[nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted societyatsocial gatherings

wmodnl wmodnl wmodnl at hotmail.com
Sat Sep 15 15:14:32 UTC 2012


Good morning all,
My message here is not exactly blindness related; however, it is on a topic we are discussing.  That is the topic of posture.  I thought of this since posture is a issue for us as blind people.
There is a study here in Boston for working with lower back pain.  I bring this up because bad back pain from surgical operations.  Many back conditions, cause one to have bad posture.  I have really bad posture since I had surgery that has caused me to stand on a slant.
The study offers treatment for one to have free PT and yoga, Reky.
Wright me off-list for more information.


Sent from my iPad

On Sep 15, 2012, at 9:42 AM, "Rania Ismail CMT" <raniaismail04 at gmail.com> wrote:

> I have issues with balance and posture so my yoga instructor is working on
> that with me. Working with a yoga instructor to correct your posture is
> another idea. I am also working on straingthening my muscles in yoga.
> Massage can also help by relaxing the muscles and improving range of motion
> so you can learn how to move and change your posture.
> Rania,
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Ashley Bramlett
> Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2012 2:47 AM
> To: Nationstrengthening my muscles in yoga as well. Even getting a massage
> Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted
> societyats.. could help ocial gatherings
> 
> Arielle,
> I think a seminar could be held without seeming like preaching.
> I said to Chris that norms differ based on the situation.
> We'd have to be careful though; we do not want participants to feel that 
> every situation is very scripted. As I said before, social gatherings, 
> particularly among young people, are relaxed and informal.
> 
> If you did such a seminar the format could be lecture based, modeling, and 
> question and answer. People could even submit questions anonymously for the 
> discussion part.
> What could be covered are standard rules of etiquette. My dad feels that 
> blind people are not as polite and in crowds are quick to shove each other 
> aside, and sadly this is partly true.
> Its not about acting like sighted people, its about being courteous and 
> blending in.
> You could talk about it briefly and role play situations. Topics like 
> manners, what to do when you greet a new person,
> how you are supposed to wait in line for many things, clothing tips, 
> nonverbal communication like gestures, and acceptable ways of fidgiting.
> Blindisms are not acceptable, but there are acceptable ways of fidgiting or 
> self stimulation that are.
> 
> We want to come across as approachable and nice people. Nonverbal 
> communication includes correct posture. I suppose if it's a chronic issue, 
> one might want to ask a doctor about it to ensure no underlying
> coordination disorder exists. You could also work with a physical theripist 
> if a muscular problem is present preventing you from having correct posture.
> 
> My guess is a lot of blind people look down as they do not have visual 
> stimulation to look up and around. Then it's a habit to be bent over at the 
> shoulders which is hard to correct. Another theory I have is that blind kids
> 
> were sheltered and kept from moving about freely; eventually, this affects 
> posture because your body adapts to a still position; muscles can shorten, 
> lose their elasticity, become stiff and disjointed.
> 
> I do pretty good with posture. But, I do struggle with eye contact. I have 
> some vision and if I try to focus for a long time, my eyes start their 
> nystagmus fit, meaning they shake involuntarily. Another thing is my parents
> 
> tell me I look like I'm staring at people; I don't mean too, but its simply 
> that I'm looking around  to see what I can.
> Another thing is while I have stopped rocking since my folks worked on that 
> as I was young, I do it occasionally. I do so involuntarily for balance 
> probably without knowing I'm doing it. So, its impossible for me to stop 
> rocking totally; I simply cannot control a behavior I do not realize I'm 
> doing. If I concentrate on walking upright and still, I won't do it. But I 
> won't do this most of the time; I simply have too much to think about rather
> 
> than asking myself, am I walking straight, walking upright, and is my head 
> still.
> 
> 
> I think its important for us to find out about norms and find out where to 
> find such information. The seminar should include that. Online resources 
> about fashion trends and etiquette is an idea; asking people around us is 
> another, and
> finally magazines would be another. I also wonder if there are existing 
> videos either for the public, or for us specifically, on this. Maybe AFB or 
> APH would have something, or maybe a video with good descriptions exists for
> 
> the general audience. I don't know.
