms and in
fact,
this was the first time I actually felt one.  A general workshop
about
sex, dating and etiquette, etc.  might be worth having.
Arielle

On 9/10/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
wrote:
 Hello,
 This would be an awesome idea! Not only because many people have
never
 seen

 a condom, so they could finger the packages with labels without
having to
 be

 embarrassed, but when I was at the hotel I didn't run into any
condoms in
 the store.  Granted I wasn't looking for them, but I was
browsing...
 Condoms,

 lube and Dental Dams, all labeled in Braille! We would also
probably need
 to

 provide guides for people on how to find the right way to put on
a condom
 or

 use a dental dam.
 Another thing I didn't see at the NABS table is hot serial.  The
packing
 guide in the nabs newsletter  said to pack a ton of things and I
for one
 don't keep hot serial in the house and I don't shop at places
that sell
 hot

 serial, so wasn't able to grab a box.  But I would have loved to
buy a box
 for even $10 or more, the breakfasts there were $10 alone...
(Then of
 course

 we could sell bole and spoon packs for the poor folks who didn't
bring
 their

 own utensil's).
 Thanks,

 Brandon Keith Biggs
 -----Original Message-----
 From: Anmol Bhatia
 Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:28 AM
 To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
 Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health


 You would be a good place to sell and buy condoms? At the NFB
 convention...

 Perhaps Nabs should sell condoms at the NABS table.  We can even
braille
 them

 so the perso can know what kind of condoms they have.  lol

 Anmol

 I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
Perhaps
 there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague,
like a breeze
 among flowers.
 Hellen Keller


 --- On Sun, 9/9/12, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
wrote:

 From: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
 Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
 To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
 <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>, "National Association of Blind Students
mailing
 list"

 <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
 Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:54 PM
 Hi, Brandon,

 I went into a place in Denver to  buy a dildo yes, on
 the bigger, ribbed side to use in the old fashioned bath tub
 I had at the time, to get myself off with the faucet.
 Traditionally, I need something in my ass, to cum.  If I
 remember, the folks in their wer very cool, look at the
 blind girl going to by herself a dildo! Don't worry! If
 you're relaxed, and cool about what you're doing so will be
 the bookstore, personnel.  Let us know how goes it,
 okay?  At 04:52 PM 9/8/2012, SA Mobile wrote:
 Those are the best places to get stuff as the staff are
 professional and are trained to make customers feel at ease.
 Just make sure the shop is of good repute.

 Respectfully,
 Jedi

 Sent from my iPhone

 On 08/09/2012, at 12:36 PM, "Brandon Keith Biggs"
 <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
 wrote:

 Hello,
 Thank goodness my father was a nurse and when I
 turned 18, he said addio to being in with me at the doctor.
 I do find it amusing though that some doctors are actually
 really uncomfortable touching me because I'm blind...  That
 only happened after my dad started leaving the room.
 Thank you Arielle for those websites.  I don't feel
 that condoms are something I want to buy from a website I've
 never heard of before unless someone I know has gotten or
 knows that site is trust worthy.
 I was told that flavored condoms were only to be
 used in oral intercourse.  The same is not for lube I
 presume?
 Also, has anyone ever gone into a sex store? How
 was it as a blind shopper? Even from sighted people I hear
 the experience is often not pleasant.
 Thanks,

 Brandon Keith Biggs
 -----Original Message----- From: Arielle
 Silverman
 Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:00 AM
 To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
 Subject: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health

 Hi all,
 I know the recent discussions about sex and dating
 are kind of in a
 gray area as to whether or not they're on-topic
 for this list, since
 most of the issues Koby brought up are not really
 unique to blindness.
 So if the moderators or Dave feel this is getting
 too far afield, I
 will happily respect your judgment.  However, I
 also think that
 Brandon's question about where to get condoms is a
 legitimate one and
 that there might be other blind people out here,
 including teenagers,
 who have similar concerns about how to get
 condoms, birth control or
 sexual health information without a lot of
 awkwardness or
 embarrassment.  It can be particularly difficult if
 you have to depend
 on someone else (especially parents) for
 transportation which can make
 going to a clinic or drugstore difficult.
 There are a few places to buy condoms online,
 including
 www.condomania.com
 www.undercovercondoms.com
 and
 www.condomdepot.com
 Believe it or not, they also have some condom
 choices at
 www.amazon.com
 If you go to your health center on campus for any
 reason, it shouldn't
 be a problem  to ask a doctor or nurse there
 about condoms.
 I cannot answer the questions about when to begin
 having sex with a
 partner because that is a highly individual
 decision.  However, I feel
 it important that anyone who is considering having
 sex for the first
 time ensure you understand what all of your
 options are for preventing
 pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, the
 advantages and
 disadvantages of each option, and the proper way
 to use condoms  and
 birth control.  There are  a couple different
 websites with this kind
 of information:
 www.plannedparenthood.org
 (includes live chat with a sexual health educator)
 or
 www.scarleteen.com
 This issue is particularly close to my heart at
 the moment because my
 boyfriend's sister just had an unintended
 pregnancy at a very
 inopportune time (while still in college, with a
 guy she had only
 known for a few months) and was apparently taking
 birth control pills,
 but had not been taking them consistently.  While I
 don't believe that
 sex  should be feared, it is something that
 takes some responsibility,
 planning and foresight to ensure it is enjoyable
 while minimizing the
 risks.  Also, while I won't go into details here,
 there are other ways
 to be physically intimate with someone that are
 less risky, which
 these online forums will talk about.
 I also want to bring up  an issue that is
 somewhat relevant to sexual
 health, which I experienced and I think that some
 of you might also be
 struggling with.  This is the issue of having your
 parents drive you to
 doctors' appointments and then having them want to
 sit in or even
 participate in your appointments.  Since I attended
 college in my home
 city, my mother always wanted to drive me to my
 doctors' appointments
 and would then want to come in and chat with the
 doctor while he/she
 was examining me.  This was partly because my
 parents and I saw many of
 the same doctors and she often thought it was a
 good opportunity to
 ask the doctor a quick question about her own
 health while she was
 there, or because she was curious to see what the
 doctor recommended
 to me about a particular issue.  I eventually
 realized that while it
 wasn't ill-intentioned, it was a violation of my
 privacy as an adult
 patient and I asked her to wait in the waiting
 room while I was seeing
 the doctor.  I didn't actually take this stand
 until I was 21 and in
 hindsight I wish I had done  it much earlier.
 By the time you are 18,
 unless you have a serious cognitive disability,
 you have a right to
 privacy of your medical information and it is
 important to establish a
 good doctor-patient relationship without a third
 person interfering.
 This is especially true when it comes to sexual
 health and by the time
 you are 18 or even 16, you will want to start
 discussing your sexual
 activities or questions with your doctors without
 your parents being
 around.  You might also want to consider getting a
 driver or even
 taking the bus to medical appointments to avoid
 this problem.
 On a related note, by the time you are in high
 school, you should know
 the names of all medications you take on  a
 regular basis and any
 chronic medical conditions you may have.  If you
 ever have to go to the
 emergency room, this kind  of information may
 be requested of you.
 Best,
 Arielle

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