[nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings

Brandon Keith Biggs brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
Thu Sep 20 16:41:04 UTC 2012


I just laugh and say I do both just like everyone.
But I always say I saw.
If they give me flack I ask innocently:
When you babysit are you sitting like a baby or sitting on the baby? When 
you are touched by someone's speech did they really lay your hands on you?
Saw, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, all the same thing. :)
Thanks,

Brandon Keith Biggs
-----Original Message----- 
From: Steve Jacobson
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2012 6:53 AM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with 
sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings

Okay, so if I have a TV show on but it is running through my stereo with no 
TV screen, am I watching it or am I listening to it.
I got into kind of an argument with a sighted co-worker once when I told him 
what I had watched on TV and he felt strongly that
for me to say I was watching TV was not accurate.  He actually saw it as me 
sort of pretending inasmuch as I did not watch it.
The upshot is that we are going to be measured more broadly than that.

Best regards,

Steve


On Thu, 20 Sep 2012 00:00:21 -0400, Desiree Oudinot wrote:

>Listening to TV, huh? Could this not be a lesson in precisely what
>we're discussing here? If we want to fit into the sighted world, we'd
>do well to say we're watching TV or a movie like everyone else. I hate
>it when someone gets all flustered and up in arms when they can't
>think of a politically correct way to ask us blind folks what shows we
>like, or worse yet, if we can enjoy the cinema at all. you're not
>helping by spurring that misconception on.

>On 9/19/12, Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hello everyone, my name is Sarah.  I am bj years old.  I just
>> graduated a program called D.P.I.  Davidson Program For
>> Independence.  I had to go there because Guide Dogs Of the Desert
>> said I had to go.  So I graduated from there, tomorrow I go get
>> my first guide dog! My interests are rides, reading, listening to
>> tv, dogs and horses
>>
>>  ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Wed, 19 Sep 2012 13:48:32 -0700
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>> sighted societyatsocial gatherings
>>
>> Hello,
>> There are quite a few ideas that are universal through out
>> cultures.
>> For example, it is never socially acceptable to sway in
>> conversation.  It is
>> only acceptable to rock back and forth mildly when playing guitar
>> or more
>> heavily when one is studying the old testament as a Jew.
>> Otherwise chin up, strait and relaxed stillness for the torso
>> almost always.
>>
>> Also, facial expressions are almost constant through out all
>> cultures.  A
>> smile is always happy, big eyes are innocents or raised eyebrows,
>> big eyes
>> with mouth a little open is startled or scared.
>> Beckoning is also a very universal gesture with the fist out in
>> front facing
>> up with the index finger moving up and down like the person is a
>> balloon and
>> the string is on your finger...
>>
>> Fit me in or something along that lines is more inclusive because
>> it means
>> one can ask about fitting in to their theater group, dance teem,
>> glee club,
>> getting in a relationship, dating...
>>
>> I am not sure how people are expecting to fit into a sighted
>> world without
>> some sighted help.
>> Although I am guessing that the way the list will pan out is more
>> blind
>> people asking questions and both blind people and a few TVIs or
>> parents will
>> help.  I am on a couple lists with quite a few sighted people and
>> with
>> questions like this they are invaluable...
>> Who knew that hugging yourself with your hands in a fist over
>> your heart, as
>> if you were trying to keep warm, actually looks like you are
>> terrified of
>> something?
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Arielle Silverman
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 12:24 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>> sighted societyat
>> social gatherings
>>
>> Hi all,
>> Sorry to be difficult but I am not willing to join a listserv
>> called
>> "Being  Socially Acceptable Blind" or "Looking Sighted".  Both
>> names
>> imply that all sighted people look and act the same  or that
>> there is
>> only one way to be socially  acceptable; these are notions that,
>> frankly, I believe are offensive to blind and sighted people
>> both.
>> I believe such a listserv should be intended to be a
>> nonjudgmental
>> forum where blind folks can ask questions or share frustrations
>> and
>> get supportive answers from blind peers and blind mentors, not a
>> place
>> where subscribers are told they must look and act a certain way.
>> Also,
>> while we might let TVI's join if they want, I think the vast
>> majority
>> of the subscribers should be blind people and we should keep
>> teachers
>> and authority figures to a minimum.
>> I'd support a  name like "blind-fitting in", "blind-social" or
>> "blind-dating" perhaps.
