[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?

Beth Taurasi denverqueen1107 at comcast.net
Sat Dec 28 00:32:41 UTC 2013


I didn't think about that one.  I was in a crisis myself, and it was 
back in '06.  If anyone wants to write me off list, feel free and I can 
describe the crisis.
Beth

On 12/27/2013 4:51 PM, Sandra Gayer wrote:
> Hello Kaiti,
> The situation you are in sounds horrible for you. This girl clearly
> isn't coping and needs emotional support but you can't be responsible
> for her needs. It sounds as though she is using you as a helpline. No
> one can or will tell you what to do but if I were in your position, I
> would look up the numbers of some crisis helplines and give her the
> numbers next time she calls. I would also ask her to look into talking
> to a professional like a therapist. I know it's difficult but when she
> starts to talk about her problems, try not to fan the flames of the
> conversation by participating in the conversation. Instead, try and
> suggest the same things, (helplines and therapy, emotionally
> supportive websites and forums), every time she phones and say nothing
> else. If it helps you, write yourself a script and stick to it every
> single phone call. If this girl is calling your family, maybe give
> them the same script. It may take time but she will stop.
>
> I used to work for a charity that gave emotional support to 16-25 year
> olds and you're more than welcome to email me off list if you'd like
> specific resources.
> Very best wishes,
> Sandra.
>
> On 12/27/13, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hi Katie.  My name is Dave.  I'm from California.  It actually sounds like
>> this girl may have a problem with depression.  I have bipolar and a long
>> while back I've done the same thing with people.  One of the things that
>> happens is when a person is going into a crisis with depression what
>> happens
>> is they try to find a person who they totally feel comfortable with.  When
>> they find that person that usually is the only person that they'll talk to.
>> They won't talk to anyone else.  I've done that with people.  I try not to
>> but at times it just happens.  What to do about it?  That's a hard one.  I
>> don't think there is an easy answer.  Probably the best thing you can do is
>> to continue to be her friend.  I know how it is when you're depressed
>> believe me.  When my grandma died in January I was talking to this person
>> who I had met online and it sort of was the same thing but reversed in that
>> I was calling her a lot but the only difference was we were kind of
>> involved
>> with eachother.  She eventually broke off the relationship.  It wasn't so
>> much me and what I was doing.  She knew I was going through a lot but she
>> had a mental illness as well so.  If you want you can mailm me off list and
>> we could talk about this more.  But.  Yea unfortunately there is not an
>> easy
>> answer to this o		ne.
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton
>> Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 2:30 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
>>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not quite sure
>> how
>> to handle it.  Thoughts?
>>
>> Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar for students
>> in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.  This Friday
>> evening
>> to Sunday morning seminar was designed to show students and parents from
>> around the state different employment options that were available, ranging
>> from vending and call center jobs to taking the college route to get a
>> degree in a two or four year program.  A friend of mine and I, who lived
>> close to each other, were hanging out
>> early on.   All of a sudden, this other girl was hanging all over him
>> and would not give him his personal space.  It was very odd, considering
>> that this was a very short period of time in which this all happened.  Less
>> than 24 hours after the students had met, my friend was so creeped out by
>> the almost constant and unwanted attention that he began to avoid this
>> girl.
>> Other students, seeing how creeped out he was and some creeped out
>> themselves due to the same thing, ended up following suit.
>>
>> I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend.  The girl was very
>> much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more patient with
>> her
>> throughout the weekend.  She seemed to be worse with the guys than the
>> girls
>> too, so I had a little more space than my friend.
>>
>> About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started calling my
>> house.  The parents at the program were given a list of the other parents
>> who attended, along with their phone numbers, so they could swap resources
>> if they so chose.  This girl got the list from her parents, and was using
>> it
>> to call me and my friend, possibly other students as well although I am not
>> sure.  The calls started off being about once every so often, then
>> increased.  She was a very odd girl, and liked to complain and cry about
>> her
>> problems to me and my friend.
>> There was nothing social about the calls, just complaining and negativity,
>> and mumbling which was really weird.  He quit talking to her much sooner
>> than I did because I tried to get her to see that being visually impaired,
>> (she didn't like the word blind since she was a large print reader, and
>> kind
>> of used that to elivate herself above other people), was not the worst
>> thing
>> in the world.  She would cry and complain, and even tell me I didn't
>> understand how bad things were, when her descriptions of things made it
>> sound like she was very overdramatic.  I decided at the end of my junior
>> year, a year after the calls started coming, that I didn't want to talk to
>> a
>> downer, and that I wasn't going to be able to convince her that blindness
>> didn't mean the end of the world.
>>
>> The girl continued to call.  My senior year was very busy with activities
>> and preparing for college.  I would come home from marching band practices
>> to find my siblings quite frustrated because the girl had kept calling,
>> sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a span of a few hours.  They didn't
>> want to answer the phone because whenever someone told her I wasn't home
>> she
>> would instantly get teary and mumble things to herself, and it was very
>> weird, but they didn't want her to continue calling either.  I remember one
>> night over Christmas break of that year, she called and when I told her I
>> was getting ready to leave the house, which I was to go pick up someone
>> coming in from out of town for the holidays with my family, she got angry
>> and wanted me to give her my cell phone number.  I told her that I didn't
>> want to give it out, and she started to get upset.  Then I really had to
>> go,
>> and there was the characteristic mumbling.
>>
>> My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that I've been in
>> college that the girl has continued to call.  My mom has told her that I
>> live at school and do not come home much multiple times.
>> My younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've moved away and
>> have begun making up different things to tell her to try to discourage her
>> from calling.  She continues to call, and around Christmas it is always
>> terrible.  A few nights ago she called when my parents were asleep a little
>> after  11:00 at night, and has apparently called and left messages late at
>> night before.  My parents have to get up very early for work, so In order
>> to
>> stop the ringing and to prevent a message from playing over the machine I
>> had to answer.  Everything was exactly the same.  I was heading to bed
>> myself, so I told her that I was asleep when she asked for me.  The fact
>> that she had called at such a late hour didn't seem to phase her, there was
>> just the mumbling and usual stuff coming over the line.
>>
>> I don't quite know what to do.  I've tried to be positive with her and that
>> hasn't worked.  My family has told her that I no longer live at home and am
>> away at school among other things in frustration, but nothing seems to
>> phase
>> her.  I know she still calls my friend's house as well, even though he does
>> not live at home any more either.  I don't quite know what to do about
>> this.
>> I barely know her and she barely knows me, and in spite of this I have
>> tried
>> to help her with no success.  My parents and siblings have said that we
>> should just block her calls, but I have hesitated in doing this while I was
>> in high school because I didn't want to be mean, and then I honestly forgot
>> about her for the most part while I was at school last year and last
>> semester because I can't get calls from her there.  After the call a few
>> nights ago, I don't really know what to think.  I am slightly creeped out
>> that even after my parents have told her I am not home for the past year
>> and
>> a half that the calls are still coming.  What do you think I should do?
>>
>>    --
>> Kaiti
>>
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>





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