[nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted societyatsocial gatherings
Carly Mihalakis
carlymih at comcast.net
Fri Sep 21 05:08:43 UTC 2012
Guys, it's not rocket science! A hesitance to just say "see" or any
of those so-called sighted verbs suggests to me that people are just
not getting over themselves, that folk are making this a bigger deal
than it need be. Therefore, it's little wonder ol' Sighty can't bring
himself to just know we can't see and leave it at that.
Car Ashley Bramlett wrote:
>Joshua,
>I see your point. But why can't you respond, I do watch tv in a
>different way with other senses or something like.
>IMO, people's reactions are no need to stop using the words referencing sight.
>
>-----Original Message----- From: Joshua Lester
>Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2012 12:08 AM
>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted
>societyatsocial gatherings
>
>I always say listening to the tv, because when I say, "Watching TV,"
>I get, "How do you watch it?"
>When that happens, people start laughing, like it's some big joke!
>It gets old!
>Blessings, Joshua
>
>________________________________________
>From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on
>behalf of Desiree Oudinot [turtlepower17 at gmail.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 11:00 PM
>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sighted
>societyatsocial gatherings
>
>Listening to TV, huh? Could this not be a lesson in precisely what
>we're discussing here? If we want to fit into the sighted world, we'd
>do well to say we're watching TV or a movie like everyone else. I hate
>it when someone gets all flustered and up in arms when they can't
>think of a politically correct way to ask us blind folks what shows we
>like, or worse yet, if we can enjoy the cinema at all. you're not
>helping by spurring that misconception on.
>
>On 9/19/12, Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>Hello everyone, my name is Sarah. I am bj years old. I just
>>graduated a program called D.P.I. Davidson Program For
>>Independence. I had to go there because Guide Dogs Of the Desert
>>said I had to go. So I graduated from there, tomorrow I go get
>>my first guide dog! My interests are rides, reading, listening to
>>tv, dogs and horses
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>>To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>Date sent: Wed, 19 Sep 2012 13:48:32 -0700
>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>>sighted societyatsocial gatherings
>>
>>Hello,
>>There are quite a few ideas that are universal through out
>>cultures.
>>For example, it is never socially acceptable to sway in
>>conversation. It is
>>only acceptable to rock back and forth mildly when playing guitar
>>or more
>>heavily when one is studying the old testament as a Jew.
>>Otherwise chin up, strait and relaxed stillness for the torso
>>almost always.
>>
>>Also, facial expressions are almost constant through out all
>>cultures. A
>>smile is always happy, big eyes are innocents or raised eyebrows,
>>big eyes
>>with mouth a little open is startled or scared.
>>Beckoning is also a very universal gesture with the fist out in
>>front facing
>>up with the index finger moving up and down like the person is a
>>balloon and
>>the string is on your finger...
>>
>>Fit me in or something along that lines is more inclusive because
>>it means
>>one can ask about fitting in to their theater group, dance teem,
>>glee club,
>>getting in a relationship, dating...
>>
>>I am not sure how people are expecting to fit into a sighted
>>world without
>>some sighted help.
>>Although I am guessing that the way the list will pan out is more
>>blind
>>people asking questions and both blind people and a few TVIs or
>>parents will
>>help. I am on a couple lists with quite a few sighted people and
>>with
>>questions like this they are invaluable...
>>Who knew that hugging yourself with your hands in a fist over
>>your heart, as
>>if you were trying to keep warm, actually looks like you are
>>terrified of
>>something?
>>Thanks,
>>
>>Brandon Keith Biggs
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Arielle Silverman
>>Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 12:24 PM
>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>>sighted societyat
>>social gatherings
>>
>>Hi all,
>>Sorry to be difficult but I am not willing to join a listserv
>>called
>>"Being Socially Acceptable Blind" or "Looking Sighted". Both
>>names
>>imply that all sighted people look and act the same or that
>>there is
>>only one way to be socially acceptable; these are notions that,
>>frankly, I believe are offensive to blind and sighted people
>>both.
