[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.

Wed Feb 13 03:00:04 UTC 2013

Hi,
Regarding long distance relationships, I think that's a highly
personal preference. For some people, it works out well, for others,
like myself, I can't imagine it working at all, particularly if the
person I was dating lived in another country.
In my opinion, relationships are a delicate balance of physical,
emotional and spiritual aspects. If one of these is missing or
severely limited, the relationship becomes restricted and stagnant.
Having said that, distance definitely is not always a factor in how or
why relationships suffer. But if you only talk on the phone, I can't
help but think you have nothing more than a very close friendship
which could potentially evolve into something deeper if one of you
picks up and moves to be with the other. But making that kind of
sacrifice, leaving friends and family, culture and comfort, certainly
isn't a decision that most people take lightly, nor should it be. If
two people truly love each other, that sacrifice has to be made by one
of them. But it could just as easily backfire and lead to resentment
and loss, no matter how strong their love is.
However, maybe if you're only in high school, this doesn't matter to
you, and you're content with the way things are. Perhaps keeping a
relationship at half the world's length helps with some of the
awkwardness, sexual temptations, and uncertainty associated with
adolescent relationships. When I was a little younger, I know the idea
of a long-distance relationship seemed a lot more feasible than it
does now that I'm 23.
About a year ago, I came face to face with my convictions in a big
way. I met someone online through a game we both played at the time.
He's from the Philippines, and we hit it off well. He was a bit older,
but not by a ridiculous amount, so I didn't care about that. We seemed
to be on the same level, mentally and emotionally; we had similar
taste in music, which is a huge plus for me since I spend a good
portion of my life talking about music; we gave each other advice with
personal problems; we began to scratch the surface of getting to know
each other. But, in those few months that we talked, I was constantly
waging war within myself. Since we only chatted through text, how was
I to know that he was who he appeared to be? Even if we had used
Skype, I'm not sure I would have been completely convinced. A person's
voice tells a thousand stories, even if the words never actually come
to pass; the stories that are told are subtle signals that prove a
person's trustworthiness and personality. It's all in how they speak,
their tone, and how they present themselves. Some would call this
judgmental, but I've learned to trust my instincts in this regard. If
I hear a person speak for the first time, and alarm bells go off in my
head, I now know to be careful and to keep my distance, because the
few times I've ignored the warnings my soul sent out, I ended up
getting hurt and violated. So, deprived of even this small comfort, I
drove myself nearly insane thinking of the what if's. Playing every
possible scenario over and over again in my mind of who he was. My
dreams were permeated by images of who I wanted him to be. In my
dreams, he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend and more. And when I
woke up in the morning, I felt cold, hollow, and cheap. Finally, I
just turned tail and ran. I offered no explanation. I simply stopped
talking to him. I stopped playing the game I had previously loved
where we met. Too many reminders, and besides, I would surely run into
him there. He never did try to contact me. I sometimes wonder if
perhaps he felt the same way, although I don't believe in things like
hope, so I try not to think of that.
But you know what? Even though it's been almost a year since I last
spoke to him, I still think of him a lot. I still miss him. I still
wonder what might have been, if he weren't so hopelessly out of reach.
I think of scenarios, like meeting him at a bar where his band played,
or what it would be like to travel to his country, to absorb the
culture and get to know a world vastly different from the often
mundane drabness of my own. If we had hooked up locally, I'm positive
I would have loved him. Who can tell what he thought? I since found
out he was dating someone through a friend who also played the online
game we all played, and I took that like it was a direct blow to my
heart. That's what scares me the most. I'm not usually so dramatic.
Cautious to the point of paranoia, yes. But I've never completely lost
it over the illusion of someone who might not even exist before.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Long distance relationships
are definitely not for me. On the other hand, my sister is in one, and
she seems happy enough with it. Of course, they're both sighted, which
may or may not make a difference in the grand scheme of things. He's
also, at least, a US citizen, which makes it easier. He's been here
several times, and he's a perfectly nice guy. I wish them both the
best, and I'm glad it's working out for them. Which brings me back to
my main point: if a long distance relationship is in the cards for
you, take it for all it's worth. If it isn't...well, don't let
trendsetters tell you that you're technologically backward or
prejudiced. It is what it is. It's just another preference in the
range of acceptable human behavior in relationships.

On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives
> in Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just
> chat through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other
> since we started being a couple. It's different, but it's
> feasible. A few bad experiences isn't enough to say you hate
> relationships. I believe that there is someone out there for
> everyone; it just takes time.
>
> Sincerely,
> Sophie
>
>  ----- Original Message -----
> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
> list.
>
> I cry every day.  I hate relationships, especially long whtance
> ones they never work.
>
>  ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
> list.
>
> Yea thanks.  I think she did get scared but we had actually
> talked about
> that.  I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure.  Its gonna
> take some
> time to get over this.  I've been going through a lot of crying
> spells.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
> Gloria G
> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the
> list.
>
> Hi,
> I am so sorry that happened to you.  You seem like a really nice
> guy and I
> think she just got scared.  Maybe after things cool off you guys
> can talk and
> figure out what happened.  Well I hope you feel better.  Try
> doing something
> that is fun for you just to get your mind off things.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello.  Wanted to post something to the list.
>
>
>  Hello all.  I'm Dave.  I am not a student right now.  I have
> bipolar
>  and am unable to handle the stress of going to school.  I know
> that
>  this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to post it
> anyhow.
>  I just got out of a relationship.  It was a long distance one
> whare
>  she lives in Michigan and I in California.  We started talking
> at the
>  beginning of January right after new years.  We didn't mean to
> but we
>  started to hit it off really really well.  About a week or so
> later
>  she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan to
> see
>  her.  If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna stay
> and be
>  with her.  Right now I live in a board and care facility.  It
> turns
>  out that for a couple of weeks probably when she bought the
> tickets or
>  pretty soonn after she began having doubts and fears about the
>  relationship.  I had my doubts and had my fears as well and knew
> this
>  was a normal thing.  We talked about them but a few days later
> she
>  called the relationship off because there were some symptoms
> which
>  were rather minor ones that she said she couldn't handle.  It
> turns
>  out that she is now tomorrow going to see this guy in Colorado.
> Mind
>  you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but
> I feel
>  like we had something.  I feel like my emotions were played with
> and
>  I'm really hurt.  I was just wondering if any of you who want to
> could
>  help me through this.  I've been going through a lot of crying
> spells.
>  During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma.  She was 90
> and
>  had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the
> tenth.
>  So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
> Loosing my
>  grandma and loosing Terri.  Terri was someone that I could love
> and
>  did love and still do.  I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>  This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as
> well
>  and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
> Maybe
>  if any of you want to we could talk off list.  I've been going
> through
>  a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through them.
> My
>  friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
> may
>  not be able to understand what's going on.  I feel like I wasn't
> good
>  enough for her.  I'm just really really hurt.
>
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