> 
> Speaking of nonverbal communication, I'd really like to learn gestures. 
> Someday, if I take public speaking, I'm going to ask the teacher to teach me
> 
> this.
> 
> Ashley
> 
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Arielle Silverman
> Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2012 12:26 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted societyat
> 
> social gatherings
> 
> Hi all,
> I think it is absolutely critical to point out that "sighted society"
> is not a uniform group of people who all share identical norms,
> attitudes and actions. If it were, there would be no wars, no
> religious or political differences, no unique languages, cultures,
> customs, etc. Rather, "society" as a whole is divided into many
> subgroups that all carry different norms. A few norms, like not
> killing other people, are near-universal, but most customs relating to
> dress, mannerisms, speech, nonverbal communication, etc. differ
> between cultures and sometimes between subgroups within a culture
> (i.e. people dress differently in San Francisco  than they do in
> Washington, D.C. and college students dress differently from lawyers
> etc.) It is impossible to teach blind people a universal set of
> nonverbal behaviors to adopt even if we wanted to. And, I believe that
> blind people should have just as much right as sighted people to make
> informed choices about what kinds of norms to follow or not follow,
> just as women can choose whether to be stay-at-home mothers or to work
> even if being a working woman is not yet "the norm". Of course, there
> are consequences for failing to "blend in"  and look like everybody
> else, but sometimes there are things to be gained by doing this, or
> "blending in" is simply too difficult. As responsible adults we need
> to weigh the costs and benefits of following the norms for specific
> situations. For example, if I am interviewing for a job, it is
> probably to my advantage to purchase and wear a suit. However, if I am
> doing something less high-stakes, and money is tight, I can probably
> get away with just wearing some nice slacks or a dress, even if most
> of the other people there are wearing suits.
> I do think it is useful to give blind students information about how
> they can learn about the norms present in their particular culture,
> i.e. how to learn about the dress code for a new job, where to read
> about current fashions, etc. It is also good to provide a forum for
> students to ask questions if they wish to learn more about how to
> blend in in specific situations. However, I do not think that
> preaching to blind students about the importance of blending in does
> much good. The consequences of not blending in are self-evident, and
> again, blind students are responsible young adults who need to come to
> these decisions for ourselves.
> Finally, I need to once again speak up on behalf of those blind folks
> who are labeled "weird" or "socially unskilled" by blind and sighted
> alike. As a community of blind people with common experiences, we need
> to stop passing judgment or trying to give these folks social
> makeovers, and instead acknowledge that all of us are human beings
> with different levels of skill and ability in different areas. I
> always find myself advocating for this often-misunderstood subset of
> the blind community because in some ways I am part of that group. I
> spent much of my childhood being labeled as socially inadequate,
> struggled with a few different "blindisms" and today still deal with
> lifelong gait and posture issues, and challenges with attempting eye
> contact. Because of these things some may say I look more "blind" than
> the average successful blind person, yet I am a successful graduate
> student, financially self-sufficient and in a committed relationship.
> In my own case I am very very aware of the importance of blending in
> and of how "different" I look at times, because this was emphasized to
> me over and over again as a child. My issues are complicated and I
> have still not determined if the problems I have with posture and
> balance are due to an over-protective home environment when I was
> learning to walk, an as-yet-undiagnosed balance/coordination
> impairment, or both. My problem with eye contact is related to the
> fact my vision is such that I feel like I am looking at someone's face
> when I am actually looking slightly down (and if I actually look up
> toward their face I see nothing). I can correct for this but it takes
> a ton of effort and focus for me to do so, so most of the time I end
> up looking down at someone instead of up at them even though I have
> been told hundreds of times how important it is  to attempt eye
> contact. Some others in our community have additional disabilities or
> mental conditions that make "blending in" by our definition
> practically impossible, yet these folks still have a lot to offer in
> their own way. My point is that so-called social skill deficits like
> these are often due to a lot more than just not knowing any better or
> being mentally deficient. It is important to recognize that all
> members of our community have strengths and abilities of their own,
> even if they seem weak or deficient or even "weird" to us, and we
> should do what we can to empower these people instead of using them as
> examples of what's wrong with our community as a whole. I hope that
> made some sense.