>>I believe such a listserv should be intended to be a
>>nonjudgmental
>>forum where blind folks can ask questions or share frustrations
>>and
>>get supportive answers from blind peers and blind mentors, not a
>>place
>>where subscribers are told they must look and act a certain way.
>>Also,
>>while we might let TVI's join if they want, I think the vast
>>majority
>>of the subscribers should be blind people and we should keep
>>teachers
>>and authority figures to a minimum.
>>I'd support a name like "blind-fitting in", "blind-social" or
>>"blind-dating" perhaps.
>>If the group is created with a tolerant, non-judgmental name I'd
>>be
>>happy to help out with it.
>>
>>
>>On 9/19/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
>>wrote:
>> Names:
>> See me blind (SEM at blah.whatever)
>> Being Socially acceptable blind (SEB)
>> Looking Sighted (LS or LSighted)
>> talk sightless (TSightless)
>>
>> Just some names...
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Desiree Oudinot
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 10:48 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>>sighted
>> societyat
>>
>> social gatherings
>>
>> That's actually a pretty good idea for a name. That was the
>>only thing
>> holding me back from creating a group, the fact I couldn't
>>really
>> think of a name for it. As for making a website, that would be
>>a cool
>> idea too, but I don't know html or anything, so I decided not to
>>go
>> that route.
>> Where I was going when I was talking about the different student
>> divisions was that I don't want it to become a point of
>>contension on
>> the list. I don't want people going to war over which
>>organization's
>> philosophy prepares people to deal with social and dating
>>situations
>> better. It's fine for people to be part of whatever they so
>>choose,
>> but I absolutely will not tolerate stereotypes about either one.
>>I
>> want it to be a safe place where people can feel open enough to
>> discuss such uncomfortable and embarrassing topics as their
>>social
>> awkwardness. If someone starts saying that joining the NFB
>>would help
>> them be more independent, or that the ACB is crap, well, what
>>will
>> that solve? I'm not a member of either, nor do I ever intend on
>>doing
>> so, so I feel that I could nip this stuff in the bud if it would
>> happen, and I'm not even saying it necessarily would become a
>>problem,
>> it's just something to consider.
>>
>> On 9/19/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
>>wrote:
>> Hello,
>> Frankly I don't know what the difference between the ACB's
>>student and
>> NFB's
>>
>> student division is. We are all dealing with exactly the same
>>things. So
>> I
>> really believe we should get our sighted parents, friends and
>>whatnot to
>> be
>>
>> on the list to answer questions we may have. Many TVIs would
>>jump at the
>> chance to be on a list serve devoted to socializing.
>> Just make a group, possibly:
>> bseb at googlegroups.com or something :). Being socially
>>acceptable blind or
>>
>> a
>>
>> cooler name LOL... Any ideas?
>> I even think this should have a website with different articles
>>that
>> someone
>>
>> can brows to answer any personal questions they may have.
>>Because this is
>> such a big issue.
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Desiree Oudinot
>> Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 9:29 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>>sighted
>> societyat
>>
>> social gatherings
>>
>> And this is precisely why I wanted to create a separate list to
>> discuss these kinds of issues and more. And, at the risk of
>>offending
>> people, I wanted it to be a separate list, separate from the NFB
>>or
>> ACB, I wanted it to be the place for every blind person, no
>>matter
>> their political or social status or whatever, to discuss how
>>they fit
>> in with society. Why does it offend you that blind people,
>>whether
>> they be men or women, should try to do their best to interact as
>> sighted people do? Are there really specific guidelines we have
>>to
>> follow? I really want to understand this. I know as well as
>>anyone
>> what struggles we have to go through growing up just to be
>>treated
>> like human beings. First, we're blind people, then we're young,
>>and
>> the stereotypes surrounding young people of our generation are
>>just as
>> crippling as those surrounding being blind. So being dealt both
>>as our
>> hand in life is kind of a double whammy. I still struggle when
>>someone
>> actually treats me as an equal. I want to run away.
>>
>> On 9/14/12, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I've tried to avoid getting into this thread, but here goes:
>> 1. Blind people acting like sighted people scares the crap out
>>of
>> me because it just does for some reason.
