[nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
Desiree Oudinot
turtlepower17 at gmail.com
Mon Feb 18 19:40:02 UTC 2013
Hi Elizabeth,
You and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this. I understand
where you're coming from. You see this list as a place to make
professional connections and nothing more. I think your intentions are
good, but I'm going to point out one small flaw in your argument. You
said that people wouldn't go around discussing their personal problems
in the mall. Obviously, you've never heard people walking around,
belting out their problems into a cell phone for all to hear, heedless
of who's around. They do it on the bus, in the mall, wherever. Now,
granted, the average person isn't going to remember who said what
while they're doing their shopping or trying to go from point A to
point B themselves, but there is a chance, however slim, that the
person who's giving a symposium about the intimate details of their
life will just happen to bump into the person who gave her a job
interview yesterday. That, in turn, could slant the employer's
decision on whether to hire the person or not. Unlikely? Absolutely,
but that's my point here: the likelihood that a future employer will
stumble across this thread and decide not to hire Dave or you or me
just because what we may or may not have said is, frankly, pretty
slim. It could happen, but it's no reason to start writing us all off
now because we participated in an unprofessional display of emotion.
I am in no way, shape or form saying that this list should turn into a
forum for those suffering from mental illness. This list has a defined
purpose, and it's serving it quite well. I'm simply pointing out that
on the rare occasions such topics do come up, we might do well not to
engage in arguing back and forth over whether or not it's acceptable
to break protocol, because, quite frankly, people do it all the time
in the real world as well.
On 2/18/13, Elizabeth Mohnke <lizmohnke at hotmail.com> wrote:
> Hello Carly and All,
>
> I never once said that it was not okay for David to be human and express his
>
> emotions. I simply questioned whether or not this email list was the most
> appropriate place to do it.
>
> As I understand it, David appears to be going through a period of personal
> grieve and loss in his life. I would hate to see someone take advantage of
> his situation, and cause more hurt and pain in his life.
>
> Think about it this way. Would you be willing to disclose this same personal
>
> information in a room full of strangers that you do not know such as in a
> large shopping mall or in front of a class full of students? If the answer
> is no, then perhaps the information you wish to share does not belong on a
> public email list.
>
> Feel free to disagree with me if you wish, but these are just my thoughts.
>
> Respectfully,
> Elizabeth
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Carly Mihalakis" <carlymih at comcast.net>
> Sent: Monday, February 18, 2013 10:55 AM
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>; "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>
>> Good morning, Elizabeth,
>>
>> You don't think Dave fully weighed the remote possibility of people
>> reading about his emotional upset, prior to posting his problems, here?
>> Yes, he is in a great deal of pain, but he can't be the only one to deal
>> with stuff like this. So what if people see?
>> Dave, shame on you for daring to have human problems! :05 PM 2/13/2013,
>> Dave Webster wrote:
>>>Yea I was thinking about that when I posted to the list. That's why in
>>> my
>>>initial post I said I didn't know whare the best place to post it would
>>>be.
>>>Do you know if there is a list on the nfb lists whare people can get
>>>support
>>>for stuff like that? I don't think there are because I hadn't seen any
>>>but.
>>>I'll try to find some other lists I can post to. I know you're not
>>> trying
>>>to minimize anything. Let me know if you know of any good lists out
>>> there
>>>particularly for people who are blind and who have gone through long
>>>distance relationships or any relationshIps for that matter. Thanks so
>>>much.
>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Elizabeth
>>>Mohnke
>>>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 1:44 PM
>>>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>
>>>Hello David,
>>>
>>>I do not mean to minimize the pain of your personal situation, but I am
>>>not
>>>quite sure if this list is the appropriate place to share the intimate
>>>details of your personal relationship.
>>>
>>>The emails you post to this email list are stored in a public archive.
>>>This
>>>means that not only can your emails be viewed by those who are subscribed
>>>
>>>to
>>>this email list, but they can be viewed by anyone who has access to the
>>>internet. With this in mind, you may wish to think twice about sharing
>>>such
>>>personal information about yourself on this email list.
>>>
>>>In addition, the purpose of this email list is to discuss matters that
>>> are
>>>relevant to being a blind student. Please forgive me, but I fail to see
>>>how
>>>disclosing intimate details regarding a personal relationship relates to
>>>the
>>>intended purpose of this email list. I can see how relationships in
>>>general
>>>could be a relevant topic for this list, but I do not see how a specific
>>>individual detailed relationship problem would be considered
>>> appropriate
>>>for this email list.
>>>
>>>Again, I am sorry to hear you are having such difficulties in your
>>>personal
>>>life, but I believe the intimate details of your personal relationship
>>>would
>>>be more suited for conversations that take place in private emails rather
>>>than in a public email list.
>>>
>>>Respectfully,
>>>Elizabeth
>>>
>>>
>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
>>>Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2013 4:08 PM
>>>To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>><nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>>
>>> > Hi Katie thanks for the post. I wanted to talk a bit about what
>>> > actually happened between us. I found everything out last night. I
>>> > had to really really talk to Terri about it. She finally told me.