> Best,
> Arielle
> 
> On 9/14/12, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I've tried to avoid getting into this thread, but here goes:
>> 1. Blind people acting like sighted people scares the crap out of
>> me because it just does for some reason.
>> 2. Girls' conformity rules are terrible: for instance, girls
>> shouldn't be scientists.  What does that statement say about us
>> girls?  Girls should be married to men with decent jobs.  No, I
>> will not marry a man with any job so I can be taken care of, and
>> this isn't the friggin' 1800's.  Girls and women can take care of
>> themselves, and they can work and support families.  Jason, my
>> current bf, does not work and can't do what society says, be a
>> man and work and get paid for the woman.  Some societies demand
>> that all men work and women stay home.  We, Americans though we
>> are, still have these demands on blind women.  I as a blind woman
>> cannot accept conformity or defeat due to womanhood.  Since Jason
>> can't work and follow society's rules of manhood, it's up to me
>> to do it.  Girls should not always do typing, nursing, or
>> different "womanly" professions where they get paid less than
>> ordinary men.  Jason, due to his disability, does not work.  I,
>> due to mental illness, may never work.  I want to work so bad,
>> but where?  Goodwill is out of the question.  I'm not working for
>> nothing or low wages because I'm a woman.  And no way will I
>> accept sexual harassment because I have breasts and different
>> organs inside me.  I as a blind woman will not accept rules
>> saying "You will be taken care of.  You will be a stay-at-home
>> wife.  You will be poor."  No way.
>> Beth
>> 
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Marc Workman <mworkman.lists at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:37:00 -0600
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>> sighted societyat social gatherings
>> 
>> Chris wrote,
>> Therefore, it is important that we know the unwritten rules which
>> our sighted society has made.  If we don't know them and follow
>> them, what does that say about us as blind people? It says we are
>> weird, different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.
>> 
>> Alternatively, perhaps it says that those rules are not natural,
>> that they are the product of sighted people simply aping one
>> another, and that they are arbitrary. I believe that such
>> unwritten rules often needlessly cause huge amounts of anxiety,
>> self-loathing, and anguish.
>> 
>> We had a similar discussion on this list some time ago,
>> particularly around the subject of so called "blindisms, and I
>> put that term in quotes as a way of acknowledging that it is
>> pejorative. I'm sure it could be found on line by anyone who is
>> interested.
>> 
>> Personally, I would rather live in a world where blind people are
>> accepted and respected not simply to the extent that they can
>> look and act like sighted people, but on the grounds that they
>> are human beings possessing dignity and as equally worthy of
>> respect as sighted people. The message shouldn't be, "hey, we can
>> follow your rules, so you should accept us". Instead, the message
>> should be, "we, like you, have many talents and weaknesses, feel
>> pleasure and pain, reach our full potential through the formation
>> of deep and meaningful relationships with other human beings, and
>> your failure to treat us with respect and as equals is unfair,
>> discriminatory, and immoral", to borrow from Mr. Lewis.
>> 
>> By the way, I think this goes well beyond blind people fitting
>> into sighted society. We are constantly policing one another's
>> behaviour. Probably one of the more obvious examples of this has
>> to do with gender. There are hundreds if not thousands of mostly
>> unspoken rules about what makes a man a man and how real men
>> ought to behave, and there are twice as many concerning women.
>> These rules are enforced in subtle but effective ways, and the
>> result is often a great deal of suffering for anyone who cannot,
>> or chooses not to, conform. These gender rules are just as
>> arbitrary as those around sighted/blind behaviour, and the effort
>> similarly should be to relax and remove such rules, not to more
>> explicitly and fervently teach boys and girls the so called right
>> way to act.
>> 
>> This is of course easier said than done, and failing to conform
>> does unfortunately often result in suffering, such as missed
>> social, volunteer, and employment opportunities. So I don't judge
>> or condemn anyone who makes a serious effort to learn the
>> unwritten rules of sighted society, just as I don't judge someone
>> who wants to spend all of his or her time reading medical
>> journals and desperately praying for a cure. It's hard being
>> blind in the particular society in which we live, and conforming
>> can make things a little bit easier. But I still think we should
>> work more on changing attitudes and less on teaching blind people
>> how to look and act like sighted people.