>> 2. Girls' conformity rules are terrible: for instance, girls
>> shouldn't be scientists. What does that statement say about us
>> girls? Girls should be married to men with decent jobs. No, I
>> will not marry a man with any job so I can be taken care of, and
>> this isn't the friggin' 1800's. Girls and women can take care
>>of
>> themselves, and they can work and support families. Jason, my
>> current bf, does not work and can't do what society says, be a
>> man and work and get paid for the woman. Some societies demand
>> that all men work and women stay home. We, Americans though we
>> are, still have these demands on blind women. I as a blind
>>woman
>> cannot accept conformity or defeat due to womanhood. Since
>>Jason
>> can't work and follow society's rules of manhood, it's up to me
>> to do it. Girls should not always do typing, nursing, or
>> different "womanly" professions where they get paid less than
>> ordinary men. Jason, due to his disability, does not work. I,
>> due to mental illness, may never work. I want to work so bad,
>> but where? Goodwill is out of the question. I'm not working
>>for
>> nothing or low wages because I'm a woman. And no way will I
>> accept sexual harassment because I have breasts and different
>> organs inside me. I as a blind woman will not accept rules
>> saying "You will be taken care of. You will be a stay-at-home
>> wife. You will be poor." No way.
>> Beth
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Marc Workman <mworkman.lists at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:37:00 -0600
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>> sighted societyat social gatherings
>>
>> Chris wrote,
>> Therefore, it is important that we know the unwritten rules
>>which
>> our sighted society has made. If we don't know them and follow
>> them, what does that say about us as blind people? It says we
>>are
>> weird, different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.
>>
>> Alternatively, perhaps it says that those rules are not natural,
>> that they are the product of sighted people simply aping one
>> another, and that they are arbitrary. I believe that such
>> unwritten rules often needlessly cause huge amounts of anxiety,
>> self-loathing, and anguish.
>>
>> We had a similar discussion on this list some time ago,
>> particularly around the subject of so called "blindisms, and I
>> put that term in quotes as a way of acknowledging that it is
>> pejorative. I'm sure it could be found on line by anyone who is
>> interested.
>>
>> Personally, I would rather live in a world where blind people
>>are
>> accepted and respected not simply to the extent that they can
>> look and act like sighted people, but on the grounds that they
>> are human beings possessing dignity and as equally worthy of
>> respect as sighted people. The message shouldn't be, "hey, we
>>can
>> follow your rules, so you should accept us". Instead, the
>>message
>> should be, "we, like you, have many talents and weaknesses, feel
>> pleasure and pain, reach our full potential through the
>>formation
>> of deep and meaningful relationships with other human beings,
>>and
>> your failure to treat us with respect and as equals is unfair,
>> discriminatory, and immoral", to borrow from Mr. Lewis.
>>
>> By the way, I think this goes well beyond blind people fitting
>> into sighted society. We are constantly policing one another's
>> behaviour. Probably one of the more obvious examples of this
>>has
>> to do with gender. There are hundreds if not thousands of
>>mostly
>> unspoken rules about what makes a man a man and how real men
>> ought to behave, and there are twice as many concerning women.
>> These rules are enforced in subtle but effective ways, and the
>> result is often a great deal of suffering for anyone who cannot,
>> or chooses not to, conform. These gender rules are just as
>> arbitrary as those around sighted/blind behaviour, and the
>>effort
>> similarly should be to relax and remove such rules, not to more
>> explicitly and fervently teach boys and girls the so called
>>right
>> way to act.
>>
>> This is of course easier said than done, and failing to conform
>> does unfortunately often result in suffering, such as missed
>> social, volunteer, and employment opportunities. So I don't
>>judge
>> or condemn anyone who makes a serious effort to learn the
>> unwritten rules of sighted society, just as I don't judge
>>someone
>> who wants to spend all of his or her time reading medical
>> journals and desperately praying for a cure. It's hard being
>> blind in the particular society in which we live, and conforming
>> can make things a little bit easier. But I still think we
>>should
>> work more on changing attitudes and less on teaching blind
>>people
>> how to look and act like sighted people.
