[nabs-l] family's misunderstandings of the real world

[Arielle Silverman]

Hi Beth and  all,

The phrase "real world" has always bothered me, in  a similar fashion
as the word "normal". I'm not sure what the one "real world" is
supposed to be, but in my observation it seems that everyone's reality
is a little different. I would submit that people are living in the
real world whether they are adolescents living with their parents,
college students not yet paying their own bills, people paying their
bills through SSI, or working people. Your cousin's implication that
the "real world" is one dominated by sighted people is something I
find particularly offensive. I would consider people working in  the
blindness field, or married to blind people, as still living in
reality.

I have dated both blind and sighted people. My husband is sighted, but
I didn't marry him because I was specifically looking for a sighted
husband; I married him because I fell in love with him and he fell in
love with me even though I am blind. My parents never told me outright
that I should marry a sighted person, but they did send me that
message indirectly by being less enthusiastic about my blind
boyfriends than about my sighted one. It is sad, but many of our
family members just don't understand what blind partners have to offer
us. I don't think you should give your cousin's advice in that area
much mind. Anyone who has not met your boyfriend, blind or sighted, is
not qualified to judge him in my opinion.

I'm not sure what your family members think you will gain by moving
back to Florida, but it sounds like they don't quite understand what
you have in Denver or what problems you faced in Florida. Again, it is
your decision, not theirs.

Best,
Arielle

On 11/20/13, justin williams <justin.williams2 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Beth, do your thing.  I don't know whether you should or shouldn't date the
> man, but if you like him, then enjoy the moment and see where it takes you.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth Taurasi
> Sent: Wednesday, November 20, 2013 11:01 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: [nabs-l] family's misunderstandings of the real world
>
> Hi, all.
> I was recently Facebook chatting my cousin and she accused me of doing the
> following things:
> 1. Obsession with my latest boyfriend, who she might have a problem with
> because he is blind.
> 2. She said I should be open to dating sighted people, yes, Arielle, you
> are
> married to a sighted man, but not all sighted people like a blind woman,
> and
> statistically it isn't true that sighted people will go out with blind
> women.
> 3. She says that blind people can do things, but she says I don't
> understand
> the real world.  What? I told her I do understand the real world, I pay my
> bills, I save money, I work with money. I don't pay taxes because in my
> understanding of the so-called "real world", SSI is not taxable, and
> finding
> a job for me is hard because I am dually disabled.
> I need help also convincing her that parenting is possible even with my
> particular disabilities.  I've tried referring her to NFB's parenting
> without Sight thingies, and she doesn't seem interested. I have a lot of
> friends on here so I'm posing this question.  Also, she says I should move
> back to Florida, but after all this stuff I've been through back there, I
> said to her, "No.  I've got all I need in Denver."
> Please help.
> Beth
>
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