>> 
>> Regards,
>> 
>> Marc
>> On 2012-09-14, at 3:04 PM, Chris Nusbaum
>> <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
>> 
>> Hi Brandon and all,
>> 
>> I'm taking the liberty here to change the subject of this
>> thread, as if we're going to discuss the topic which Brandon has
>> brought up in his post, I think it would prevent confusion if we
>> changed the subject to reflect the actual topic of Brandon's
>> message.
>> 
>> Brandon, your idea about the NFB conducting some kind of
>> instructional seminar or workshop on social norms and how we can
>> "fit in" with the sighted public is a great one! I think you
>> should talk with the NFB leadership about this! I believe NOPBC
>> (the parents division) has touched on this topic in their
>> seminars at conventions.  One of the topics at the parents
>> seminar at the Maryland state convention is almost always social
>> skills, especially what sighted society has deemed socially
>> acceptable and how we as blind people can fit in at social
>> gatherings, conforming as best we can to the "norms" of society.
>> I believe this is arguably more important for blind students, as
>> we are often in social gatherings (or want to be in them) at our
>> schools, with our friends, or in our communities.  Therefore, it
>> is important  that we know the unwritten rules which our sighted
>> society has made.  If we don't know them and follow them, what
>> does that say about us as blind people? It says we are weird,
>> different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.  These are the
>> very adjectives we in the Federation have been working to cut out
>> from the vocabulary of the public when in the context of
>> blindness and blind people.  In other words, these are the very
>> things we don't want sighted people thinking about us.  If this
>> is how sighted people perceive us, then it puts our ability to
>> get a job, volunteer in our community, and become first-class
>> citizens at risk.  So, I think this would be a great thing for
>> the NFB to do, and one which I'm kind of surprised we're not
>> doing already.  Also, since this is an important topic for blind
>> students, perhaps "social skills and norms" could be the topic of
>> a future NABS membership call.
>> 
>> Just my thoughts,
>> 
>> Chris
>> 
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:15:16 -0700
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>> 
>> Hello,
>> We aren't promoting sex among students, we are promoting safe
>> sex.  There is
>> a huge difference.  If the student division is the only one with
>> some
>> practical sense about sexual activities, I'm a little scared...
>> :)
>> I do agree though, sex, dating and excepted socializing among a
>> sighted
>> community is a very big topic that is often times ignored by the
>> blind
>> community.
>> I have been told by sighted TVIs that many blind folks (youth or
>> not) have
>> some very strange mannerisms and beliefs that are totally
>> against the grain
>> of sighted society.  My mom in particular, who is a TVI, has
>> suggested that
>> the NFB should really give some instruction on how the sighted
>> world thinks.
>> Otherwise what will happen (and what has happened) is the world
>> looks at a
>> gathering of blind people and cringes because they are so weird.
>> or a
>> sighted girl sees a blind guy and thinks she wants to talk to
>> him and when
>> she is about to sit down and say hi, the guy does something
>> really weird and
>> she turns around and walks a mile away.
>> This is a little different than the deal with the condoms, but
>> both sexual
>> health and social issues are topics that are very much in need
>> of attention
>> among blind individuals, and students in particular.
>> I feel strongly that having some active workshops on this that
>> aren't meant
>> to be uncomfortable, but still deal with the taboo problems
>> would greatly
>> improve convention.
>> Thank you,
>> 
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Arielle Silverman
>> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:18 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>> 
>> Hi all,
>> I have joked in the past about how NABS should sell Brailled
>> Whozit
>> condoms at convention! Kidding aside, though, there are probably
>> some
>> NFB leaders with more conservative leanings, who might feel that
>> NABS
>> selling condoms at convention would be promoting sexual activity
>> among
>> young or unmarried blind students.  I don't agree with that
>> position,
>> but some people do and since anything NABS does is, by
>> extension, an
>> NFB-sanctioned event, we would need to balance the benefits of
>> providing condoms against possibly upsetting the NFB leadership
>> or
>> bringing on an unwanted political debate.