>>> > She said that there were some things about me that she thought she
>>> > could handle in the beginning but when she through about it and when
>>> > it actually happened she didn't think she could. One of the things
>>> > was the crying spells I go through. I suffer from bipolar and my
>>> > bipolar is more on the depressed side. My grandma past away just
>>> > about 3 weeks ago and that's when the depression and the crying spells
>>> > really started. It was hard for her because the crying spells were so
>>> > intense and I would cry so hard, and I still do because this
>>> > relationship didn't work out, but when my grandma died I would cry
>>> > really hard. Some times they would last a wile. She wanted to tell
>>> > me before that she didn't think she could handle those but she didn't.
>>> > when she finally did tell me that's when she broke it off and before
>>> > she told me that's when she started talking to this other person. If
>>> > she would have said something in the beginning it would have been
>>> > easier. I guess she felt like she was on egg shells because she would
>>> > talk about her grand parents or her family and I'd start to cry. I
>>> > guess it was just really really hard for her.
>>> >
>>> > -----Original Message-----
>>> > From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
>>> > Shelton
>>> > Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:17 PM
>>> > To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> > Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >
>>> > Hi all,
>>> >
>>> > I've just finished a long distance relationship by way of ditching the
>>> > distance. I met my boyfriend of almost two years at a summer music
>>> > program we both attended several years ago. We really hit it off the
>>> > summer before my senior year and made the best of the long distance
>>> > situation. We were both in school and involved in clubs and band and
>>> > stuff, but we made it work the best we could. On our breaks he would
>>> > come down to visit, and he even came for my senior prom so we could go
>>> > together. (Despite all our blind moments we had with trying to find
>>> > our way around unfamiliar territory with a lot of people in the room
>>> > it was really fun). Last semester he finished up at his local
>>> > community college and worked on transfering to a university in the
>>> > same city as mine. Now instead of living 300 miles away from me and
>>> > in another state our universities are pretty close and we can see each
>>> > other every few weeks. Sure, we don't get to see each other every
>>> > day, but with school for both of us it can't really be helped and it's
>>> > a lot better than every few months.
>>> > I don't necessarily think being blind or sighted has anything to do
>>> > with the relationship. As Mauricio and others have said it all boils
>>> > down to preference of both people in the relationship, their
>>> > communication skills, their patience for being in a long distance
>>> > relationship, and a lot of other factors. I do agree that sometimes
>>> > blind people appear to enter into text-based relationships and get
>>> > wrapped up in them more often than sighted people and this can
>>> > sometimes be problematic, but otherwise blindness is just a trait, not
>>> > a personality trait or something that really is important in a
>>> > relationship. I don't think long distance relationships are bad, or
>>> > that they just don't work. They're not for everyone, but if you're
>>> > committed and patient and the other person is too it can actually
>>> > strengthen the relationship. I know I appreciate my situation now,
>>> > and appreciated the times when my boyfriend would come to visit,
>>> > because they were priviledges for both of us.
>>> > High school long distance relationships sort of have their own
>>> > restrictions, especially the further apart the people in the
>>> > relationship are. It always made me sad when my friends in high
>>> > school would complain about not seeing their boyfriends over the
>>> > weekend, or if they would question if they'd keep the relationship
>>> > going once they and their boyfriend started going to different
>>> > colleges in different cities because it seemed like they really didn't
>>> > appreciate the time they spent with their boyfriend or were really
>>> > willing to make things work.
>>> > School schedules, activities like sports and clubs, and family life
>>> > keep high school kids busy. With the set schedules it's not like
>>> > college where the people can meet for lunch or go out to dinner after
>>> > or between classes.
>>> > It's also a matter of transportation; bus tickets, gas, and certainly
>>> > plane tickets cost money. Of course I champion that the goal of a
>>> > long distance relationship should be to make it short distance
>>> > assuming everything works out, but if that can't happen easily for
>>> > transportation, money, and school reasons than you might as well be as
>>> > happy as possible together and make things work as it sounds like
>>> > Sophie is doing. It's just the practical thing to do considering the
>>> > circumstances. Kudos!
>>> >
>>> > On 2/12/13, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> >> I hope I didn't come off as saying that long distance relationships
>>> >> are bad. I didn't mean to. While this is still a very emotional topic
>>> >> for me, I fully respect the fact that for others, they don't go
>>> >> through what I went through. All I was trying to convey is that you
>>> >> should really keep both eyes, ears, and your heart and soul open when
>>> >> going into these situations. then again, if people thought deeply
>>> >> when going into any relationship, no matter how near or far the other
>>> >> person is, they might have more success. On the other hand, being
>>> >> overly analytical, as I have a tendency to be, has its drawbacks,
>>> >> namely that I go around and around in endless circles in my head,
>>> >> never being able to draw any conclusion, endlessly agonizing over
>>> >> every possible detail of things until I feel like I could explode.
