[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
Dave Webster
dwebster125 at gmail.com
Sat Dec 28 21:53:34 UTC 2013
You know maybe you could just buy her off. Pay her a nice bundle of money
to quit calling your house. Just kidding. Well if her parents don't know
she's doing this and she just took the list then yea maybe calling and
talking to her parents would be the best thing.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton
Sent: Saturday, December 28, 2013 12:37 AM
To: tyler at tysdomain.com; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
Hi,
I'm honestly not sure if this is a cognitive disability at work or not,
though I have questioned that. It's difficult for me to tell if she just
isn't understanding what I and others are saying to her but is just getting
tired of hearing multiple people tell her the same thing over and over
again, which she doesn't agree with; or if it is a case of psychological
issues at work. Either way, I know her parents are already aware of it
because even at the program her mother would do things like pull her aside
every so often, mostly when she was around and could notice that the girl
was making someone else feel uncomfortable. The mom did not willingly give
the list of names and phone numbers to her daughter---she took it, and I'm
guessing either saved the numbers in the phone somehow or wrote them down.
It's very possible that her parents do not even know she's doing this with
students from this weekend program a few years ago, but I have heard her
parents ask who she is talking to a few times and she's mumbled in response.
I'm really not sure if this is cognitive or psychological, since she seems
to be pretty methodical. As far as I can tell she doesn't seem to pose a
threat to anyone else or herself, and she never mentioned anything like
self-harm to me.
As before, I will take the suggestion to offer assistance through a help
line of some sort the next time she calls. I do not know if I will
intercept the next call while I am on break; I have social plans and other
things going on so it's possible that she might not try to call back for
another few weeks when I will be back at school.
However, the next time I do get her I will give this a try.
I wish I could help her, and feel like I've tried to, but it's awkward
because I barely know her and the conversations we've had have been very
strange for the most part. I am not a professional councelor, but I
recognize that she needs someone to talk to now that I've thought about it
and can look past the shock of, "She still calls me?"
On 12/27/13, Littlefield, Tyler <tyler at tysdomain.com> wrote:
> Hello:
> I don't know what good calling the house will do. I think at this
> point you should just call and get the number blocked and let that be
that.
> It's not the best of solutions, but calling her parents might just
> make things worse.
> HTH,
> On 12/27/2013 10:16 PM, Bobbi Pompey wrote:
>> I would suggest calling her house and speaking with her parents. Or
>> having her phone number blocked.
>>
>> Bobbi A. L. Pompey
>> (336) 988-6375
>> pompey2010 at yahoo.com
>> http://pompey2050.wix.com/bobbi-pompey
>>
>>> On Dec 27, 2013, at 5:29 PM, Kaiti Shelton
>>> <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi all,
>>>
>>> I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not quite
>>> sure how to handle it. Thoughts?
>>>
>>> Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar for
>>> students in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.
>>> This Friday evening to Sunday morning seminar was designed to show
>>> students and parents from around the state different employment
>>> options that were available, ranging from vending and call center
>>> jobs to taking the college route to get a degree in a two or four
>>> year program. A friend of mine and I, who lived close to each other,
were hanging out
>>> early on. All of a sudden, this other girl was hanging all over him
>>> and would not give him his personal space. It was very odd,
>>> considering that this was a very short period of time in which this
>>> all happened. Less than 24 hours after the students had met, my
>>> friend was so creeped out by the almost constant and unwanted
>>> attention that he began to avoid this girl. Other students, seeing
>>> how creeped out he was and some creeped out themselves due to the
>>> same thing, ended up following suit.
>>>
>>> I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend. The girl
>>> was very much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more
>>> patient with her throughout the weekend. She seemed to be worse
>>> with the guys than the girls too, so I had a little more space than
>>> my friend.
>>>
>>> About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started
>>> calling my house. The parents at the program were given a list of
>>> the other parents who attended, along with their phone numbers, so
>>> they could swap resources if they so chose. This girl got the list
>>> from her parents, and was using it to call me and my friend,
>>> possibly other students as well although I am not sure. The calls
>>> started off being about once every so often, then increased. She
>>> was a very odd girl, and liked to complain and cry about her problems to
me and my friend.
>>> There was nothing social about the calls, just complaining and
>>> negativity, and mumbling which was really weird. He quit talking to
>>> her much sooner than I did because I tried to get her to see that
>>> being visually impaired, (she didn't like the word blind since she
>>> was a large print reader, and kind of used that to elivate herself
>>> above other people), was not the worst thing in the world. She
>>> would cry and complain, and even tell me I didn't understand how bad
>>> things were, when her descriptions of things made it sound like she
>>> was very overdramatic. I decided at the end of my junior year, a
>>> year after the calls started coming, that I didn't want to talk to a
>>> downer, and that I wasn't going to be able to convince her that
>>> blindness didn't mean the end of the world.
>>>
>>> The girl continued to call. My senior year was very busy with
>>> activities and preparing for college. I would come home from
>>> marching band practices to find my siblings quite frustrated because
>>> the girl had kept calling, sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a
>>> span of a few hours. They didn't want to answer the phone because
>>> whenever someone told her I wasn't home she would instantly get
>>> teary and mumble things to herself, and it was very weird, but they
>>> didn't want her to continue calling either. I remember one night
>>> over Christmas break of that year, she called and when I told her I
>>> was getting ready to leave the house, which I was to go pick up
>>> someone coming in from out of town for the holidays with my family,
>>> she got angry and wanted me to give her my cell phone number. I
>>> told her that I didn't want to give it out, and she started to get
>>> upset. Then I really had to go, and there was the characteristic
mumbling.
>>>
>>> My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that I've
>>> been in college that the girl has continued to call. My mom has
>>> told her that I live at school and do not come home much multiple times.
>>> My younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've moved
>>> away and have begun making up different things to tell her to try to
>>> discourage her from calling. She continues to call, and around
>>> Christmas it is always terrible. A few nights ago she called when
>>> my parents were asleep a little after 11:00 at night, and has
>>> apparently called and left messages late at night before. My
>>> parents have to get up very early for work, so In order to stop the
>>> ringing and to prevent a message from playing over the machine I had
>>> to answer. Everything was exactly the same. I was heading to bed
>>> myself, so I told her that I was asleep when she asked for me. The
>>> fact that she had called at such a late hour didn't seem to phase
>>> her, there was just the mumbling and usual stuff coming over the line.
>>>
>>> I don't quite know what to do. I've tried to be positive with her
>>> and that hasn't worked. My family has told her that I no longer
>>> live at home and am away at school among other things in
>>> frustration, but nothing seems to phase her. I know she still calls
>>> my friend's house as well, even though he does not live at home any
>>> more either. I don't quite know what to do about this. I barely
>>> know her and she barely knows me, and in spite of this I have tried
>>> to help her with no success. My parents and siblings have said that
>>> we should just block her calls, but I have hesitated in doing this
>>> while I was in high school because I didn't want to be mean, and
>>> then I honestly forgot about her for the most part while I was at
>>> school last year and last semester because I can't get calls from
>>> her there. After the call a few nights ago, I don't really know
>>> what to think. I am slightly creeped out that even after my parents
>>> have told her I am not home for the past year and a half that the
>>> calls are still coming. What do you think I should do?
>>>
>>> --
>>> Kaiti
>>>
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>
>
> --
> Take care,
> Ty
> http://tds-solutions.net
> He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool;
> he that dares not reason is a slave.
> Sent from my Toaster (tm).
>
>
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--
Kaiti
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