>> If the group is created with a tolerant, non-judgmental name I'd
>> be
>> happy to help out with it.
>>
>>
>> On 9/19/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>  Names:
>>  See me blind (SEM at blah.whatever)
>>  Being Socially acceptable blind (SEB)
>>  Looking Sighted (LS or LSighted)
>>  talk sightless (TSightless)
>>
>>  Just some names...
>>  Thanks,
>>
>>  Brandon Keith Biggs
>>  -----Original Message-----
>>  From: Desiree Oudinot
>>  Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 10:48 AM
>>  To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>> sighted
>>  societyat
>>
>>  social gatherings
>>
>>  That's actually a pretty good idea for a name.  That was the
>> only thing
>>  holding me back from creating a group, the fact I couldn't
>> really
>>  think of a name for it.  As for making a website, that would be
>> a cool
>>  idea too, but I don't know html or anything, so I decided not to
>> go
>>  that route.
>>  Where I was going when I was talking about the different student
>>  divisions was that I don't want it to become a point of
>> contension on
>>  the list.  I don't want people going to war over which
>> organization's
>>  philosophy prepares people to deal with social and dating
>> situations
>>  better.  It's fine for people to be part of whatever they so
>> choose,
>>  but I absolutely will not tolerate stereotypes about either one.
>> I
>>  want it to be a safe place where people can feel open enough to
>>  discuss such uncomfortable and embarrassing topics as their
>> social
>>  awkwardness.  If someone starts saying that joining the NFB
>> would help
>>  them be more independent, or that the ACB is crap, well, what
>> will
>>  that solve? I'm not a member of either, nor do I ever intend on
>> doing
>>  so, so I feel that I could nip this stuff in the bud if it would
>>  happen, and I'm not even saying it necessarily would become a
>> problem,
>>  it's just something to consider.
>>
>>  On 9/19/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>  Hello,
>>  Frankly I don't know what the difference between the ACB's
>> student and
>>  NFB's
>>
>>  student division is.  We are all dealing with exactly the same
>> things.  So
>>  I
>>  really believe we should get our sighted parents, friends and
>> whatnot to
>>  be
>>
>>  on the list to answer questions we may have.  Many TVIs would
>> jump at the
>>  chance to be on a list serve devoted to socializing.
>>  Just make a group, possibly:
>>  bseb at googlegroups.com or something :).  Being socially
>> acceptable blind or
>>
>>  a
>>
>>  cooler name LOL...  Any ideas?
>>  I even think this should have a website with different articles
>> that
>>  someone
>>
>>  can brows to answer any personal questions they may have.
>> Because this is
>>  such a big issue.
>>  Thanks,
>>
>>  Brandon Keith Biggs
>>  -----Original Message-----
>>  From: Desiree Oudinot
>>  Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 9:29 PM
>>  To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>> sighted
>>  societyat
>>
>>  social gatherings
>>
>>  And this is precisely why I wanted to create a separate list to
>>  discuss these kinds of issues and more.  And, at the risk of
>> offending
>>  people, I wanted it to be a separate list, separate from the NFB
>> or
>>  ACB, I wanted it to be the place for every blind person, no
>> matter
>>  their political or social status or whatever, to discuss how
>> they fit
>>  in with society.  Why does it offend you that blind people,
>> whether
>>  they be men or women, should try to do their best to interact as
>>  sighted people do? Are there really specific guidelines we have
>> to
>>  follow? I really want to understand this.  I know as well as
>> anyone
>>  what struggles we have to go through growing up just to be
>> treated
>>  like human beings.  First, we're blind people, then we're young,
>> and
>>  the stereotypes surrounding young people of our generation are
>> just as
>>  crippling as those surrounding being blind.  So being dealt both
>> as our
>>  hand in life is kind of a double whammy.  I still struggle when
>> someone
>>  actually treats me as an equal.  I want to run away.
>>
>>  On 9/14/12, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
>>  I've tried to avoid getting into this thread, but here goes:
>>  1.  Blind people acting like sighted people scares the crap out
>> of
>>  me because it just does for some reason.