>>
>> Regards,
>>
>> Marc
>> On 2012-09-14, at 3:04 PM, Chris Nusbaum
>> <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Hi Brandon and all,
>>
>> I'm taking the liberty here to change the subject of this
>> thread, as if we're going to discuss the topic which Brandon has
>> brought up in his post, I think it would prevent confusion if we
>> changed the subject to reflect the actual topic of Brandon's
>> message.
>>
>> Brandon, your idea about the NFB conducting some kind of
>> instructional seminar or workshop on social norms and how we can
>> "fit in" with the sighted public is a great one! I think you
>> should talk with the NFB leadership about this! I believe NOPBC
>> (the parents division) has touched on this topic in their
>> seminars at conventions. One of the topics at the parents
>> seminar at the Maryland state convention is almost always social
>> skills, especially what sighted society has deemed socially
>> acceptable and how we as blind people can fit in at social
>> gatherings, conforming as best we can to the "norms" of society.
>> I believe this is arguably more important for blind students, as
>> we are often in social gatherings (or want to be in them) at our
>> schools, with our friends, or in our communities. Therefore, it
>> is important that we know the unwritten rules which our sighted
>> society has made. If we don't know them and follow them, what
>> does that say about us as blind people? It says we are weird,
>> different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc. These are the
>> very adjectives we in the Federation have been working to cut
>>out
>> from the vocabulary of the public when in the context of
>> blindness and blind people. In other words, these are the very
>> things we don't want sighted people thinking about us. If this
>> is how sighted people perceive us, then it puts our ability to
>> get a job, volunteer in our community, and become first-class
>> citizens at risk. So, I think this would be a great thing for
>> the NFB to do, and one which I'm kind of surprised we're not
>> doing already. Also, since this is an important topic for blind
>> students, perhaps "social skills and norms" could be the topic
>>of
>> a future NABS membership call.
>>
>> Just my thoughts,
>>
>> Chris
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:15:16 -0700
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>> Hello,
>> We aren't promoting sex among students, we are promoting safe
>> sex. There is
>> a huge difference. If the student division is the only one
>>with
>> some
>> practical sense about sexual activities, I'm a little scared...
>> :)
>> I do agree though, sex, dating and excepted socializing among a
>> sighted
>> community is a very big topic that is often times ignored by
>>the
>> blind
>> community.
>> I have been told by sighted TVIs that many blind folks (youth
>>or
>> not) have
>> some very strange mannerisms and beliefs that are totally
>> against the grain
>> of sighted society. My mom in particular, who is a TVI, has
>> suggested that
>> the NFB should really give some instruction on how the sighted
>> world thinks.
>> Otherwise what will happen (and what has happened) is the world
>> looks at a
>> gathering of blind people and cringes because they are so
>>weird.
>> or a
>> sighted girl sees a blind guy and thinks she wants to talk to
>> him and when
>> she is about to sit down and say hi, the guy does something
>> really weird and
>> she turns around and walks a mile away.
>> This is a little different than the deal with the condoms, but
>> both sexual
>> health and social issues are topics that are very much in need
>> of attention
>> among blind individuals, and students in particular.
>> I feel strongly that having some active workshops on this that
>> aren't meant
>> to be uncomfortable, but still deal with the taboo problems
>> would greatly
>> improve convention.
>> Thank you,
>>
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Arielle Silverman
>> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:18 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>> Hi all,
>> I have joked in the past about how NABS should sell Brailled
>> Whozit
>> condoms at convention! Kidding aside, though, there are
>>probably
>> some
>> NFB leaders with more conservative leanings, who might feel
>>that
>> NABS
>> selling condoms at convention would be promoting sexual
>>activity
>> among
>> young or unmarried blind students. I don't agree with that
>> position,
>> but some people do and since anything NABS does is, by
>> extension, an
>> NFB-sanctioned event, we would need to balance the benefits of
>> providing condoms against possibly upsetting the NFB leadership
>> or
>> bringing on an unwanted political debate.