>> I would be more likely to support a NABS breakout session, at
>> Washington Seminar or elsewhere, about sexuality in general, and
>> perhaps include an opportunity to try putting a condom on the
>> proverbial banana or some such.  When I was 15, I went to a
>> diversity
>> camp (for sighted teens) and there was a sexuality workshop
>> available
>> as one of several choices.  They passed around condoms and in
>> fact,
>> this was the first time I actually felt one.  A general workshop
>> about
>> sex, dating and etiquette, etc.  might be worth having.
>> Arielle
>> 
>> On 9/10/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>> Hello,
>> This would be an awesome idea! Not only because many people have
>> never
>> seen
>> 
>> a condom, so they could finger the packages with labels without
>> having to
>> be
>> 
>> embarrassed, but when I was at the hotel I didn't run into any
>> condoms in
>> the store.  Granted I wasn't looking for them, but I was
>> browsing...
>> Condoms,
>> 
>> lube and Dental Dams, all labeled in Braille! We would also
>> probably need
>> to
>> 
>> provide guides for people on how to find the right way to put on
>> a condom
>> or
>> 
>> use a dental dam.
>> Another thing I didn't see at the NABS table is hot serial.  The
>> packing
>> guide in the nabs newsletter  said to pack a ton of things and I
>> for one
>> don't keep hot serial in the house and I don't shop at places
>> that sell
>> hot
>> 
>> serial, so wasn't able to grab a box.  But I would have loved to
>> buy a box
>> for even $10 or more, the breakfasts there were $10 alone...
>> (Then of
>> course
>> 
>> we could sell bole and spoon packs for the poor folks who didn't
>> bring
>> their
>> 
>> own utensil's).
>> Thanks,
>> 
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Anmol Bhatia
>> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:28 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>> 
>> 
>> You would be a good place to sell and buy condoms? At the NFB
>> convention...
>> 
>> Perhaps Nabs should sell condoms at the NABS table.  We can even
>> braille
>> them
>> 
>> so the perso can know what kind of condoms they have.  lol
>> 
>> Anmol
>> 
>> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad.
>> Perhaps
>> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague,
>> like a breeze
>> among flowers.
>> Hellen Keller
>> 
>> 
>> --- On Sun, 9/9/12, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net>
>> wrote:
>> 
>> From: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>, "National Association of Blind Students
>> mailing
>> list"
>> 
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:54 PM
>> Hi, Brandon,
>> 
>> I went into a place in Denver to  buy a dildo yes, on
>> the bigger, ribbed side to use in the old fashioned bath tub
>> I had at the time, to get myself off with the faucet.
>> Traditionally, I need something in my ass, to cum.  If I
>> remember, the folks in their wer very cool, look at the
>> blind girl going to by herself a dildo! Don't worry! If
>> you're relaxed, and cool about what you're doing so will be
>> the bookstore, personnel.  Let us know how goes it,
>> okay?  At 04:52 PM 9/8/2012, SA Mobile wrote:
>> Those are the best places to get stuff as the staff are
>> professional and are trained to make customers feel at ease.
>> Just make sure the shop is of good repute.
>> 
>> Respectfully,
>> Jedi
>> 
>> Sent from my iPhone
>> 
>> On 08/09/2012, at 12:36 PM, "Brandon Keith Biggs"
>> <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>> wrote:
>> 
>> Hello,
>> Thank goodness my father was a nurse and when I
>> turned 18, he said addio to being in with me at the doctor.
>> I do find it amusing though that some doctors are actually
>> really uncomfortable touching me because I'm blind...  That
>> only happened after my dad started leaving the room.
>> Thank you Arielle for those websites.  I don't feel
>> that condoms are something I want to buy from a website I've
>> never heard of before unless someone I know has gotten or
>> knows that site is trust worthy.
>> I was told that flavored condoms were only to be
>> used in oral intercourse.  The same is not for lube I
>> presume?
>> Also, has anyone ever gone into a sex store? How
>> was it as a blind shopper? Even from sighted people I hear
>> the experience is often not pleasant.