>>> >> I understand, to a degree, what you're dealing with. I deal with
>>> >> depression and anxiety as well, and have for most of my life, so I
>>> >> know how people react to that news. In my last relationship, the guy
>>> >> I was with liked to tell me how weak I was for being depressed, and
>>> >> how I was unable to handle everyday stresses. Yet, he was on
>>> >> medications for depression and anxiety as well, so he was being quite
>>> >> hypocritical.
>>> >>
>>> >> On 2/12/13, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> >>> Um... I'M IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry if you
>>> >>> didn't know that... it just made me feel a little awkward. And, if
>>> >>> you don't mind Koby, I'd rather not share the personal details of
>>> >>> the relationship.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>> From: "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com
>>> >>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>> >>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> >>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:31:37 -0600
>>> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Sophie,
>>> >>> Are you guys engaged or can you tell me more about your alls
>>> >>> relation ship?
>>> >>> Thanks,
>>> >>> Koby.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> -----Original Message-----
>>> >>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Sophie
>>> >>> Trist
>>> >>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 6:56 PM
>>> >>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Sarah, long distance relationships can work. My boyfriend lives in
>>> >>> Australia and we have been going out for over a year. We just chat
>>> >>> through the phone and texts and stuff. We've een each other since we
>>> >>> started being a couple. It's different, but it's feasible. A few bad
>>> >>> experiences isn't enough to say you hate relationships. I believe
>>> >>> that there is someone out there for everyone; it just takes time.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Sincerely,
>>> >>> Sophie
>>> >>>
>>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>> From: Sarah <coastergirl92 at gmail.com
>>> >>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>>> >>> list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:15:34 -0800
>>> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> I cry every day. I hate relationships, especially long whtance ones
>>> >>> they never work.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>> >>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>> >>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> >>> Date sent: Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:13:11 -0800
>>> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Yea thanks. I think she did get scared but we had actually talked
>>> >>> about that. I mean hopefully we can talk but I'm not sure. Its
>>> >>> gonna take some time to get over this. I've been going through a
>>> >>> lot of crying spells.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> -----Original Message-----
>>> >>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gloria
>>> >>> G
>>> >>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 11:55 AM
>>> >>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> >>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Hi,
>>> >>> I am so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a really nice guy
>>> >>> and I think she just got scared. Maybe after things cool off you
>>> >>> guys can talk and figure out what happened. Well I hope you feel
>>> >>> better. Try doing something that is fun for you just to get your
>>> >>> mind off things.
>>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>> From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
>>> >>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
>>> >>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> >>> Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 1:44 PM
>>> >>> Subject: [nabs-l] Hello. Wanted to post something to the list.
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Hello all. I'm Dave. I am not a student right now. I have
>>> >>> bipolar and am unable to handle the stress of going to school. I
>>> >>> know that this may be off the topic of this list but I wanted to
>>> >>> post it anyhow.
>>> >>> I just got out of a relationship. It was a long distance one whare
>>> >>> she lives in Michigan and I in California. We started talking at
>>> >>> the beginning of January right after new years. We didn't mean to
>>> >>> but we started to hit it off really really well. About a week or so
>>> >>> later she bought plane tickets for me to come out there to Michigan
>>> >>> to see her. If I liked it out there then I was most likely gonna
>>> >>> stay and be with her. Right now I live in a board and care
>>> >>> facility. It turns out that for a couple of weeks probably when
>>> >>> she bought the tickets or pretty soonn after she began having
>>> >>> doubts and fears about the relationship. I had my doubts and had
>>> >>> my fears as well and knew this was a normal thing. We talked about
>>> >>> them but a few days later she called the relationship off because
>>> >>> there were some symptoms which were rather minor ones that she said
>>> >>> she couldn't handle. It turns out that she is now tomorrow going
>>> >>> to see this guy in Colorado.
>>> >>> Mind
>>> >>> you she doesn't know this guy and she didn't know me either but I
>>> >>> feel like we had something. I feel like my emotions were played
>>> >>> with and I'm really hurt. I was just wondering if any of you who
>>> >>> want to could help me through this. I've been going through a lot
>>> >>> of crying spells.
>>> >>> During this time on January 10th I lost my grandma. She was 90 and
>>> >>> had bad dementia and died in her sleep on the evening of the tenth.
>>> >>> So I am trying to work with 2 losses right after another.
>>> >>> Loosing my
>>> >>> grandma and loosing Terri. Terri was someone that I could love and
>>> >>> did love and still do. I wish she wouldn't go to Colorado.
>>> >>> This guy that she's going to see has anxiety and depression as well
>>> >>> and she found him on a sight for people with mental illnesses.
>>> >>> Maybe
>>> >>> if any of you want to we could talk off list. I've been going
>>> >>> through a lot of crying spells and sometimes I need help through
>>> >>> them.
>>> >>> My
>>> >>> friends, which by the way I don't have a lot of I feel like they
>>> >>> may not be able to understand what's going on. I feel like I wasn't
>>> >>> good enough for her. I'm just really really hurt.
>>> >>>
>>> >>> _______________________________________________
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>>> >>> nabs-l:
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>>> >>> ail.com
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
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>>> >>>
>>> >>
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>>> >
>>> >
>>> > --
>>> > Kaiti
>>> >
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