>> I would be more likely to support a NABS breakout session, at
>> Washington Seminar or elsewhere, about sexuality in general,
>>and
>> perhaps include an opportunity to try putting a condom on the
>> proverbial banana or some such. When I was 15, I went to a
>> diversity
>> camp (for sighted teens) and there was a sexuality workshop
>> available
>> as one of several choices. They passed around condoms and in
>> fact,
>> this was the first time I actually felt one. A general
>>workshop
>> about
>> sex, dating and etiquette, etc. might be worth having.
>> Arielle
>>
>> On 9/10/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>> wrote:
>> Hello,
>> This would be an awesome idea! Not only because many people
>>have
>> never
>> seen
>>
>> a condom, so they could finger the packages with labels without
>> having to
>> be
>>
>> embarrassed, but when I was at the hotel I didn't run into any
>> condoms in
>> the store. Granted I wasn't looking for them, but I was
>> browsing...
>> Condoms,
>>
>> lube and Dental Dams, all labeled in Braille! We would also
>> probably need
>> to
>>
>> provide guides for people on how to find the right way to put
>>on
>> a condom
>> or
>>
>> use a dental dam.
>> Another thing I didn't see at the NABS table is hot serial.
>>The
>> packing
>> guide in the nabs newsletter said to pack a ton of things and
>>I
>> for one
>> don't keep hot serial in the house and I don't shop at places
>> that sell
>> hot
>>
>> serial, so wasn't able to grab a box. But I would have loved
>>to
>> buy a box
>> for even $10 or more, the breakfasts there were $10 alone...
>> (Then of
>> course
>>
>> we could sell bole and spoon packs for the poor folks who
>>didn't
>> bring
>> their
>>
>> own utensil's).
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Anmol Bhatia
>> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:28 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>>
>> You would be a good place to sell and buy condoms? At the NFB
>> convention...
>>
>> Perhaps Nabs should sell condoms at the NABS table. We can
>>even
>> braille
>> them
>>
>> so the perso can know what kind of condoms they have. lol
>>
>> Anmol
>>
>> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me
>>sad.
>> Perhaps
>> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague,
>> like a breeze
>> among flowers.
>> Hellen Keller
>>
>>
>> --- On Sun, 9/9/12, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
>> wrote:
>>
>> From: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>, "National Association of Blind Students
>> mailing
>> list"
>>
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:54 PM
>> Hi, Brandon,
>>
>> I went into a place in Denver to buy a dildo yes, on
>> the bigger, ribbed side to use in the old fashioned bath tub
>> I had at the time, to get myself off with the faucet.
>> Traditionally, I need something in my ass, to cum. If I
>> remember, the folks in their wer very cool, look at the
>> blind girl going to by herself a dildo! Don't worry! If
>> you're relaxed, and cool about what you're doing so will be
>> the bookstore, personnel. Let us know how goes it,
>> okay? At 04:52 PM 9/8/2012, SA Mobile wrote:
>> Those are the best places to get stuff as the staff are
>> professional and are trained to make customers feel at ease.
>> Just make sure the shop is of good repute.
>>
>> Respectfully,
>> Jedi
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> On 08/09/2012, at 12:36 PM, "Brandon Keith Biggs"
>> <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
>> wrote:
>>
>> Hello,
>> Thank goodness my father was a nurse and when I
>> turned 18, he said addio to being in with me at the doctor.
>> I do find it amusing though that some doctors are actually
>> really uncomfortable touching me because I'm blind... That
>> only happened after my dad started leaving the room.
>> Thank you Arielle for those websites. I don't feel
>> that condoms are something I want to buy from a website I've
>> never heard of before unless someone I know has gotten or
>> knows that site is trust worthy.
>> I was told that flavored condoms were only to be
>> used in oral intercourse. The same is not for lube I
>> presume?
>> Also, has anyone ever gone into a sex store? How
>> was it as a blind shopper? Even from sighted people I hear
>> the experience is often not pleasant.