>>  2.  Girls' conformity rules are terrible: for instance, girls
>>  shouldn't be scientists.  What does that statement say about us
>>  girls?  Girls should be married to men with decent jobs.  No, I
>>  will not marry a man with any job so I can be taken care of, and
>>  this isn't the friggin' 1800's.  Girls and women can take care
>> of
>>  themselves, and they can work and support families.  Jason, my
>>  current bf, does not work and can't do what society says, be a
>>  man and work and get paid for the woman.  Some societies demand
>>  that all men work and women stay home.  We, Americans though we
>>  are, still have these demands on blind women.  I as a blind
>> woman
>>  cannot accept conformity or defeat due to womanhood.  Since
>> Jason
>>  can't work and follow society's rules of manhood, it's up to me
>>  to do it.  Girls should not always do typing, nursing, or
>>  different "womanly" professions where they get paid less than
>>  ordinary men.  Jason, due to his disability, does not work.  I,
>>  due to mental illness, may never work.  I want to work so bad,
>>  but where?  Goodwill is out of the question.  I'm not working
>> for
>>  nothing or low wages because I'm a woman.  And no way will I
>>  accept sexual harassment because I have breasts and different
>>  organs inside me.  I as a blind woman will not accept rules
>>  saying "You will be taken care of.  You will be a stay-at-home
>>  wife.  You will be poor."  No way.
>>  Beth
>>
>>   ----- Original Message -----
>>  From: Marc Workman <mworkman.lists at gmail.com
>>  To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>  <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>  Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:37:00 -0600
>>  Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>>  sighted societyat social gatherings
>>
>>  Chris wrote,
>>  Therefore, it is important that we know the unwritten rules
>> which
>>  our sighted society has made.  If we don't know them and follow
>>  them, what does that say about us as blind people? It says we
>> are
>>  weird, different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.
>>
>>  Alternatively, perhaps it says that those rules are not natural,
>>  that they are the product of sighted people simply aping one
>>  another, and that they are arbitrary.  I believe that such
>>  unwritten rules often needlessly cause huge amounts of anxiety,
>>  self-loathing, and anguish.
>>
>>  We had a similar discussion on this list some time ago,
>>  particularly around the subject of so called "blindisms, and I
>>  put that term in quotes as a way of acknowledging that it is
>>  pejorative.  I'm sure it could be found on line by anyone who is
>>  interested.
>>
>>  Personally, I would rather live in a world where blind people
>> are
>>  accepted and respected not simply to the extent that they can
>>  look and act like sighted people, but on the grounds that they
>>  are human beings possessing dignity and as equally worthy of
>>  respect as sighted people.  The message shouldn't be, "hey, we
>> can
>>  follow your rules, so you should accept us".  Instead, the
>> message
>>  should be, "we, like you, have many talents and weaknesses, feel
>>  pleasure and pain, reach our full potential through the
>> formation
>>  of deep and meaningful relationships with other human beings,
>> and
>>  your failure to treat us with respect and as equals is unfair,
>>  discriminatory, and immoral", to borrow from Mr.  Lewis.
>>
>>  By the way, I think this goes well beyond blind people fitting
>>  into sighted society.  We are constantly policing one another's
>>  behaviour.  Probably one of the more obvious examples of this
>> has
>>  to do with gender.  There are hundreds if not thousands of
>> mostly
>>  unspoken rules about what makes a man a man and how real men
>>  ought to behave, and there are twice as many concerning women.
>>  These rules are enforced in subtle but effective ways, and the
>>  result is often a great deal of suffering for anyone who cannot,
>>  or chooses not to, conform.  These gender rules are just as
>>  arbitrary as those around sighted/blind behaviour, and the
>> effort
>>  similarly should be to relax and remove such rules, not to more
>>  explicitly and fervently teach boys and girls the so called
>> right
>>  way to act.
>>
>>  This is of course easier said than done, and failing to conform
>>  does unfortunately often result in suffering, such as missed
>>  social, volunteer, and employment opportunities.  So I don't
>> judge
>>  or condemn anyone who makes a serious effort to learn the
>>  unwritten rules of sighted society, just as I don't judge
>> someone
>>  who wants to spend all of his or her time reading medical
>>  journals and desperately praying for a cure.  It's hard being
>>  blind in the particular society in which we live, and conforming
>>  can make things a little bit easier.  But I still think we
>> should
>>  work more on changing attitudes and less on teaching blind
>> people
>>  how to look and act like sighted people.
>>
>>  Regards,
>>
>>  Marc
>>  On 2012-09-14, at 3:04 PM, Chris Nusbaum
>>  <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>   Hi Brandon and all,
>>
>>   I'm taking the liberty here to change the subject of this
>>  thread, as if we're going to discuss the topic which Brandon has
>>  brought up in his post, I think it would prevent confusion if we
>>  changed the subject to reflect the actual topic of Brandon's
>>  message.