>> Thanks,
>> 
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message----- From: Arielle
>> Silverman
>> Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:00 AM
>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>> 
>> Hi all,
>> I know the recent discussions about sex and dating
>> are kind of in a
>> gray area as to whether or not they're on-topic
>> for this list, since
>> most of the issues Koby brought up are not really
>> unique to blindness.
>> So if the moderators or Dave feel this is getting
>> too far afield, I
>> will happily respect your judgment.  However, I
>> also think that
>> Brandon's question about where to get condoms is a
>> legitimate one and
>> that there might be other blind people out here,
>> including teenagers,
>> who have similar concerns about how to get
>> condoms, birth control or
>> sexual health information without a lot of
>> awkwardness or
>> embarrassment.  It can be particularly difficult if
>> you have to depend
>> on someone else (especially parents) for
>> transportation which can make
>> going to a clinic or drugstore difficult.
>> There are a few places to buy condoms online,
>> including
>> www.condomania.com
>> www.undercovercondoms.com
>> and
>> www.condomdepot.com
>> Believe it or not, they also have some condom
>> choices at
>> www.amazon.com
>> If you go to your health center on campus for any
>> reason, it shouldn't
>> be a problem  to ask a doctor or nurse there
>> about condoms.
>> I cannot answer the questions about when to begin
>> having sex with a
>> partner because that is a highly individual
>> decision.  However, I feel
>> it important that anyone who is considering having
>> sex for the first
>> time ensure you understand what all of your
>> options are for preventing
>> pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, the
>> advantages and
>> disadvantages of each option, and the proper way
>> to use condoms  and
>> birth control.  There are  a couple different
>> websites with this kind
>> of information:
>> www.plannedparenthood.org
>> (includes live chat with a sexual health educator)
>> or
>> www.scarleteen.com
>> This issue is particularly close to my heart at
>> the moment because my
>> boyfriend's sister just had an unintended
>> pregnancy at a very
>> inopportune time (while still in college, with a
>> guy she had only
>> known for a few months) and was apparently taking
>> birth control pills,
>> but had not been taking them consistently.  While I
>> don't believe that
>> sex  should be feared, it is something that
>> takes some responsibility,
>> planning and foresight to ensure it is enjoyable
>> while minimizing the
>> risks.  Also, while I won't go into details here,
>> there are other ways
>> to be physically intimate with someone that are
>> less risky, which
>> these online forums will talk about.
>> I also want to bring up  an issue that is
>> somewhat relevant to sexual
>> health, which I experienced and I think that some
>> of you might also be
>> struggling with.  This is the issue of having your
>> parents drive you to
>> doctors' appointments and then having them want to
>> sit in or even
>> participate in your appointments.  Since I attended
>> college in my home
>> city, my mother always wanted to drive me to my
>> doctors' appointments
>> and would then want to come in and chat with the
>> doctor while he/she
>> was examining me.  This was partly because my
>> parents and I saw many of
>> the same doctors and she often thought it was a
>> good opportunity to
>> ask the doctor a quick question about her own
>> health while she was
>> there, or because she was curious to see what the
>> doctor recommended
>> to me about a particular issue.  I eventually
>> realized that while it
>> wasn't ill-intentioned, it was a violation of my
>> privacy as an adult
>> patient and I asked her to wait in the waiting
>> room while I was seeing
>> the doctor.  I didn't actually take this stand
>> until I was 21 and in
>> hindsight I wish I had done  it much earlier.
>> By the time you are 18,
>> unless you have a serious cognitive disability,
>> you have a right to
>> privacy of your medical information and it is
>> important to establish a
>> good doctor-patient relationship without a third
>> person interfering.
>> This is especially true when it comes to sexual
>> health and by the time
>> you are 18 or even 16, you will want to start
>> discussing your sexual
>> activities or questions with your doctors without
>> your parents being
>> around.  You might also want to consider getting a
>> driver or even
>> taking the bus to medical appointments to avoid
>> this problem.
>> On a related note, by the time you are in high
>> school, you should know
>> the names of all medications you take on  a
>> regular basis and any
>> chronic medical conditions you may have.  If you
>> ever have to go to the
>> emergency room, this kind  of information may
>> be requested of you.
>> Best,
>> Arielle
>> 
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