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Brandon Keith Biggs
>> -----Original Message----- From: Arielle
>> Silverman
>> Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:00 AM
>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
>>
>> Hi all,
>> I know the recent discussions about sex and dating
>> are kind of in a
>> gray area as to whether or not they're on-topic
>> for this list, since
>> most of the issues Koby brought up are not really
>> unique to blindness.
>> So if the moderators or Dave feel this is getting
>> too far afield, I
>> will happily respect your judgment. However, I
>> also think that
>> Brandon's question about where to get condoms is a
>> legitimate one and
>> that there might be other blind people out here,
>> including teenagers,
>> who have similar concerns about how to get
>> condoms, birth control or
>> sexual health information without a lot of
>> awkwardness or
>> embarrassment. It can be particularly difficult if
>> you have to depend
>> on someone else (especially parents) for
>> transportation which can make
>> going to a clinic or drugstore difficult.
>> There are a few places to buy condoms online,
>> including
>> www.condomania.com
>> www.undercovercondoms.com
>> and
>> www.condomdepot.com
>> Believe it or not, they also have some condom
>> choices at
>> www.amazon.com
>> If you go to your health center on campus for any
>> reason, it shouldn't
>> be a problem to ask a doctor or nurse there
>> about condoms.
>> I cannot answer the questions about when to begin
>> having sex with a
>> partner because that is a highly individual
>> decision. However, I feel
>> it important that anyone who is considering having
>> sex for the first
>> time ensure you understand what all of your
>> options are for preventing
>> pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, the
>> advantages and
>> disadvantages of each option, and the proper way
>> to use condoms and
>> birth control. There are a couple different
>> websites with this kind
>> of information:
>> www.plannedparenthood.org
>> (includes live chat with a sexual health educator)
>> or
>> www.scarleteen.com
>> This issue is particularly close to my heart at
>> the moment because my
>> boyfriend's sister just had an unintended
>> pregnancy at a very
>> inopportune time (while still in college, with a
>> guy she had only
>> known for a few months) and was apparently taking
>> birth control pills,
>> but had not been taking them consistently. While I
>> don't believe that
>> sex should be feared, it is something that
>> takes some responsibility,
>> planning and foresight to ensure it is enjoyable
>> while minimizing the
>> risks. Also, while I won't go into details here,
>> there are other ways
>> to be physically intimate with someone that are
>> less risky, which
>> these online forums will talk about.
>> I also want to bring up an issue that is
>> somewhat relevant to sexual
>> health, which I experienced and I think that some
>> of you might also be
>> struggling with. This is the issue of having your
>> parents drive you to
>> doctors' appointments and then having them want to
>> sit in or even
>> participate in your appointments. Since I attended
>> college in my home
>> city, my mother always wanted to drive me to my
>> doctors' appointments
>> and would then want to come in and chat with the
>> doctor while he/she
>> was examining me. This was partly because my
>> parents and I saw many of
>> the same doctors and she often thought it was a
>> good opportunity to
>> ask the doctor a quick question about her own
>> health while she was
>> there, or because she was curious to see what the
>> doctor recommended
>> to me about a particular issue. I eventually
>> realized that while it
>> wasn't ill-intentioned, it was a violation of my
>> privacy as an adult
>> patient and I asked her to wait in the waiting
>> room while I was seeing
>> the doctor. I didn't actually take this stand
>> until I was 21 and in
>> hindsight I wish I had done it much earlier.
>> By the time you are 18,
>> unless you have a serious cognitive disability,
>> you have a right to
>> privacy of your medical information and it is
>> important to establish a
>> good doctor-patient relationship without a third
>> person interfering.
>> This is especially true when it comes to sexual
>> health and by the time
>> you are 18 or even 16, you will want to start
>> discussing your sexual
>> activities or questions with your doctors without
>> your parents being
>> around. You might also want to consider getting a
>> driver or even
>> taking the bus to medical appointments to avoid
>> this problem.
>> On a related note, by the time you are in high
>> school, you should know
>> the names of all medications you take on a
>> regular basis and any
>> chronic medical conditions you may have. If you
>> ever have to go to the
>> emergency room, this kind of information may
>> be requested of you.
>> Best,
>> Arielle
>>
>> _______________________________________________
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