>>
>>   Brandon, your idea about the NFB conducting some kind of
>>  instructional seminar or workshop on social norms and how we can
>>  "fit in" with the sighted public is a great one! I think you
>>  should talk with the NFB leadership about this! I believe NOPBC
>>  (the parents division) has touched on this topic in their
>>  seminars at conventions.  One of the topics at the parents
>>  seminar at the Maryland state convention is almost always social
>>  skills, especially what sighted society has deemed socially
>>  acceptable and how we as blind people can fit in at social
>>  gatherings, conforming as best we can to the "norms" of society.
>>  I believe this is arguably more important for blind students, as
>>  we are often in social gatherings (or want to be in them) at our
>>  schools, with our friends, or in our communities.  Therefore, it
>>  is important  that we know the unwritten rules which our sighted
>>  society has made.  If we don't know them and follow them, what
>>  does that say about us as blind people? It says we are weird,
>>  different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.  These are the
>>  very adjectives we in the Federation have been working to cut
>> out
>>  from the vocabulary of the public when in the context of
>>  blindness and blind people.  In other words, these are the very
>>  things we don't want sighted people thinking about us.  If this
>>  is how sighted people perceive us, then it puts our ability to
>>  get a job, volunteer in our community, and become first-class
>>  citizens at risk.  So, I think this would be a great thing for
>>  the NFB to do, and one which I'm kind of surprised we're not
>>  doing already.  Also, since this is an important topic for blind
>>  students, perhaps "social skills and norms" could be the topic
>> of
>>  a future NABS membership call.
>>
>>   Just my thoughts,
>>
>>   Chris
>>
>>   ----- Original Message -----
>>   From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>>   To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>>  <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>   Date sent: Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:15:16 -0700
>>   Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>>   Hello,
>>   We aren't promoting sex among students, we are promoting safe
>>  sex.  There is
>>   a huge difference.  If the student division is the only one
>> with
>>  some
>>   practical sense about sexual activities, I'm a little scared...
>>  :)
>>   I do agree though, sex, dating and excepted socializing among a
>>  sighted
>>   community is a very big topic that is often times ignored by
>> the
>>  blind
>>   community.
>>   I have been told by sighted TVIs that many blind folks (youth
>> or
>>  not) have
>>   some very strange mannerisms and beliefs that are totally
>>  against the grain
>>   of sighted society.  My mom in particular, who is a TVI, has
>>  suggested that
>>   the NFB should really give some instruction on how the sighted
>>  world thinks.
>>   Otherwise what will happen (and what has happened) is the world
>>  looks at a
>>   gathering of blind people and cringes because they are so
>> weird.
>>  or a
>>   sighted girl sees a blind guy and thinks she wants to talk to
>>  him and when
>>   she is about to sit down and say hi, the guy does something
>>  really weird and
>>   she turns around and walks a mile away.
>>   This is a little different than the deal with the condoms, but
>>  both sexual
>>   health and social issues are topics that are very much in need
>>  of attention
>>   among blind individuals, and students in particular.
>>   I feel strongly that having some active workshops on this that
>>  aren't meant
>>   to be uncomfortable, but still deal with the taboo problems
>>  would greatly
>>   improve convention.
>>   Thank you,
>>
>>   Brandon Keith Biggs
>>   -----Original Message-----
>>   From: Arielle Silverman
>>   Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:18 PM
>>   To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>   Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>>   Hi all,
>>   I have joked in the past about how NABS should sell Brailled
>>  Whozit
>>   condoms at convention! Kidding aside, though, there are
>> probably
>>  some
>>   NFB leaders with more conservative leanings, who might feel
>> that
>>  NABS
>>   selling condoms at convention would be promoting sexual
>> activity
>>  among
>>   young or unmarried blind students.  I don't agree with that
>>  position,
>>   but some people do and since anything NABS does is, by
>>  extension, an
>>   NFB-sanctioned event, we would need to balance the benefits of
>>   providing condoms against possibly upsetting the NFB leadership
>>  or
>>   bringing on an unwanted political debate.
>>   I would be more likely to support a NABS breakout session, at
>>   Washington Seminar or elsewhere, about sexuality in general,
>> and
>>   perhaps include an opportunity to try putting a condom on the
>>   proverbial banana or some such.  When I was 15, I went to a
>>  diversity
>>   camp (for sighted teens) and there was a sexuality workshop
>>  available
>>   as one of several choices.  They passed around condoms and in
>>  fact,
>>   this was the first time I actually felt one.  A general
>> workshop
>>  about
>>   sex, dating and etiquette, etc.  might be worth having.
>>   Arielle
>>
>>   On 9/10/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>>  wrote:
>>   Hello,
>>   This would be an awesome idea! Not only because many people
>> have
>>  never
>>   seen
>>
>>   a condom, so they could finger the packages with labels without
>>  having to
>>   be
>>
>>   embarrassed, but when I was at the hotel I didn't run into any
>>  condoms in
>>   the store.  Granted I wasn't looking for them, but I was
>>  browsing...
>>   Condoms,
>>
>>   lube and Dental Dams, all labeled in Braille! We would also
>>  probably need
>>   to
>>
>>   provide guides for people on how to find the right way to put
>> on
>>  a condom
>>   or
>>
>>   use a dental dam.
>>   Another thing I didn't see at the NABS table is hot serial.
>> The
>>  packing
>>   guide in the nabs newsletter  said to pack a ton of things and
>> I
>>  for one
>>   don't keep hot serial in the house and I don't shop at places
>>  that sell
>>   hot
>>
>>   serial, so wasn't able to grab a box.  But I would have loved
>> to
>>  buy a box
>>   for even $10 or more, the breakfasts there were $10 alone...
>>  (Then of
>>   course
>>
>>   we could sell bole and spoon packs for the poor folks who
>> didn't
>>  bring
>>   their
>>
>>   own utensil's).
>>   Thanks,
>>
>>   Brandon Keith Biggs
>>   -----Original Message-----
>>   From: Anmol Bhatia
>>   Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:28 AM
>>   To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>   Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>>
>>   You would be a good place to sell and buy condoms? At the NFB
>>   convention...
>>
>>   Perhaps Nabs should sell condoms at the NABS table.  We can
>> even
>>  braille
>>   them
>>
>>   so the perso can know what kind of condoms they have.  lol
>>
>>   Anmol
>>
>>   I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me
>> sad.
>>  Perhaps
>>   there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague,
>>  like a breeze
>>   among flowers.
>>   Hellen Keller
>>
>>
>>   --- On Sun, 9/9/12, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
>>  wrote:
>>
>>   From: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
>>   Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>   To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>>   <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>, "National Association of Blind Students
>>  mailing
>>   list"
>>
>>   <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>   Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:54 PM
>>   Hi, Brandon,
>>
>>   I went into a place in Denver to  buy a dildo yes, on
>>   the bigger, ribbed side to use in the old fashioned bath tub
>>   I had at the time, to get myself off with the faucet.
>>   Traditionally, I need something in my ass, to cum.  If I
>>   remember, the folks in their wer very cool, look at the
>>   blind girl going to by herself a dildo! Don't worry! If
>>   you're relaxed, and cool about what you're doing so will be
>>   the bookstore, personnel.  Let us know how goes it,
>>   okay?  At 04:52 PM 9/8/2012, SA Mobile wrote:
>>   Those are the best places to get stuff as the staff are
>>   professional and are trained to make customers feel at ease.
>>   Just make sure the shop is of good repute.
>>
>>   Respectfully,
>>   Jedi
>>
>>   Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>   On 08/09/2012, at 12:36 PM, "Brandon Keith Biggs"
>>   <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>>   wrote:
>>
>>   Hello,
>>   Thank goodness my father was a nurse and when I
>>   turned 18, he said addio to being in with me at the doctor.
>>   I do find it amusing though that some doctors are actually
>>   really uncomfortable touching me because I'm blind...  That
>>   only happened after my dad started leaving the room.
>>   Thank you Arielle for those websites.  I don't feel
>>   that condoms are something I want to buy from a website I've
>>   never heard of before unless someone I know has gotten or
>>   knows that site is trust worthy.
>>   I was told that flavored condoms were only to be
>>   used in oral intercourse.  The same is not for lube I
>>   presume?
>>   Also, has anyone ever gone into a sex store? How
>>   was it as a blind shopper? Even from sighted people I hear
>>   the experience is often not pleasant.
>>   Thanks,
>>
>>   Brandon Keith Biggs
>>   -----Original Message----- From: Arielle
>>   Silverman
>>   Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:00 AM
>>   To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>   Subject: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>>   Hi all,
>>   I know the recent discussions about sex and dating
>>   are kind of in a
>>   gray area as to whether or not they're on-topic
>>   for this list, since
>>   most of the issues Koby brought up are not really
>>   unique to blindness.
>>   So if the moderators or Dave feel this is getting
>>   too far afield, I
>>   will happily respect your judgment.  However, I
>>   also think that
>>   Brandon's question about where to get condoms is a
>>   legitimate one and
>>   that there might be other blind people out here,
>>   including teenagers,
>>   who have similar concerns about how to get
>>   condoms, birth control or
>>   sexual health information without a lot of
>>   awkwardness or
>>   embarrassment.  It can be particularly difficult if
>>   you have to depend
>>   on someone else (especially parents) for
>>   transportation which can make
>>   going to a clinic or drugstore difficult.
>>   There are a few places to buy condoms online,
>>   including
>>   www.condomania.com
>>   www.undercovercondoms.com
>>   and
>>   www.condomdepot.com
>>   Believe it or not, they also have some condom
>>   choices at
>>   www.amazon.com
>>   If you go to your health center on campus for any
>>   reason, it shouldn't
>>   be a problem  to ask a doctor or nurse there
>>   about condoms.
>>   I cannot answer the questions about when to begin
>>   having sex with a
>>   partner because that is a highly individual
>>   decision.  However, I feel
>>   it important that anyone who is considering having
>>   sex for the first
>>   time ensure you understand what all of your
>>   options are for preventing
>>   pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, the
>>   advantages and
>>   disadvantages of each option, and the proper way
>>   to use condoms  and
>>   birth control.  There are  a couple different
>>   websites with this kind
>>   of information:
>>   www.plannedparenthood.org
>>   (includes live chat with a sexual health educator)
>>   or
>>   www.scarleteen.com
>>   This issue is particularly close to my heart at
>>   the moment because my
>>   boyfriend's sister just had an unintended
>>   pregnancy at a very
>>   inopportune time (while still in college, with a
>>   guy she had only
>>   known for a few months) and was apparently taking
>>   birth control pills,
>>   but had not been taking them consistently.  While I
>>   don't believe that
>>   sex  should be feared, it is something that
>>   takes some responsibility,
>>   planning and foresight to ensure it is enjoyable
>>   while minimizing the
>>   risks.  Also, while I won't go into details here,
>>   there are other ways
>>   to be physically intimate with someone that are
>>   less risky, which
>>   these online forums will talk about.
>>   I also want to bring up  an issue that is
>>   somewhat relevant to sexual
>>   health, which I experienced and I think that some
>>   of you might also be
>>   struggling with.  This is the issue of having your
>>   parents drive you to
>>   doctors' appointments and then having them want to
>>   sit in or even
>>   participate in your appointments.  Since I attended
>>   college in my home
>>   city, my mother always wanted to drive me to my
>>   doctors' appointments
>>   and would then want to come in and chat with the
>>   doctor while he/she
>>   was examining me.  This was partly because my
>>   parents and I saw many of
>>   the same doctors and she often thought it was a
>>   good opportunity to
>>   ask the doctor a quick question about her own
>>   health while she was
>>   there, or because she was curious to see what the
>>   doctor recommended
>>   to me about a particular issue.  I eventually
>>   realized that while it
>>   wasn't ill-intentioned, it was a violation of my
>>   privacy as an adult
>>   patient and I asked her to wait in the waiting
>>   room while I was seeing
>>   the doctor.  I didn't actually take this stand
>>   until I was 21 and in
>>   hindsight I wish I had done  it much earlier.
>>   By the time you are 18,
>>   unless you have a serious cognitive disability,
>>   you have a right to
>>   privacy of your medical information and it is
>>   important to establish a
>>   good doctor-patient relationship without a third
>>   person interfering.
>>   This is especially true when it comes to sexual
>>   health and by the time
>>   you are 18 or even 16, you will want to start
>>   discussing your sexual
>>   activities or questions with your doctors without
>>   your parents being
>>   around.  You might also want to consider getting a
>>   driver or even
>>   taking the bus to medical appointments to avoid
>>   this problem.
>>   On a related note, by the time you are in high
>>   school, you should know
>>   the names of all medications you take on  a
>>   regular basis and any
>>   chronic medical conditions you may have.  If you
>>   ever have to go to the
>>   emergency room, this kind  of information may
>>   be requested of you.
>>   Best,
>>   Arielle
>>
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